19
There are no indications I spent the night huddled under the covers hysterically sobbing when I wake up the next morning. My skin is as clear and blemish free as every morning in Heart Springs. There aren’t even any dark circles under my eyes like I normally have at home. It’s like the whole thing never happened. Apparently all the bruises are internal, located right in my chest.
Maybe my outer self is on to something. Maybe I need to pretend like the whole thing never happened. Because really, what has changed between last night and this morning? I still need to save the bakery. I still need to somehow fall in love.
I still want nothing more than to get the hell out of here.
And I know the exact way to make that happen.
I swing by the bakery early, before even Emma has stepped on the premises. I make a latte and grab a muffin left over from the day before.
I find Noah right where I expected to: sitting at his desk, leafing through a stack of papers because even high-powered lawyers don’t seem to rely on the internet here.
Forcing a timid smile across my lips, I hand him the latte and muffin. “I’m really sorry about last night. I shouldn’t have run out on you like that.”
He eyes me warily before accepting my offerings. “If you weren’t feeling well, you weren’t feeling well.” He takes a small sip of the coffee. “Are you feeling better today?”
There are layers to his question, and I parse them out before answering so I can give him an honest response. “I had some things I needed to figure out, but I think my head is clearer now.”
His smile is warm and crinkles the edges of his eyes. “Glad to hear it. I want this to work, Cam.”
“Me too.” I nod resolutely, as if that can make the sentiment be true.
But I know I can make it true. I wanted to be a lawyer, so I became a lawyer. I wanted to make partner, so I made partner.
If I want to fall in love with Noah Crenshaw, then I will fall in love with Noah Crenshaw.
“Do you want to try for dinner again tonight? Maybe something a little more low-key?” I offer, hoping if I fake the excitement for long enough, it will become real.
“Sure. Your place or mine?” He leans back in his chair, his hands laced across his stomach.
“Yours.” The last thing I need is Noah coming to my place.
He studies me like he can see right through me, and I really hope this whole everyone-in-Heart-Springs-knows-everything doesn’t mean they have some sort of emotional x-ray vision capabilities. “Why don’t you come over at seven?”
“Sounds great!” With a smile and a wave that I hope look natural, I head out of the office and back to the bakery.
Emma greets me with her normal warm smile when I push through the door. “Good morning!”
“Morning.” I do my best to keep the enthusiasm in my voice, but judging by the slight pull down of her lips, I don’t do a good job.
“Everything okay?”
For a second, I think about confiding in her. Emma has proven to be nothing but a basically perfect friend, always with a warm smile and a warm hug and a warm cookie. But my walls are thick and high, long-standing and not so easy to knock down. If I let Emma in, I run the risk of her hurting me. Ben came close enough to breaking through my barriers and look how that turned out.
So instead of telling her the truth, I force another smile. “Everything is great! I went over to see Noah this morning, and he’s going to make me dinner tonight.”
He didn’t actually say he’s going to make dinner but I’m going to be at his house at dinnertime so I figure some kind of meal can be assumed.
Emma’s eyes tighten. “Oh. Great.” She turns away from me, heading back to the kitchen.
I follow her. I still can’t claim to be great at opening up to people, but if anyone deserves insight into my feelings in this situation, it’s Emma.
“I promise that I won’t let whatever happens between me and Noah affect the fight for the bakery, Emma.” I grab the bowl from the top shelf that she’d been standing on tippy toes trying to reach, and hand it to her before tying an apron around my waist. “You know I’m going to find away to save the bakery, but I also feel like I owe it to myself to be open to falling in love.” I come this close to spilling the whole thing to Emma, to telling her about my life back in New York and what I have to do in order to get home, but I manage to keep myself in check. “I never meant for my move to Heart Springs to be permanent, you know.”
“Would staying be such a terrible thing?” She turns those big brown eyes on me and the genuine question softens them.
I hesitate before I answer, because I don’t know how to answer. When I first arrived in Heart Springs, I could think of nothing I wanted more than to get the hell out. But despite my resistance, I’ve made a little life for myself here. I have a job I enjoy, even if it isn’t necessarily one I ever envisioned for myself. I have friends in Ben and Emma, and maybe even Mimi, even if I do continue to hold part of myself back from them. And I have this thing with Noah. A man that is, on paper, perfect for me.
