“Where are we?” My voice sounds raspy as I struggle to pull away.
“Don’t move. I’ll get you some water.” He lifts my head off his chest as he slips out of bed. The single bed, with guard rails on the side.
He holds a straw to my lips, and I sip deeply, letting the cool water coat my dry throat. When I’ve drunk my fill, I ask again. “Where are we?”
“The hospital. You have a concussion. I found you…” His voice cracks like he’s choking on the words. “I found you behind Murphy’s.”
“Why were you there?”
“I went by your house, and you weren’t home, so I figured that’s the only other place you’d be. And when I saw you…Jesus I thought I’d lost you.” He wipes a tear from his eye with the back of his wrist. “What were you doing there so late?”
“What time was that?” I close my eyes as a wave of pain crashes over me.
“Ten thirty.”
“Ten thirty.” I roll the word over my tongue as I try to pull up a memory that seems just out of reach. “Wait, if you found me at Murphy’s then we’re in Colorado? I was supposed to go to Texas. The last thing I remember is getting everything ready for Randy so I could leave.”
Axel hooks a finger under my chin and gently tilts my head up so he can see my eyes. “Why were you going to Texas?”
So many things are fuzzy right now, but on this I’ve never been more clear. “To tell you I made a mistake. That I wanted to do the support each other thing instead of the focus on myself thing.”
“For real?” He brushes his thumb over my lip.
“For real. You were right about everything. I was afraid of losing my independence so I made you out to be like my dad even though you’renothing alike, and I tried to force you to be the one to make all the concessions so I could stay in my safe space. I was a hypocrite.”
“Not intentionally.”
I wince even though he seems to be giving me an out. “I don’t think that makes it any better.”
“To me it does. Acting out of fear isn’t the same as acting out of malice or indifference. And I’m guessing once you had a chance to analyze your motives that’s when you decided to come after me. That’s how it went for me, anyway.”
“For you… Why were you at Murphy’s?” I whisper, watching his amber eyes track his thumb as it glides over my skin.
“To tell you I’d retire after this season.” His gaze meets mine, and in it I see the truth of those words. He’d give it all up, for me.
“Why?”
“Riding isn’t the most important thing in my life anymore.”
I shake my head and immediately wince from the pain. Panic flashes across his face, but I hold my hand up to stop him from overreacting. “No. You aren’t leaving the sport for me. I won’t let you.”
“Lennon, I’m nearing retirement, anyway. And I’d rather stay in one place with you than travel all over without you.”
“No,” I repeat, holding his stare. “You won’t travel without me, at least not all the time. And you’re not ending your career early because of me.”
“I wouldn’t end it.” He wipes away a tear that trickled from my eye. “I’d just change the way it looked.”
“What does that mean?” I flinch when it hurts to frown.
He kisses the spot between my brows. “It means I’ve already got a plan for what the next phase of my career looks like. And I can live in Katah Vista full-time to do it.”
“What’s that?” I ask around a yawn.
“I’ll tell you all about it later. Right now, I just want to climb back in bed and hold you until you’re well enough to go home.” He slips beside me and guides my head to his chest.
“Is this allowed in the hospital?” I shift against him until I find a comfortable spot.
“Fuck if I know. But I’m gonna lose my shit if I can’t feel you next to me.”
