“See? You didn’t screw up,” Carter says softly. “You got through to him when no one else could, and now he’s trying to move on.”
“Yeah. I guess we don’t need to look at schedules then.” I blink away the tears I feel gathering in my eyes, hoping Carter doesn’t see them.
“Actually, I think this means looking at schedules is critical. This race may be a step toward moving on, but it’s an impulsive one, and it’s hardly a stretch since it’s right here in Katah Vista. Whether Ryder decides to race again or not, just getting to this point is largely due to you. I wouldn’t be surprised if youdoend up being a factor in his decision, and if you meant what you said about wanting to be there for his races, we better be prepared.”
It’s so wrong that I hope he’s right.
Chapter twenty-five
Ryder
Idrop my bag next to the door and head straight for the couch, collapsing across the cushions that act as my bed when I’m too drunk to find the real one.
Fucking Frosty. Lumping himself into the reasons I should find some sort of happiness in life… And when I finally accept that, what does he do? He makes excuses about not being able to be part of that life. Apparently, he’s the kind of man to say anything to you want to hear, but doesn’t come through. I’m used to seeing through the bullshit, but he… He blindsided me and I fell for it.Hard.
At least one good thing came out of this shit show—I got back on a board. I still feel guilty about riding when Chase can’t. I also still feel responsible for his death, but at least now I can separate the crash from getting on the slope. And being that it’s the only thing I’ve got going for me, maybe I should get back to it, starting with the race Katah Vista is hosting next week.
I’ll probably suck since I haven’t been training. Hell, the whole season will probably be a bust because of that. But at least if I race, I’ll keep the sponsors I have left, and I can make a full comeback the next year.
I reach for my phone and type out a quick text, hitting send before I can second-guess myself.
Delivered.
The tiny text pops up right underneath the message I sent Carter. I guess that means I’m racing in a few days. I just wish I knew if I was making the best decision of my life or the dumbest. One thing I know for certain, though, is my board has never weaseled its way into my heart only to dip at the last second. Not like Frosty.
I still don’t have a plan B, so it makes sense to do a race and figure out if I love it the way I used to. What freaks me out is that I might enjoy it enough to keep going, and that means leaving behind the life I’ve started to enjoy again. It means giving uphim. Though, maybe that’s for the best.
He’s always said I shouldn’t latch onto him to get my shit together, so that crap about scheduling around his job might be his way of making sure I don’t. But if he’s so worried about that why’d he let me get close to him in the first place? Isn’t it more damaging to let me fall for him and ditch me? Wouldn’t the best thing have been for us to not get involved at all?
Wait—have I fallen for him?
I know I like him—or did up until the shit he spewed today—but is it more than that?
Fuck. I scrub a hand over my face as I replay the last several times I’ve seen him in my mind. I told him how I screwed up with Blake. I confessed my guilt about Chase. And I asked if he’d come to some events. That wasn’t something I planned, it just popped out, and it seemed to make sense in ahave-my-cake-and-eat-it-toosort of way. Assuming I go back on the circuit.
“Ugghhh,” I scream to theempty room.
Okay, I more than like him. That doesn’t mean shit though since he doesn’t feel the same about me. And the worst part—he fucking warned me. Hayden flat out told me it’d be risky to get involved before I sorted my shit. Right after riding my dick.
A humorless laugh passes through my lips. I may have fallen for him, but I’m not going to let that interfere with what I do from here. I’ll race next week, and if it feels right, I’ll pick it up again. If it doesn’t, I’ll figure out something else to do. Either way, he won’t be a factor in my decision.
No one will. After all, people can’t let you down if you don’t let them in to begin with.
***
Damn this is hard.
After countless practice runs this week, I shook off some of the rust, and memorized every inch of this course. But none of that can make up for the two-month head start the rest of the field has on me.
My starts are shit, setting me back a quarter second out of the gate, and while that doesn’t sound like much, it can be the difference between first and fifth. Not that I’ll even place that high in my first race of the season, but even one tiny disadvantage early on can tank the whole race. Fortunately, my knowledge of the course keeps me in the mix, but I’m huffing and puffing while the other guys are barely winded. Still, just being on the board makes me feel alive in a way that little else does.
The anticipation that hums in the air before the start has my body vibrating, and the adrenaline coursing through my veins as I fly down the hill makes my skin tingle everywhere. There aren’t any spectatorsalong the run, but there’s a huge crowd at the bottom, and hearing my name each time I finish inspires me to keep pushing myself instead of giving in to the uncomfortable burn in my lungs and my muscles.
I win the first heat, mostly because I’ve got a home field advantage. The second is tougher, with faster competitors who make fewer mistakes. I take second, which makes me eligible to move to the next round. When the gate drops for the third race, I’m already starting to lose stamina, and I’m a full second behind by the time I hit the first turn.
My ‘home’ advantage is dwindling into nothing. Everyone’s run the course several times over by now. My competitive nature keeps me pushing forward, so I’m not dead last, but I don’t place high enough to move to the final round.
Chances are, I’ll take eighth or ninth overall, which is pretty incredible considering my lack of training. It validates what Max was telling me a few weeks back, that I might have the talent to be one of the top racers worldwide. If I commit to it.
