My secrets.
My comfort.
I’ve shared all of that with him in the past few days, and I don’t regret it. Enjoyed it, actually. So much so, I fucking kissed him.
That’s another thing I don’t do. It’s so rare, I don’t even know the last time it happened. High school? My first year on the circuit? A long damn time ago that’s for sure. It strikes me as more personal than sex, so I don’t go there.Ever. Yet, I couldn’t physically stop myself from kissing Lennon before I left this morning. I just had to know what it’d be like.
Swear to God, that man has the softest lips on the planet. I wanted to drown in them, to kiss them until they were swollen and red from my stubble, so he’d be forced to feel me all day. I don’t know where I found the restraint to pull away, but as my fist shuttles over my swollen cock, I come with the memory of his tongue sliding along mine.
Damn. Even memories of the man are more powerful than any hookup I’ve ever had. I hope I have the chance to make more before I leave, though I’m not counting on it.
Last night wasn’t something either of us signed up for, so I can see Lennon using it as an excuse to stay away. Part of me wants to do the same thing so this doesn’t go too far. An even bigger part of me wants to head over to Murphy’s and see how he’s doing, but after letting me take care of him I know I wouldn’t be welcome. He’s too self-sufficient for that, which is why I kissed him. If he’s determined to prove he’s okay on his own, it’s unlikely I’ll see him again.
Hours later, that thought is still lingering in my mind as I skid off a trail and have to dump my bike to avoid going down with it. Cursing, I take off my helmet and throw it on the ground.
Get your shit together, Axel.
“Whoa.” Trevor slides to a stop behind me, parking his own bike to help me right mine. “You’ve got a case of the yips? Tell me that’s the bike and not you.”
“The bikes in top shape,” Nick says as he and Jace reach us, having backtracked to where we are once they noticed we weren’t behindthem. “Or at least it was when I checked it this morning. Is she running alright?”
Lying would result in hours of inspection to see what’s not working, which isn’t worth my pride no matter how much the truth will sting. Still, I give them a truth they won’t give me shit about.
“Bikes running fine. My head just isn’t in it today.” I make a show of checking for any damage after my wreck, so I don’t have to see their faces.
“What’s on your mind?” Jace takes his helmet off and shuts off the cameras to avoid recording my confession. I give him a subtle nod of appreciation.
“My dad’s looking for me again,” I tell them.
“That doesn’t usually bother you,” Nick remarks as he heads back to his bike.
“I’m just getting tired of it. Every time I start to relax and think maybe he’s given up, he pokes his head up again. I just want it to end.” The lie rolls easily off my tongue since I’ve felt this way before. “I wish there was a way to get him off my case, permanently.”
“Tell me again why a restraining order won’t work?” Trevor asks.
“Who do I file that with? The trailer is the closest thing I have to a permanent residence, and it’s never parked in the same place. No PD could enforce it since I travel so much.” This isn’t a conversation I want to get into, but it’s better than admitting Lennon is the real reason for my wandering thoughts.
“Want to bug out of here sooner, avoid the chance of him catching up?” Jace offers. Of the three of them, he has the most first-hand experience with how messed up my dad is and gets why moving around is often easier than trying to change things. He’s been doing it with me for years.
Normally, I’d take him up on that suggestion—there’s always a new place to explore and we avoid getting attached to any one spot for exactly this reason—but today that thought makes my chest ache.
Hoping he’ll take me at face value, I give him the last answer he’s expecting. “I’m over trying to avoid him. If he catches up, he catches up. I’ll deal with it then.”
“How?” Jace asks.
“Honestly, I have no idea. Maybe I’ll just talk to the bastard.”
“And say what?” I know Jace is trying to make me think this through, but right now I wish he’d back off.
“Maybe I’ll tell him Ma is going to file a restraining order.” I blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.
“She’d never do that. She thinks he’s harmless. A deadbeat, but harmless.” Jace shakes his head, and with his helmet still on it looks like a warning, even though I know he’s just expressing his disappointment.
“You got a better idea?” I spread my arms wide, inviting him to speak up. It’s a dick gesture, but if he doesn’t have a solution he shouldn’t say anything.
“Tell him you’re moving your mom,” Trevor says with a shrug. “If he can’t find her, then he’ll lose the only source of sympathy he’s got left, right? That might scare him into leaving you alone.”
“Why does she even care about him, anyway? He left her high and dry after losing their money,” Nick scoffs.
