Sloan’s face droops as I shut him down, but for my own sanity that’s what I have to do. Axel will leave again, which means I can’t indulge in Sloan’s wishful thinking, or let my daydreams take hold.
That’s easier said than done considering he’s crashing at my place for the next few days, but as long as we keep fucking like rabbits there’s no need to let myself believe he wants anything more than a convenient hookup, exactly as we agreed to in the beginning. I just have to make sure that pesky organ in my chest doesn’t take over thinking for the one in my head.
Chapter sixteen
Axel
My surprise visit didn’t give Lennon any time to plan ahead, so he’s been working the past several days while I hang out, exploring the town, the trails, and getting a sense of what it would be like to stay here. Indefinitely.
Aside from just having a cool vibe—with all the buildings on Main Street painted funky colors and more bikes on the street than cars—it seems like the entire place has a passion for all things outdoors. You can tell by the way everyone dresses. Yeah, there are people who buy outdoor brands because they look nice or feel comfortable, but there’s a difference between those who justwearit and those thatuseit. The fact that everyone here uses their gear makes me feel instantly connected to them, like I’ve found my tribe without having to go on the road.
Not only that, it’s easy to recognize the expressions on their faces, because my crew and I wear the same ones daily. The one that says you’re still flying high from the adrenalin that comes from pushing your body to the limit as you sit with a beer on a patio and reminisce about how epic it was.
There are tourists of course, people rubbernecking as they walk down the street checking out the scenery. Some are loaded up with shopping bags or licking ice cream cones, but whether tourist or local, everyone seems pretty chill. They're content to live in the moment instead of rushing around because their mind is somewhere else. I freakin’ love it.
Each day, after exploring the trails, I’ve started a tradition of sitting on a bench outside Murphy’s with a smoothie from the juice bar while I watch the world go by, like I’m doing right now. I’m starting to recognize some faces; the old lady from the corner market—who I assume is the namesake, Nona. Blake, Deacon and Ryder—although Ryder seems too distraught by the loss of his brother to recognize me yet. Even Ally, who has a clothes shop across the street and who seems to stop by almost once daily.
Several have asked how long I’m in town for, and while that could be interpreted as nosy, I think the intent was to be friendly. Well, Ally seemed to be hinting at my intentions toward Lennon, but since I’ve learned they’re friends, I understand her curiosity. Everyone else I’ve met seemed nice. I like it. But my favorite part about being here is my man.
I help with the morning food delivery each day, roam around in the afternoon, and pop in at Murphy’s for dinner each night. Then we leave together to go to his house. Most nights we go a couple rounds in bed, although once we were too tired to do anything more than hold each other as we fell asleep, and I enjoyed that just as much as the orgasms. Being with him is infinitely better than being alone in my trailer no matter what we do, and truth be told, I don’t want to give it up.
Maybe I could convince him to take a much-needed break and join me on the road? Not permanently—he’d never go for that—although I wonder about getting him to meet me at some competitions throughout the season. This weekend is the opening event in Arizona, leaving me nearly a full week to convince him to go with me and watch me compete.
He’ll flip when I spring the idea on him, that much I know. Aside from being such short notice, it’s a weekend, and those are always busy times at the restaurant. I have a few cards up my sleeve to convince him it’s a good idea, though. I think I can sway him, but regardless of whether he comes or not, I plan to head back here before the following event. Maybe before all my events.
I don’t know how it happened so fast, but Lennon’s become like air, something I need to survive. There’s something about seeing him at the end of each day that calms me. Makes all my thoughts about work and my dad fade away. And not because of the sex, either. Of course, that helps. But just being with him makes me feel lighter. And if our jobs are going to keep us apart on a daily basis, I’ll just have to make do with little detours like this all season. It’s not ideal, but I can handle missing him if I know I’ll see him again.
The not knowing is what screwed me up in Utah. I got there and realized I wasn’t ready to move on, and if he felt the same, I’d never know since I left him no way to reach me. I couldn’t stop asking myself what might've happened if I stayed longer or made plans to stay in touch. And with my head messed up, my riding suffered. That scared me, though the thought of him being just a memory scared me more.
I don’t know what that means for my future, I just know I can’t pretend not to care if he’s in it. So here I am, hoping the longer I’m here the easier it will be for him to come to the same conclusion.
“Hey, man. Beck said you were still in town.” Blake gives me a fist bump before joining me on the bench. “I didn’t believe him, though.”
“Don’t tell me you doubted the gossip.” I can’t stop myself from making a little dig at the town’s expense.
“You did tell me you had no plans to stop moving around.” He watches me closely, I assume to hear what I don’t say. But I’m not going to hide anything. There’s no point since I’m pretty sure he can guess why I’m here, and where I’m crashing.
“Plans change.” I wipe an imaginary speck of dirt off my bike shorts. I’ve got no problem admitting to what he likely already knows, but that doesn’t mean I want to bro down with him. Not when I barely know the guy.
“Where’s your crew?” He glances up and down the street, searching.
“We all scattered once we finished filming so we could take a break before the first event. I scattered here… Not sure where they all went.” Blake seems to deflate a little with that information.That was a pretty heavy exhale.
Blake tips his chin to a guy walking past and turns back to me. “No wonder you’ve been loitering at Murphy’s every day. You do know there’s no shortage of people here who would ride with you, right?" He inclines his head toward the rented mountain bike parked on the rack in front of us. I've been reduced to manual power without my motorcycle here. "Lennon could tell you how to find us.”
While having people know your every move is still a little weird, I can’t stop the amused grin from spreading across my face. “If you know my schedule so well then you know I’ve been out every day. Anyone can join me anytime.”
“Now you’re catching on.” He nods approvingly. “Don’t expect any privacy and you won’t be disappointed. So, does this little return trip mean you’ve convinced Lennon to take another day off?”
“Would I be sitting on this bench every afternoon if I had?”
“You giving up?” He shakes his head like I’m a disappointment. Given that the last person to look at me like that was my dad I’m surprised to find myself amused instead of pissed.
“Hell, no. I’m just not gonna make a big deal over a day when I’m hoping I can get a weekend.”
A slow smile spreads across his face. “Playing hardball. I like it. Although, I can’t imagine how you’ll pull it off. Summer weekends are some of the busiest we get around here.”
I tip my chin up briefly in acknowledgment. “I’ve got some ideas.”
