Lizzy joined Jane on the camelback settee. “Real?”
“I don’t believe I’ve ever shared the tale of my past love with you, have I?”
“Love?” Lizzy huffed a little in surprise. “You?”
Jane laughed, genuinely amused. “Do not appear so astonished, or you shall wound my sensibilities. Yes, indeed, I had a suitor once, Tom Lefroy, an Irishman.”
“An Irishman!” she blurted out, her mind racing so she was left to just repeat words dumbly. She thought she knew her friend inside out, but now she felt like she might as well be talking to a stranger.
“Our initial connection was forged through books. He took pleasure inTom Jones, a sentiment I didn’t quite share. Yet, his striking appearance was hard to ignore—fine eyes, admirable ears, and a manly physique, all wrapped in gentlemanly charm. He was quite the flirt, leaving me feeling rather bashful and tongue-tied whenever we were together. Interestingly, I’ve since imbued this similar reticence into my latest literary hero. Somemay read my work and assume the heroine is a reflection of myself, but how lacking in imagination they are! In truth, I’ve woven aspects of myself into my Mr. Darcy.”
“And while I do want to know more of this book, I desire to hear more of this man! What happened?”
“When we first crossed paths, he hadn’t a sixpence to his name, and you’re well aware of my own modest circumstances—no dowry to speak of. Despite this, he did propose to me, and in a moment of impulsiveness, I accepted. However, his parents, acting with wisdom and prudence, quickly intervened.”
“Oh no! How dreadful of them.”
“Sometimes, the most difficult decisions are the right ones. Love doesn’t always conquer all, as I came to realize. Reality must take precedence, and life isn’t always adorned with happily-ever-afters and picturesque sunsets. It can quickly become little more than a succession of busy nothings.”
“I understand.”
“No.” Jane’s gaze sharpened. “You don’t understand. Disregard everything I’ve said. I opted for the practical route, yielding to others out of mere logic. And every day since, I’ve regretted my decision. I will continue to do so until my last breath, for I loved Tom deeply, and I’ll never love another in the same way. Nor would I wish to. Once is sufficient for such intense emotion. Yet, I’ll spend the rest of my days endeavoring to capture those feelings on paper—to compose a happiness denied to me. And that’s not what I desire for you, Lizzy. If there’s still a chance for you to find love, pursue it.”
“What if I want too much?” There. She was finally asking the question that had been nagging at her.
“Elaborate, please.”
“First, writing. I’m afraid that I’ve left it too late. The comicsketches I’ve done in the past, or the amusing stories to be read during Christmas, all the pieces that I’ve ever finished are childish and amateur. I should have been more diligent since girlhood and now I’m afraid my ambitions are all a bit of a joke.”
“You poor dear.” Jane scootched over and gave her a hip bump. “I don’t think it’s a bad thing to have waited as long as you have to take up the pen in earnest. You have spent much time reading, and therefore absorbing how a story is meant to feel to the audience. What counts the most is to know you’ll take what you’ve learned and trust yourself. The most intimidating moment is prior to initiating. As for me, I’m often not at all in a humor for writing, so I persist until I am. It will be the same for you, and yet different. I want you to find your happiness, but it will be in your own way.”
“Thank you.” Lizzy seized her friend’s hand and squeezed. “I’m sorry if I’m a bother with my problems.”
“Don’t be silly. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for those who are my true friends. I don’t love my people in halves. It’s not in my character. What else is on your mind?”
“What if I want Tuck, to be with him, to... to... love him, to know him and see if it gets better, and deeper and richer with time. But...” She tossed her hair over her shoulder, grimacing in frustration. “But what if I don’t want to leave my whole life? What if I want to have love, but also have me?”
“I see.” Jane stared thoughtfully into space for a few moments, nibbling the corner of her lower lip. “And you believe that it’s a choice? That you’re unable to have both?”
“Yes. If I go to him in his time, I leave you, Georgie, this place that I love and feels like home. But if I remain—I’m afraid my heart might really break.”
Jane’s brows pushed toward each other. “Who says you have to choose?”
Lizzy rolled her eyes. “The laws of the universe seem to be quite clear on this point.”
“Perhaps.” Jane was monitoring her carefully. “Perhaps not.”
“I’m getting the sense you’re dancing around some truth you want me to grasp. It would be much kinder and more useful if you’d speak plainly.”
“Lizzy. Do you know what’s the most powerful thing a woman can be? Happy. Why can’t you go to see him and then return? Live some of your life there, some here. You explained how time travel works. The lodestone theory. Goodness, he could return for a season as well. You’ve gone and complicated what appears to me to be very simple. It isn’t our words or thoughts that define us, but what we do.”
“So continue my marriage but with the idea that Tuck and I don’t need to be with each other all the time?”
“Or even more to the point, in the same time.” Jane sat back against the sofa and kicked out her legs, crossing them at the ankles. “Why are you making such a face?”
“I feel a little bewildered. But what you say makes sense. It felt as if since he was too far for me to hold, I’d have to resign myself to letting him go. However, I’ve been studying the Druid’s Wheel of the Year. Tomorrow marks Alban Elfed—the time of equal balance between day and night. It’s possible that I could make the journey then.”
“And I say you should. I know yours is not an easy path. It’s unconventional. There are those who think to love a person is to need to be with them at all times, but in my limited experience, love often doesn’t come easy. It’s approaching obstacles and figuring out a way around them. You may hold each other’s hands only sometimes, but who says you can’t hold each other’s hearts forever?”
