“I thought that was regarding hands,” Theodosia added. “Or feet.”
“Well, it feels like a silly debate because his hands and feet appear sizable as well.”
“Poor dear.” Cornelia turned to Lizzy with a knowing look. “Was the wedding night difficult? After mine, I couldn’t cross my legs for a week. Frank had been so shy during our courtship. I didn’t expect him to bed me like a castle he needed to storm.”
“Got you with the battering ram, did he?” Dorothea fanned herself faster, shoulders shaking with merriment.
“I’m still a bit mad for it even with two children,” Cornelia continued. “But you, Lizzy. You waited so long. What’s he like?”
“A bit quiet,” Lizzy said carefully. “But he notices a lot.”
“Perfect qualities in a lover.” Theodosia’s comment earned knowing nods from the others in the room.
That wasn’t what Lizzy meant, but she knew better than to tryto make a correction. These women all assumed she had carnal knowledge of her husband. And of course they would. It wasn’t the normal way of things for women to fake-marry men from the future to ensure a life of happy widowhood.
“It’s... it’s...” The women were hanging on every word. Damn it all. Why must they be so nosy? “It’s a very tight fit, but perfectly adequate.” That seemed about right based on what she’d read in that book from the Gretna Green trip, plus the length of Tuck against her. Even if he’d had it clothed, she knew it wasn’t going to go in with one fell swoop.
“Oh, darling.” Dorothea handed her a glass before filling it with champagne, the yellow bubbles popping up to a head of foam. “Drink up. It won’t be so uncomfortable if you’re foxed.”
“Don’t listen to her.” Cornelia poured her own cup. “You get used to it. And the better it gets, the easier it is. Why, sometimes my muff gets so wet that Frank falls right in when he comes to tup me.”
“Honestly,” Theodosia chastised her, scandalized. “We have a new bride in our mix. What will she think with all this muff and tupping talk?”
“She will think,I am glad to know such honest and forthright women. Plus, she has a muff and gets tupped, don’t you, Lizzy?” Cornelia’s voice was thicker and held an edge of a slur. She was tipsy in a happy way.
Lizzy beckoned to a servant. “Please see to it that Mrs.Witt there gets a glass of water. As big as you can manage, thank you.”
“Oh, poo,” Cornelia said. “One should enjoy oneself at a ball. On the way home tonight, I might let my husband do a bit of a bum fiddle and—”
“I have very satisfying tupping,” Lizzy blurted, ears burning.What if Mamma entered during all this talk? Did she ever discuss her muff or tupping with other women? Unlikely. Mamma had probably only ever been tupped twice in her life, to make Henry and then herself.
“Have you tried riding a dragon like St.George?” Cornelia asked, giggling behind her hand.
“I—I don’t think so?” Lizzy realized she had never needed to bother with that book at all, not when these ladies were willing to give her a Cambridge-style education in the finer points of bedroom antics.
“Here is how you must proceed.” Cornelia leaned in conspiratorially. “Tonight, when you return to your chamber, straddle him. Let him take you that way. He’ll recline and admire your bouncing charms, then shower you with praise fit for a queen. How else do you suppose I acquire all my better jewels?”
“Sounds like quite the adventure.” Lizzy’s voice squeaked. She hadn’t been intimate in most ways, let alone riding dragons with her modest assets. She doubted she had large enough charms for any significant bouncing.
Occasionally, talking to her married acquaintances felt tedious, but now she had to admit that maybe she’d been overly prejudiced. Of course, they couldn’t ever discuss carnal relations with an unmarried woman who wasn’t even related. But now she’d entered into the secret club.
“Of course, you could gallop along like you’re on horseback, but that’s missing much of the pleasure.” Theodosia glanced over her shoulder to ensure no one else was entering their space. “For me, it’s best when he’s either propped up by pillows or we’re on a couch. That gives you the best angle to pleasure yourself. I use the back of the couch or his shoulders for support, and while itcan take time to find your perfect spot, when you do, it’s off to the races.”
Lizzy gulped her champagne, grinning at the bubbly sensation that spread across her tongue, then buzzed down her throat. “One more, if you please.”
“For courage.” Dorothea clapped her hands.
“For courage.” Lizzy held out her crystal flute as Cornelia refilled it.
“Tip it back and go get him,” Theodosia said.
Lizzy wasn’t ever going to be close friends with these three social butterflies flitting from one event to another, delighted to see and be seen, but a new enjoyment had been unlocked. Except for the fact that she was very much still a maiden.
If her husband was going to make her a widow, she’d better be certain to bed him first.
Chapter Twenty-Three
“Tucker Taylor.” A high, thin voice spoke behind his back. “Southpaw. Spent a year in Montreal before getting traded to Texas. Played forward in high school but was a goalie at University of Michigan. Decent scorer but far better between the pipes. Last time I saw you play was in 2019.”
