A slow, disbelieving grin spread over his mouth. He rolled to his side, curving forward so that we were practically nose to nose. “Alice Cloutier, was that a genuine compliment?”
I smiled back, reached up, and grazed his cheekbone with the tips of my fingers. His eyelids went a little droopy in response to my touch. His breath rattled. “I have more. Most of them are just disguised as secrets. Do you want to know what they are?”
He nipped playfully at my fingers with his teeth, grabbing them when I retreated with a soft, amused snort so he could press a gentle kiss against their tips. “I don’t want you to say something you’ll regret in the morning.”
“So… youdon’twant to hear how pretty I think you are,” I teased.
His brows went up. “I didn’t saythat.” Then, “You think I’m pretty?”
“That shouldn’t be surprising. Everybody thinks you’re pretty.”
“You’re not everybody.”
Somehow, our legs had gotten twined, and the hand he’d grabbed was cradled against his chest. There was too much eye contact. It was making me lightheaded, but I couldn’t bring myself to look away. So I leaned in and pressed a comforting, delicate kiss to his lower lip. He twitched like he instinctively felt a pull to chase it but stopped himself.
“Do you want to talk more about your mom?” I whispered.
“I’m happy to answer whatever other questions you have.” He sounded tired, the heavy strain of the last twenty-four hours bruising the soft skin under his eyes.
I had a million questions left, but it felt a little selfish to keep pushing him when he was already depleted. Plus, there was always tomorrow.
“Sheishappy, Alice,” he murmured when I hesitated. “I felt so much guilt at first, putting her in full-time care. The plan was always to bring her to live with me when the house was finished, things were more stable, and I could hire a small team to take care of her. That’s one of the reasons I had a replica of her old garden made. But I keep putting it off because she’s… she has friends there. You’ll meet them eventually. Her weeks are filled with group activities catered to her interests, she’s looked after by some of the best, most qualified doctors and nurses in the country, and she’s… I know how grim it might feel right now, but it isn’t. She has bad days, sure, but so do the rest of us. I promise you that she’s happy, and if you spend some more time with her, you’ll see it for yourself.”
I sniffed, quickly swiping at my cheek.
What about him? Washehappy? I bit my tongue before the question could escape. Now wasn’t the time.
“Okay?” he whispered, brushing the other tears away before I could get to them.
“Okay,” I relented. “What was the other reason, though? For creating a replica of her old garden.” The way he’d said it implied there was more than one.
After a moment, he said, “Selfishly, I wanted to keep a piece of her with me. I miss her. I know she’s still technically here, but it’s different, and I… I miss my mom. She used to love that garden, and I thought I’d feel better if I managed to keep that part of her alive. It’s probably a control thing. Grief affectspeople in weird ways.” He moved his head forward, brushing a sweet kiss over the tip of my nose. “I’ll stay here until you fall asleep. We can talk as much or as little as you want tomorrow.”
“I’m not that tired.”
“You almost dozed off saying that.”
I swallowed, gripping his shirt and pulling myself forward so I could snuggle his chest before I completely lost control and started weeping. “I’m really sorry, Dominic. About everything.”
And the worst part was, I had no idea how to make any of it better.
He scooped me into his arms, hugging me tight as he murmured soothingly into my hair until I finally had no choice but to let go of consciousness and slip into the darkness.
36
The more I think about it, the more I feel like I should do something to thank Loch Ness for standing up for me. She didn’t have to do that.
I know I’ve already tricked her into eating her broccoli so she won’t bleed out from scurvy but Gampy says I should do something for her that I think she will actually enjoy, and she definitely doesn’t enjoy broccoli.
List of things Loch Ness does like:
Violence
Gore
Making fun of me
Video games (that have violence and gore and where she can make fun of me if she wins)
