He passes by me on his way out and for a half a second, our fingers brush. He’s gone before I have the chance to reach out and take his hand.
30
Be careful who you spill your breakup woes to; not everyone is truly on your side.
—Lana Parker, “Who to Turn to with a Broken Heart”
I let May take over my appearance for the night of theChronicleparty. She styles my hair and slathers my face in makeup and is in charge of my outfit. I was worried for a second she would put me in one of her short, tight numbers like she did for Warwick, but instead, she riffles through my own closet, pulling out a pink tea-length tulle skirt. She pairs it with a black silk corseted top that I must have used for a cosplay at some point because I can’t imagine ever wearing it on its own. At first I’m hesitant, but combined, the pieces make me look both soft and sexy.
We drive to Ivanhoe in Silver Lake together, neither of us speaking much. I told her everything once I landed back in town, including all the drama with Natasha, and she had just the response I needed: wrapping me in a big hug and telling me how proud she was.
Handing off the car to the valet, we both pause on the sidewalk in front of the restaurant.
“You ready for this?” she asks.
“Fuck no.”
She gives my hand a quick squeeze. “You know I got your back.”
I squeeze back. “I know.”
My eyes find Seth the second we cross over into the outdoor courtyard; I’m as drawn to him now as I was when I was a teenager. And he looks good. Of course he looks good. He’s wearing the suit we bought on our shopping trip, sans the sunflower-yellow tie. And thank Loki for small favors, because I don’t know what I would’ve done if I’d seen him in that tie.
He glances my way and I swear I can see heat in his gaze, despite the physical distance between us. After giving me a short nod of acknowledgment, he turns back to James and continues their conversation.
“That could’ve gone worse.” May loops her arm through mine and drags me over to the bar, ordering us each a glass of champagne.
I clink my glass against hers. “Thank you for being here with me, and for putting up with my black hole of drama the past few weeks.”
She sips from her own glass, not leaving even a smidge of red lipstick behind, which is just unfair. “I haven’t had to watch reality TV in months. Your life is better than the Housewives.”
“I wouldn’t go that far.”
Tessa and Corey come join our little circle after grabbingdrinks of their own. Corey holds her glass up to the center. “Here’s to Lana. May she kick some serious ass, win this vote, and finally get the job of her dreams.”
I barely get a clink and a sip in before Natasha approaches. She’s dressed in a black suit that fits her like a glove, hair sharp and makeup perfectly applied.
She places a hand on my shoulder and gives the girls a fake smile. “Hope you don’t mind if I steal this one for a bit, she is my little superstar after all.”
All three of them shoot her different variations of dirty looks, and I’m pretty sure May flips her off as soon as her back is turned.
Natasha guides me to the center of the patio area, near the fireplace. “This is where I want you to stand until I come get you for my speech. Talk to everyone. Smile. Say the wordsAlways Take Fountainas many times as you possibly can.” She’s off before I can protest.
I don’t have it in me to argue with her. At least not tonight, not in public. So I paste on a fake smile and prepare to chat with all the other journalists and bloggers and influencers who were invited here to give us some “free” press.
Two minutes later, Natasha deposits Seth a few feet to my right, basically setting up a receiving line for the guests as they enter the patio. Plenty of space separates us, but I’m aware of every single move he makes, every twitch of his hand, every shuffle of his feet.
I want to pull him aside and tell him everything about my week away. I want to let him know all that I’ve figured out about who I am and what I want. I want to tell him I justneed a little bit more time, but I’m going to get there. I want to pull him into the tiny single-stall bathroom by the kitchen and let him fuck me up against the wall.
But I don’t do any of those things. Obviously. Especially not that last one.
Instead I focus all my energy on mingling. It’s exhausting, but I remind myself that these are some of the people who will have a say in who wins, and despite everything, I do still want to win. I think.
Either I get my dream job and Seth probably moves away, or I’m stuck with this dead-end column and Seth gets to stay. I don’t even know which option is better at this point.
Either way, it’s something of a relief when Natasha comes to collect us both, guiding us over to the makeshift stage created in one of the corners of the patio. Lining us up shoulder to shoulder, she gives us a little wink, like we’re both in on the joke. She takes a microphone from the DJ and turns to face the party at large.
“Hello, everyone, and welcome!” Her smile is wider than I’ve ever seen before but it doesn’t mask the insincerity in her voice. “On behalf of everyone atAlways Take Fountain, thank you so much for joining us this evening to celebrate our new partnership with theLos Angeles Chronicle. I know I speak for everyone atATFwhen I say how excited we are for this new chapter to begin!”
