I clear my throat to cover my chuckle.He’s not wrong about that.
“It’s not funny.” His full lips turn down in the way he learned to weaponize as a kid so he could get his way.
“What’s the rush to find a guy? You’re twenty, Beck.”
“Twenty-one in a few months.” He lifts his chin.
“My bad.” I shoot him a fake smile. “But again, what’s the rush?”
“No rush.” He sighs. “I’ve just been watching all these people find each other which makes it that much more obvious that I’m single.”
“What people?” I fill a pint glass from the tap for another server.
“Cade and Maddox, Sloan and Carter. Now you.”
“What makes you think I’m not single?” My voice is surprisingly level given the way his statement sends my heart racing.
“The gorgeous man who plops his butt at this counter every day and watches you like he can’t decide whether he wants to fuck you senseless or snuggle you like a teddy bear.”
I roll my eyes the way he’s prone to, hoping that distracts him from noticing that my hands shake slightly as I set another beer on the bar top.Axel doesn’t look at me like that, does he?
“Don’t read too much into it. He’s got competitions coming up, so he won’t be here much longer, which leaves me just as single as you.” My tone is indifferent, though the words aren’t. I need to keep repeating them, because despite the invitation to watch him compete, Axel hasn’t given me any indication that I should expect to see him after that. I’d like to think I would, but his season lasts months, and a lot can change in that length of time.
Counting on something that hasn’t been discussed is how hearts get broken, which is why I can’t choose to listen to Beck’s words over the caution bells ringing in my head.
“Don’t count on that,” he mutters.
“What?”
“The guy already came back for you once, and if he likes you as much as he likes his bike—which so far seems to be the case—then you’re not as single as you think you are.” He picks up his tray and saunters off toward his table, leaving me standing behind the bar open-mouthed.
That stupor plagues me for the rest of the afternoon, until Axel drags me to the Solstice party. Though we can hear the music at Murphy’s, he walks us to the end of Main Street so we can see the band, a local group that plays covers of everything from the Grateful Dead to The Dirty Heads.
We reach the crowd by the stage, and he nudges me in front of him, wrapping his arm around my waist so my back is pressed against his chest. The band starts their next song, and we stand together, swaying silently to the music as the people in front of us bounce around and shout. We must look out of place—it’s not a slow song—though I’m perfectly content to move listlessly as long as I’m in Axel’s arms.
It occurs to me in this first peaceful moment of my day that Beck might be onto something when he says I’m not as single as I think I am. The way Axel’s holding me right now doesn’t screamcasual sex, and while I know this has become something more, I’m still hesitant to use the boyfriend label. It comes with too many expectations. Too many questions I don’t yet have the answer to. I can’t deny enjoying what’s happening right now, though.
It's not accurate to consider myself lonely. Yet standing here in Axel’s arms, I feel a sense of belonging. A connection. There’s something about the two of us together that fits, at least in this moment, and while our different paths mean it’s unlikely to last, part of me wants it to, somehow.
I shake my head to clear that thought as the band wraps up their last song, and we follow the crowd to the bonfire.
“How does this work, exactly?” Axel asks as we approach the towering pile of wood, hand in hand. “Do we all thank the sun or does one person do it for everyone?”
“Nona from the market in town does the talking, but anyone can thank the sun. Sometimes people write a note on a scrap of paper and throw it in the fire, other people make an offering of sorts, throwing in an object.”
“What do you do?”
“Nothing usually, although when I first opened Murphy’s, I asked for a good season. It seemed like a good idea for our inaugural year.” I step in front of him and wrap his arms around me, just the way we stood watching the band, and he props his chin on my shoulder.
“What are you going to ask for this year?” His deep voice rumbles in my ear.
“A successful expansion.”Did I imagine it, or did his body seem to sag just now?“What are you going to ask for?”
I feel his lip pull back in a grin. “Am I allowed to tell you, or does that make it not come true like it does with making a wish?”
“Good question.” My shoulders lift only slightly under the weight of his arms. “I hope there’s no consequence for sharing what you ask for.”
“Just in case I think maybe I’ll keep mine to myself.” He plants a kiss on my temple as Nona makes her way to the front of the crowd.
