“Not really. I want to write movies that make people happy—and they do. I don’t really need anything more than that.” I tilt up my chin, bringing our lips within an inch of each other. “Is winning an award something you’re aiming for?”
His lips purse, and his eyes drift away from mine. “I never thought so, but Kevin, my manager, lately he’s been pushing me to go for more serious roles. He’s been with me since the beginning, and he’s never steered me wrong before, so...”
There’s a whole lot of misgivings wrapped up in thatso. Grayson, who doesn’t feel accepted by his dad. Grayson, who has trusted the same manager for his entire career, almost half of his life. Grayson, who is signing up for projects he doesn’t really want to be involved with.
“If it doesn’t feel right to you, then don’t do it, Grayson.”
He reaches for me again, and this time I let him pull me into his embrace. He tucks my head under his chin, and it’s alarming just how perfectly we fit together. “I admire the way you don’t need anyone else’s approval.”
“Well, I wouldn’t say that. I guess I just didn’t needthatkind of approval.” I stiffen as I realize just how much I’ve melted into the warmth of his chest. What happened to not cuddling? Why does just laying here and talking feeljust as good as all the sex we should be having? I wiggle to put a few more inches of space in between us.
Grayson tilts his head down toward mine. “Everything okay?”
“Yup. Great. Totally fine.” I make the mistake of meeting his gaze.
A smile tugs on his lips. “Very convincing.” He reaches out and cups my cheek in his hand before leaning in to brush a soft kiss against my lips. “This doesn’t have to be anything more than it is, Ems.”
I lean into the kiss, letting him pull me closer, hoping it very well may turn into more than just a kiss. I need to get back on solid ground.
Because this relationship we have is just sex. Good sex. Mind-blowing sex. But just sex. It can never be more than sex, not just because he’s Grayson West and that’s not what we do. But because he’s Grayson West, and if I ever truly open myself up to him, to the possibility of not just him but us, I don’t think I can ever come back from it.
The couple of guys I’ve dated since losing my dad were chosen carefully, with the intentional knowledge that none of them were ever quite right, knowing that when we inevitably ended, it wouldn’t break me. Because I knew my heart couldn’t sustain any more cracks without completely shattering.
At the beginning of all of this, I might have put Grayson in that category—a hot fuck with no potential for emotional destruction. But I’ve been lying to myself. Clearly. Grayson is so much more than I ever would’ve given him credit for, but it goes beyond that. It’s the way he makesme feel about myself, like I’m capable of anything and everything. No man has made me feel like that in a long time. If we were to continue to grow closer, make this something more than what happens between the sheets, Grayson could destroy me. Losing him could destroy me.
Grayson breaks the kiss and moves to wrap his arm around me once again, to pull me further into him. “Do you want to stay here tonight?”
Neither of us has ever stayed the night before. Just the thought of waking up next to him sends a wave of warmth over me, and I know I need to get out before it burns. Instead of answering him, I push up off the bed. I lean over and press a quick peck to his lips, ignoring the questions and the hurt in those stupid blue eyes.
I shut his door behind me and cross the hall to my own room. I should shower, but instead I climb into my own bed, burrow down under my comforter, and let myself breathe in the scent of Grayson that seems to now be permanently embedded in my skin.
—
In a miracle of good timing, I’m not scheduled to film with Grayson the day after... whatever the hell that was. Jenna and I have a scene together in the morning, and despite being distracted by the events of last night, we actually manage to finish ahead of our scheduled end time.
“I was going to run down to Main Street and grab lunch at the diner, if you want to join me?” Jenna offers as we both head to wardrobe to change back into our own clothes.
My mouth opens to tell her thanks, but no thanks, but then I think about what’s waiting for me here at the inn. Awhole lot of thinking about Grayson fucking West. “Sure, that sounds great.” I tug my sweater over my head. “Let me just run upstairs to get my coat. I’ll meet you in the lobby?”
“Sounds good.”
And I make sure the running is literal, aiming to put as much distance as possible between me and the prep rooms because Grayson is on the schedule this afternoon and I’m not ready for a run-in just yet.
The hallway is clear, and I pop into my room and quickly grab my coat.
But I apparently have impeccably bad timing because as soon as I open my door to head back downstairs, I hear his voice in the hallway. I freeze, hoping he didn’t see or hear my door open and can’t tell I’m currently hiding behind it.
“I told you I’m working on it, Kevin. Why can’t you just let me do my thing and trust that I know what I’m doing?” Grayson’s voice is laden with frustration. His manager, Kevin, has been out in LA this whole time, so I figure they must be on a call.
And yes, I know I shouldn’t be eavesdropping on Grayson’s conversation, especially not after I ran out on him the night before. But to be fair to myself, I wasn’t trying to listen in, I just got stuck here. If I close the door, he might notice me, so really I have no choice but to stand here with it ajar until he leaves.
“I really want that audition, and I know they’re seeing people soon. I spoke to James, and he’s already got one on the books.” Several seconds of silence follow.
I wonder what kind of audition he’s looking to get. And which James he’s talking about. I can’t imagine Graysonhaving an issue booking an audition for anything requiring a sexy leading man. Did our conversation the night before spur this on? Is Grayson pressing Kevin to get back to his action roots, and is Kevin giving Grayson pushback?
“Whatever, Kevin. I’m doing my part here; I need you to do your part, too.”
Silence falls over the hallway, and a quick peek through the peephole lets me know Grayson hung up the phone, although he’s still got it clenched in his grip like he might throw it at the wall.
