A small laugh trickles out. “Is this your first time speed dating?”
“It is. I didn’t really want to come, to be honest, but one of my buddies convinced me.” He points his thumb over his shoulder in the vague direction of one of the other suitors. “How about you?”
“First time for me too.” I don’t mention I’m only here for an assignment.
“I take it it hasn’t been going well?” He pairs his words with another teasing smile.
“They really should serve booze at these things, don’t you think?”
This time he laughs, and it’s what can only be described as hearty. “You’re probably right about that.”
The bell dings and Tim rises from his seat, and for the first time tonight, I wasn’t actively counting down the seconds. He holds his hand out again, and this time when I offer mine in return, he wraps his fingers around my palm. “Maybe I’ll see you again, Lana.”
I wait for him to kiss my hand or something equally embarrassing, but he doesn’t. Just gives my fingers a squeeze and heads on to the next lady.
For a second I think about cutting out early, because surely it doesn’t get any better than Tim, who gave me lukewarm feelings, and I’m really not looking forward to the whole tell-us-which-guys-you-loved song and dance at the end. But I don’t want to be rude and it’s only a few more minutes.
I check my phone, but Seth hasn’t texted me again, probably because I didn’t respond to his last message. Because how the fuck am I supposed to respond to that. I raise my head with a soft sigh.
And a familiar pair of blue eyes meets mine from across the table, as if by my simply thinking about him, he miraculously appeared.
“Hi,” I manage after thirty precious seconds have ticked by.
“Hi.” His smile is soft and tentative.
“What are you doing here?” I try to surreptitiously take in a long breath, needing to calm my heart rate without making it obvious how much his mere presence has kicked it up.
“Natasha instructed me to come to this, but it felt like crossing some sort of line. I’ve been sitting in my car for the last twenty minutes, debating whether I should come in.” He offers me an impish smile, but it’s easy to see the nerves hiding underneath. “I almost turned around and went home, but then I got your texts and I guess I just wanted to see you. And talk to you in person.”
The words are bare and honest and I don’t want them to stop. I sit in silence, praying he’ll keep going.
“Things got a little weird at the bar, and I know I shouldn’t have been there in the first place.” His fingers begin tapping an incessant rhythm on the table. “Look, you asked me before why I came here. Why LA.” He takes in a long breath. “Clearly I came here for a reason and I’d be lying if I said that reason had nothing to do with you, Parker.”
I cover his hand with mine, to stop the drumming, and also because I need to feel him.
His eyes look everywhere but at me. “I spent a lot of years on the road. Sleeping on couches and in run-down hotel rooms and a lot of the time not sleeping at all. I don’t regret it because I loved the work that I did. It was important and fulfilling and I’ll never be sorry for the stories I got to tell.” He runs his free hand through his hair. “But it was so fucking lonely, Parker. I was never in one place long enough to make friends. I had colleagues and contacts and my family back home, but on those many occasions when I’d be by myself in some dingy hotel room, I just felt like I was drowning, like the loneliness was swallowing me up.”
I remove my hand from his, but only so I can lace ourfingers together. Squeezing his hand tightly, I wait for him to speak whenever he’s ready. I’m sure the final bell has dinged and people are probably leaving all around us, but I don’t care. I will sit across this table from Seth Carson for as long as he needs me to.
He rubs his thumb over my knuckles. “I never really understood what it was like, feeling lonely. It—and the people I met and the things I saw—it changed me. Humbled me, hopefully.” His grin is sheepish and so familiar I want to cry. He covers our intertwined fingers with his free hand and brings his gaze to mine. “When I decided to relocate and settle in one place, I didn’t even have to think about where to go. I’m the spinning needle of a compass and you’ve always been my true north, Parker.”
“Seth...” I blink away the tears that have sprung into my eyes, struggling to breathe. I don’t know what to say. Words, which come so easily to me when I sit down in front of a computer, can’t seem to find their way from my brain to my mouth. But I force myself to speak up. To not accept his explanation at face value, even if it would be easier. “If you’ve changed like you say you have, then why did you come here to try to take my job?”
His grip on my hand tightens. “That was never my intention. How could I have even imagined they’d pit us against each other? I wouldn’t have agreed to the competition at all, but...”
“But...?”
He shrugs, and it’s sad, his shoulders settling and his head dropping. “But you didn’t exactly seem happy to seeme. I think your exact words were ‘What the fuck are you doing here?’ ”
I settle back in my seat, clamping my lips shut so I don’t immediately jump to my own defense. Because he’s not wrong. I sit with the realization for a minute before I speak. “I’m sorry. I was thrown off, seeing you there. And I realize I wouldn’t have been if I had responded to your message. So, I apologize.”
He meets my eyes and something alarmingly like hope greets me.
And while we’re confronting all the elephants in the room and demons from the past, I decide I might as well dive in. “And speaking of the bar”—which we definitely weren’t, but I’m going for it—“what was up with that overprotective big brother act?”
His head tilts to the side, studying me. “You really don’t know?”
“May seems to think it’s because you were jealous.” I study him back, watching for any flinch or flicker of emotion. “But I told her that couldn’t be the case. Because you made it very clear two years ago just how much you no longer want me.” I force myself to hold his eye contact.
