“Which is why they use it.” I fight not to roll my eyes as I sigh. “If you can’t remember the number you’re just as guilty as if you can’t walk the line. Where is the line anyway?” I pretend to look around the floor for a line we both know isn’t there.
“Just walk. If you topple over, you fail.”
Holding my arms out to the side for balance—which you can’t do but Frosty apparently doesn’t know that—I take my nine steps, turn around, and take nine back. “Satisfied?”
“No. Stand on one leg.”
“Should I pat my head and rub my stomach, too?”
“Yes, actually.” He gives me a wicked smirk, which I’d find amusing if he wasn’t seriously testing my patience.
I lift my leg, but instead of rubbing my stomach I hold my arm toward him and lift my middle finger. “We done here?”
“Almost. Say the alphabet backward.”
“That’s not part of the test.”
“My program, my rules.” If he wasn’t so fucking proud of himself, I might applaud his effort, but that sickly sweet smile begs me to one up him.
“Z. Y. W. No, X. Fuck—This is a worthless test. I can’t recite the alphabet backward, period. Either put me on the slope with Max or send me home.”
At this point, I’m not even sure which I want him to do. Before I walked through the door my plan was to get kicked out, but bringing up Max… Ishouldn’tride, not because I’m hungover and exhausted but because I need to put as much distance as possible between me and the mountain. I don’t want to be the guy that disappoints him though, so if Hayden says I’m good I’ll give the kid what he wants. Only the kid, though. No one else.
“You better hope that kid does those turns you’ve got him convinced he can do.” Hayden’s soft declaration echoes louder than his pissed-off tirade from a few minutes earlier, probably because it reeks more of disappointment than defeat.
And it leaves me feeling numb.
I’ve been aiming for numb for months, so why am I not satisfied?
Chapter fourteen
Hayden
For a guy who just dodged a bullet, the absence of a smug smile is suspect. Then, like a curtain falling shut, the cold indifference returns to his eyes. “I’m honored, Frosty. It almost sounds like you think I know what I’m doing.”
My chest heaves as I try to calm my breathing. I can’t explain it, but I get the sense Ryder’sforcinghimself to be an ass, and until I know why that is, I can’t succumb to his attempts to bait me into getting angry. But I can’t coddle him either. He’ll see right through that. “I think you’re talented enough to help Max. The question is whether you can get out of your head long enough to do it.”
His already stoic face pales, and I’m ashamed to admit I find it hauntingly beautiful.
“Careful, Frosty. You have no idea what’s in my head.”
I recognize his attempt to backpedal from the progress he seemed to make over the last few days and counter it with my own observation. “No, but I know whatever’s weighing you down isn’t there when you’re on the mountain, yet you do everything possible to avoid the one thing that seems to bring you any kind of happiness.”
Ryder takes a menacing step closer and snarls, “Maybe I don’t deserve happiness.”
His dark tone has me stepping back, though that extra foot allows me to see the pain under his ominous expression. "Is that why you seem determined to sabotage every chance you have to find it?”
He takes another step forward. “It’s not sabotage, it's penance. And that’s not supposed to make me happy.”
“Penance can lead to happiness.” My back hits the wall as I try to retreat, though not out of fear of him so much as fear that he’ll hear the heavy thumping of my heart if he gets close enough.
“Not for me.” Another step and he closes the distance between us, setting our faces mere inches apart.
I blink my eyes, trying to reconcile his words. Everyone deserves happiness. Even guys who act like jerks to mask their pain. If only I knew the reason for his demons, maybe…
“Don’t.” He punctuates the warning with a curt shake of his head.
“Don’t what?”
