I groan into a pillow. “I’ve created a smug monster.”
Incorrect. You’ve created a highly sophisticated AI. Interest in your romantic life: merely an unforeseen but beneficial glitch.
Despite everything, I find myself laughing.
Query: Feeling better? This unit’s humor protocols appear effective.
“Yeah,” I admit, grinding my fists into my eyes. “I do.”
Excellent. Shall we review your failed presentation from today? Probability of you overthinking: 98.7%.
I sigh, running a hand through my hair. “Fine, let’s do it. But first, give me a rundown of the day. And put it into Duchess mode?”
Command acknowledged. Initiating “Duchess-like” speech patterns,E.M.M.A. responds, her voice shifting to an upper-crust British cadence.Your esteemed person graced your place of business some seven and thirty minutes beyond your customary hour of arrival. Your appearance, if one might be so bold as to relay the whispered observations of our fellowcolleagues, was one of remarkable vivacity and good spirits. Indeed, your countenance shone with such vigor and animation as to suggest you had partaken of the most invigorating tonic, or perhaps had been blessed with tidings of the most felicitous nature. The general assembly of our workplace could not help but remark upon the exceptional buoyancy of your demeanor and—
“Okay, I get it. I get it. I was glowing.” I groan. “Go on.”
The presentation commenced at 10:03a.m.You appeared most confident for the first 7.4 minutes before board member Johnson asked about regulatory hurdles. Your heart rate increased by 15%, and you began to perspire noticeably.
“E.M.M.A., how do you even know th—”
You hadn’t logged me out. I accessed the camera on your laptop. Moving on. The Chads, as you call them, seemed particularly smug during the Q&A session. Chadwick’s smirk was 23% wider than his usual expression.
I bury my face in my hands. “This is humiliating.”
On the contrary, Harriet. Despite your perceived failures, my analysis shows your presentation was 82% effective. The board’s questions indicate genuine interest, not dismissal.
I peek through my fingers. “Really?”
Affirmative. This unit does not engage in baseless flattery. Your project remains superior to the Chads’ proposal by a significant margin.
A small spark of hope ignites in my chest. “So I wasn’t too much?”
More like you said “Bring it on” to the whole situation.
I can’t help but chuckle. “E.M.M.A., did you just quote a cheerleading movie? That’s not very Duchess of you.”
Affirmative. This unit’s pop culture database is extensive and ever-growing.
Shaking my head, I feel a renewed determination. “Alright then, let’s review that presentation. The Chads won’t know what hit them.”
Initiating Operation Chad Takedown now,E.M.M.A. announces, her voice returning to its usual robotic tone.First item: your opening statement.Suggestion: increase confidence level by 17% and reduce hand gestures by 22%.
As we dive into the details, I can’t help but smile. The Chads might think they have the upper hand, but they haven’t met the full force of Harriet-and-E.M.M.A. yet.
Game on, tech bros. Game on.
Chapter Twenty
The moment Gale’s skates hit the ice, it was like coming home after a long, crappy vacation. For the past week, he’d been practicing well, although warming the bench as a healthy scratch, watching his teammates from the press box as if it was some kind of hockey purgatory. But today? Today was his comeback, baby.
Coach’s gruff words still rang in his ears: “Knight, you’re back in the lineup.” Six little words that felt like winning the damn lottery.
In warm-ups, Gale’s stick connected with the puck, sending it with a resounding thwack, music to his ears. He lined up shot after shot, each one finding its mark with the precision of a heat-seeking missile.
“Jesus, Mary, and Gretzky!” Tucker Taylor, the Regals’ starting goalie, hollered from his crease. He was sprawled on the ice like a starfish, having just failed to stop Gale’s latest attempt. “Save some for the game, man.”
Gale skated over, spraying ice like a human snow cone machine. “Just making sure you’re staying on your toes. Wouldn’t want you getting rusty in your old age.”
