Truly, I do.
But I don’t see how I can get out of this request.
Maybe I can say yes and then back out last minute due to some mysterious illness that will affect me only on the night of the holiday ball.
Somehow, I think that might be even worse than just saying no in the first place.
I pull my phone from my pocket, see that I have just enough time left on my break to call in reinforcements, and open my text thread with my two best friends, who are also romance writers, though both are with different publishers and therefore do not have to be forced intoattending holiday balls and handing out awards to dicks who don’t even write true romance.
Me:I got invited to present an award at SVP’s annual holiday ball, but I don’t know if I want to say yes or not.
Alyssa:OMG that’s amazing! That will be such good exposure!
Me:I guess. Only SVP authors and employees attend though, so it’s not like it will be a whole new crowd of readers.
Alyssa:Still, anytime you have the chance to get your name out there is good!
Alyssa writes absolutely gorgeous queer romances and tends to use a lot of exclamation points. She does it in real life too, but her positivity is so genuine it never even gets annoying.
Kennedy:Is it just me or is it weird that your publisher hosts a holiday ball every year?
Kennedy pens epic fantasy romances, steeped in her West African heritage, and is just as fiercely loyal in real life as her fictional heroines.
We all live in opposite corners of the country—me in Brooklyn, Alyssa in Nashville, and Kennedy in LA—so the majority of our communication happens via text, with phone calls at least once a week, and an occasional Zoom if we can make our schedules and time zones work. The distance between us sucks, but it doesn’t keep them from being the first people I go to when I need a virtual hug.
Me:Yes, it is super weird. Normally I’d just go for the free booze, which I will have to seriously cut back on if I’m expected to get up onstage and talk in front of people.
Alyssa:Do you know what award you’re going to be presenting? Maybe it will give you the chance to meet someone super cool! Connections are never a bad thing!
Me:Yeah. So that’s the thing.
Me:The award I’d be giving out is going to Nick.
Kennedy:Oh. Shit.
Alyssa:Nick Matthews?
Me:No, Saint Nick. He’s been writing romance novels in the offseason.
Me:Yes, Nick Matthews.
Alyssa:Haha.
Alyssa:Okay, so the situation isn’t exactly ideal…
Kennedy:Not exactly ideal? Nick Matthews is a fraud.
Kennedy:Not to mention he broke her heart.
Yeah. So there’s that. Not only is Nick Matthews the antithesis of what a romance writer should be, he was also the antithesis of what a boyfriend should be.
Nick and I met at a creative writing workshop several years ago and hit it off immediately. We were the only two there who wanted to write romance, and since the other highbrow lit-fic writers wanted nothing to do with us, we paired up to swap manuscripts. We were critique partnersfirst, the two of us evenly matched in our skills and at the same point on our career trajectories. Our banter in real life was as fiery as that of the characters in our books, and then one night, after pizza and hashing out a third-act breakup, he kissed me.
I’d had a crush on him since the moment he set foot in the dingy multipurpose room at the local community center where our workshop met. How could I not? Not only was Nick a straight man writing romance, he was also physically perfect, in my opinion. I use the past tense because obviously I do not follow him on Instagram and have no idea what he looks like today.
Though I could probably guess that he’s only gotten better-looking with time, a few strands of silver threaded through his dark hair, cut long enough so he can toss it out of his eyes, not so long as to appear unkempt. His hazel eyes are probably still just as stormy and hypnotizing, though I imagine they now occasionally peer out from behind the glasses he needs after all that time spent in front of a screen. I doubt he’s lost any of his strength as he always used to work out plot holes during his time at the gym.
One thing I am sure of is that his overall hotness had basically everything to do with his success as a writer because lord knows it has nothing to do with his books.
