Maybe the exclamation point will fool them into thinking I’m totally fine.
Alyssa:Yay!!! How was the rest of the time at the inn?
We both know what she’s asking, but I love her for not coming right out and saying it.
Me:It was fine.
Ten seconds later, my phone rings with a request for a FaceTime. I sigh, pausing the show so I can answer the call. When it connects, both of my best friends are there on the screen, wearing almost identical looks, though Alyssa’s holds a tinge more sympathy while Kennedy’s firmly saysI told you so.
“Spill,” Kennedy directs.
There is no denying her. “We slept together.”
They take in a collective breath.
“He told me he’s still in love with me, has always been in love with me, really.”
Alyssa swoons. “Ohmygod, that is the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard of in real life! You two got trapped together in a cozy Christmas inn, you only had one bed, and your second-chance romance ended with him telling you he’s always loved you!”
Kennedy clears her throat. “In case you missed it, Lys, she’s sitting in her bed in sweats by herself. Something tells me that’s not exactly how it ended.”
Alyssa’s eyes widen, but she doesn’t say anything.
“Yeah, unfortunately this didn’t exactly play out like it would in one of our books.” I reach for the glass of wine I wisely brought into bed with me and take a long swig. “I think I might be living a real-life Nick Matthews ending.”
“What happened?” Kennedy asks quietly.
“If I’m being honest, there was a moment there, maybe more than a moment, when I thought we were going to end up back together.” I take another drink. “But then he told me the reason he broke up with me five years ago.”
“The sex was so good you thought you might get back together?” Kennedy interjects, bringing some much-needed lightness to the conversation.
“God yes. It was incredible.” I have to clench my thighs together just thinking about it.
“Good sex is great, and necessary, but I want to know more about what he told you,” Alyssa says. “What exactly did he say that was so terrible?”
I blow out a short breath. “It was a many-pronged explanation, but the real crux of it is that his friend Marcus, who works in marketing, told him he would probably sella lot more books if he was single and could play up the wholereal-life book boyfriendangle.”
Kennedy’s lips purse so tightly I’m afraid she’ll never be able to separate them, but then she does. “What the fuck?”
“He actually said that to you?” Alyssa’s voice is soft and tinged with worry.
“He also said he thought there was a chance that if I was publicly connected to him, it would overshadow my own success. Like people might think I only got published because I’m dating him.”
Kennedy’s brow scrunches. “Do you think he really thought that or is that just an excuse to make him not look so completely terrible?”
I shrug, but I know in my heart Nick wasn’t lying. “I don’t doubt that that’s how he felt in the moment.”
“I don’t think he would lie about the breakup, not if at the same time he’s telling you that he always loved you.” Alyssa and Nick hung out several times while we were dating, and she always did adore him. I think she was just as devastated when he dumped me as I was.
“There’s one other thing.” I finish my glass of wine for liquid courage. “He overheard us in the kitchen, that Christmas right before we signed our contracts, when we’d both already gotten our deals.”
Kennedy’s look of confusion makes it clear she doesn’t remember, but Alyssa’s sympathetic smile shows she does.
“You said you didn’t know if you could do it,” she says quietly.
I nod. “Yup. Maybe if he hadn’t overheard me saying that, he never would have broken up with me in the first place. Maybe the whole thing is all my fault.”
“He should have talked to you about it first.” Kennedy defends my honor, like I knew she would.
