He's running on empty and still has the capacity to make some kid’s day.
I’m decent with kids. Fans, anyway. I’m not especially drawn to them, but I can hold my own. I’m not sure I’ve ever made one grin like this kid is, and I damn sure wouldn’t have a matching expression on my face if I did. That’s just not who I am, unless I'm talking about biking. Yet I could watch Lennon smile at this little guy all day. If he let me.
He has this energy about him that people can’t help responding to. Even the tiny ones, apparently. They light up when he gives them his attention, like he makes them feel alive. I totally get that, so much so that a part of me dreads the thought of giving it up when we go to our next location. Yet even if I could change my schedule, he’s given me no reason to think he wants me to.
“I didn’t say that, either," I answer Blake. "But even if I were at a point where I could stop moving around so much, I’m not sure Lennon wants that from me.”
I have no idea why I’m admitting this to a total stranger. Maybe I’m hoping to get more insight since he seems to know Lennon well. Or maybe I think saying it out loud will make me realize how crazy it is to even consider something more than this little fling we have going on. Either way, it’s the truth.
“He probably doesn’t want that. But what if he needs it?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I turn away from Lennon to look at Blake.
“It means the only thing Lennon has eyes for, to my knowledge, is work. But he keeps sneaking glances at you, so maybe that means you’re someone who could get him to ease up on the hours. Noneof us have been able to do it.” Blake jerks his head to the guys sitting beside him at the bar.
I want him to explain more, but before I can ask, Jace, Nick and Trevor come up behind me.
“Figured we’d find you here.” Nick gives me a fist bump, arching a brow as he spots Lennon behind the bar. I ignore it, just like Jace appears to be ignoring me, and introduce them all to Blake, who introduces us to his friends.
If Trevor or Nick notice the tension between me and Jace, they don’t mention it, and while I’m grateful for that since now isn’t the time or place, it makes me feel like an even bigger jackass. I’m not intentionally flaunting the fact that I’m here to see Lennon, but it probably looks that way to Jace, and while it kills me that he’s barely acknowledging me, I’m content to play coward for a little while longer. Until we aren’t surrounded by curious eyes and ears.
Lennon brings everyone drinks, and we all get engrossed in the Red Bull Rampage, cheering when the riders pull off an especially good trick. Mountain bikes are a hell of a lot lighter than dirt bikes, so these guys can ride terrain and do tricks I’d never dream of, even though we all do similar flips and spins. I appreciate all the things they do, but it makes me appreciate my sport that much more. We ride hills that are built to be jumped, while these guys are flinging themselves off the side of a mountain.
When one guy lands a flip over a gap that has to be a few hundred feet wide everyone lifts their arms in celebration, though Jace pulls his down quickly, rubbing his shoulder.
“Shoulder trouble?” Blake asks him.
“It gets sore after holding the camera.” Jace rolls it in circles to loosen it up.
“Let’s see.” Blake stands and puts his hands on Jace’s shoulder, causing him to jolt in place. Then his eyes roll back in his head as Blake kneads the muscle. “Yeah, that’s pretty tight.” Blake rubs his palms over his thighs before sitting back on his barstool. “Swing by the spa before you leave town. We’ll get you fixed up.”
“You work at the spa?” I ask as Jace rolls his shoulder, testing its mobility.
“Yep. Massage.” Blake nods. “Pay is good, hours are better, and it doesn’t interfere with the mountain bike clinics I run for kids.”
Jace starts to ask about the clinics when movement catches the corner of his eye. “Is that guy okay?” he asks Blake.
Blake turns to see the guy next to him swaying on his barstool. Ryder, I think his name is. “No. His brother just died and he’s trying to drink himself numb. I better get him home.” He shakes hands with everyone and with the help of a third guy, Deacon, they carry their friend out.
I track them until they’re out the door, feeling a pang of sympathy for the guy even though I don’t know him. Lennon said he’d never lost anyone so young, and this guy doesn’t look more than twenty-five, so the brother must have been even younger.
How much life can you live in twenty-five years or less? How much can you experience, especially living out of a trailer? Are you even living? Am I?
The questions come faster than I can process them, all leading me toward the same conclusion. Life is short, and so far, mine has revolved around the bike. That’s not a bad thing, but maybe it’s not the only thing.
“We gonna talk about it?” Jace asks quietly from the seat Blake vacated, which I didn’t realize he’d taken since I was lost in my head. Thinking about Lennon.
Jace is a better man than I am, giving me an opening instead of holding a grudge, and I do need to talk to him, to explain myself and beg forgiveness for keeping a secret that clearly hurt him. But I can’t get into it now. I might not be able to do it until we leave, because as long as we’re in Katah Vista, I want to spend every free moment I have with Lennon.
“Of course we are.” Lennon passes behind him on the way down the hall to his office and I jump up from my seat. “And I’ll tell you everything and answer any question you have. Just not yet. I have to… I’ll be right back.” I trot after the man whose attention Ineedto have on me.
I’m being a shitty friend, and I can only hope the fact Jace and I are basically family will save us in the end. But right now it feels like I need to have eyes on Lennon just to be able to breathe, so even though Jace deserves better, I can’t give that to him. Not when I feel like I’m on the verge of having to make a major life decision, and I don’t know what I’ll choose.
Lennon’s door is nearly shut when I reach it, but I wedge my foot between it and the frame, forcing him to pull it open to see what’s wrong. I brush past and shut us inside, pinning him between the door and my chest.
His full lips are parted in surprise, and I take advantage, pressing my mouth to his and sliding my tongue inside as I massage his ass with my hand.
“What was that for?” he gasps when I let him come up for air.
