“I suppose so.” I feel him shrug, which makes my stomach flutter. He’s not as arrogant as I pegged him to be that first day. Not when it comes to riding, anyway.
“How’d you get so good?”
“I rode every chance I got. It helped me avoid the house, at least until I moved in with Jace. His dad used to ride, so he trained us both.”
“Jace, your cameraman? He competes?”
“Not anymore. He had a nasty fall and figured the competition wasn’t worth it after that. He still loves to ride, though. That’s how he ended up being the camera guy, and since we grew up riding together it made sense that he'd come on the road with me.”
Spinning to face him, his arms tighten around me as I study his nostalgic expression. “Sounds like the perfect arrangement.”
“I used to think so,” he whispers just before his lips touch mine in a kiss that’s far too sweet for our hookup arrangement.
I hate that I don’t hate that.
Chapter twelve
Axel
Idrive a little slower on the ride back since I’m not sure when, if ever, I’ll have Lennon on my bike again, and I want to enjoy every second of it. His chest pressed against my back; his arms wrapped securely around my waist; the occasional wandering hand that teases my abs… It’s an intimacy I haven’t experienced before, and I like it enough to want more of it.
Deep down, I know that means he’s become important to me, although I have no clue what to do about that. I still have to travel, and he’s still committed to his work, so I’m pretty sure there’s no way this continues once I move to our next location.
I’d come back to see him if he had any interest in that. Maybe even get a place of my own here so I have a spot to land between competitions. That was on my mind even before meeting Lennon, and the idea that he lives in the town I could end up calling home has a certain appeal. Beyond the sex thing, which seems to be working well for both of us, I like the way he challenges me. I like that he can understand the pieces of my past I’ve shared with him. Plus, he’s cool to hang out with. I think I’d be down to do that without the promise of sex if he was willing.
Wow, one day of just hanging out and I’m already game for more. That spiraled quickly.
I don’t usually find myself daydreaming about what could be—up to this point my life has gone exactly how I wanted it to—so there wasn’t any reason to wish for something different. I wonder if this is how it works for people who don’t get to live their dream? Their mind wanders off course, and they get lost in how perfect the fantasy could be. Perfect would never happen with us, though.
Even if I gave up the circuit, which my body will force me to do at some point, Lennon is still a workaholic who’d rather be in his restaurant than literally anywhere else. Hell, he’s only here now since I’m a temporary fixture, and once I’m gone, he’s sure to dive back into work. I doubt that would change regardless of whether I come here between events or retire from competitions and put down permanent roots.
Retirement is another complication. I make good money, but not “retire before thirty and never work again,” money. I need a second act, and if I start that in Katah Vista, what would I do? All I know is riding, and while this is a great place to make a movie, the sport doesn’t have a huge presence here. So yeah, as much as I’d like to keep something going between us, I don’t see—
What is that?
I slow just enough to read the giant sign on the side of the road, one of those mini billboard things with a headshot in the lower right corner. It’s advertising property for sale, a massive plot over thirty acres, with a barn that looks big enough to house at least two or three jumps. Maybe even a foam pit for learning new tricks.
What was it Blake said he did at the resort? Mountain bike clinics? If there’s a market for that, maybe there’s one for dirt bikes? Maybe the next phase of my career is coaching, just like Jace’s dad did for me.I could get into that idea, especially if it gives me reason to stay here. I wonder what Lennon would say about that. Would it freak him out or make him happy? Either way, it’s definitely something to think about. I might have to take a closer look at it while he’s at work tomorrow.
All too soon, we pull up to my place and find Jace loading gear into his truck. “What are you packing for? We’ve got the house for five more days.”
“The sponsors caught wind of a few guys riding over in Utah before the next competition. They want to get some footage of you riding with them outside the competition setting. We leave first thing in the morning.”
My heart drops down to my stomach so fast I swear I’d lose my balance if I weren’t sitting on the bike. The hollow void left behind sparks a sense of hopelessness that leaves me feeling both heavy and cold, and more devastated than I have a right to be. “Tomorrow?”
A few minutes ago, I was on the verge of disrupting the life I’ve led for years just to see if there was a way to keep seeing Lennon. To come home to each other after a day of work, to wake up together, hell, even to sit at the bar and watch him sling drinks in his sexy skirts. Now I see how unrealistic that is.
My life is too unpredictable to think of calling any one place home, at least right now, while I’m still committed to my sponsors and the upcoming season. And while I was really looking forward to spending the next several nights with Lennon, this abrupt change in plans is a reminder of how futile such thoughts are.
I have no right to think about planting roots, not while I’ve got a team of people who live this nomadic life just to support me, and not because of a person who by all accounts is still a fuck buddy. If I stayed another few days maybe things would be different, but givenwhat Lennon confessed about his vow to support himself at any cost, it’s premature of me to think about a future he may not want.
It’s probably better that this be our last night together. After all, if I was willing to consider sticking close to him after just five nights, it’s safer to cut out now before I really get attached.
“Yeah, tomorrow,” Jace replies as I take off my helmet. “The trails here are still too muddy so Utah makes sense. I’m going to pack up as much as I can tonight, so we don’t have to do it in the morning. Trevor and Nick have already got the bikes in the trailers, now I’m packing the gear. Want me to take anything for you?” he offers with a brief but not extremely subtle glance in Lennon’s direction.
It’s his way of giving me more time with Lennon, which I don’t deserve after the way I treated him. It makes me feel like a douche for not coming clean to Jace about him sooner. Any apologies will have to wait though, because I’m not giving up a second of the time we have left.
“Should I go?” Lennon’s voice is softer than usual, and I don’t think that’s because it’s muffled by the helmet. I hope it isn’t, anyway.
