I don’t know if I believe him though. Because when I tried to make him think that he thought that I shouldn’t help him clean Maxwell’s ginormous cage (so. much. bird poop.) I somehow ended up offering to do it for the rest of the week.
Fun fact: African gray parrots poop twenty times per day on average, which might seem like a lot, and that’s because it is.
“Wait. Wait.Wait…What’shappening?”
I placed my empty shot glass down with measured calm. “I’m going to poison him.”
Rachel pushed a hand through her silky red hair, ignoring my declaration as though she didn’t think I’dreallydo it. Bless her heart.
“I can’t believe he’s back,” she muttered, slumping a little as her eyes zoned out. “Or I guess he’s always beenhere, somewhere, but you know what I mean.”
I bit into another lime and signaled our waiter for two more shots. I didn’t care how much the bill would be. I’d call my accountant tomorrow and withdraw enough cash to carry me through the next few months.
Who the fuck cared anymore.
“Wait.” Her spine snapped straight again. “Just to be extra clear, you’re not seriously considering this, correct?”
“What kind of idiot gives his lifelong nemesis full access to his home?”
My god. What a clown.
I was going to wash his dishes with toilet water.
“You know what, Rach? I don’t think he’s as smart as everyone says he is. He’s good with numbers, but he’s got the social intelligence of a flat tire.”
“So youareconsidering it.”
I patted her cheek and almost lost my balance in the process. The tequila had started sloshing in my brain. It was sloshing so good. “You’re such a sweet, kind best friend, Rachy Rach. I fucking love you so much.”
Her mouth flattened into a stiff smile. “You know what you and I should do?”
“Commit arson?” We could. We just needed to make sure he was inside the property first.
She blinked at me, a little horrified. “It scares me that I can’t tell whether or not you’re joking anymore.”
My eyes rolled. “Please. Like he’d hesitate before settingmyhouse on fire.”
She scootched closer. “Let’s go on a girls’ trip, just you and me.”
“You’re really not thinking this through,” I argued. The possibilities were endless. I could torture him a thousand different ways if I had the keys to his house.
“I’mnot thinking this through?” Her head snapped forward, utterly appalled by my take. “You’re a literal heiress, set to inherit billionsof dollars. Yet you’re somehow sitting here, seriously considering taking a job as a… acostume housemaid—whatever that is—from someone who’s unpredictable, angry, and wants nothing more than to humiliate you, andI’mnot thinking this through?”
“I think the costume housemaid title is pretty self-explanatory.”
“Is it? Because I still don’t know if it means he wants you to dress up as a housemaid and do god-knows-what, or actuallybehis housemaid, dressed up as god-knows-what.”
“The second, based on the job description.”
“This isso fucking weird, Alice. How aren’t you seeing it?”
I saw it.
I did.
I knew how ridiculous and absurd this all seemed. But the thought of letting him get away with everything he’d done made my soul curdle.
Rachel grabbed my face, forcing me to look into her bright brown eyes. “Okay. Listen. Literally just listen to yourself and what you’re saying and try to view it from a rational outsider’s perspective,” she said slowly. “I don’t know what it is about him, but I swear it’s like whenever he gets involved, your ability to see any logic or reason gets shut off. You turn into this… this… whateverthisis.” She gestured vaguely at my face andtorso. “You get trapped in this… blindingvortex of obsessive competition and venom with him, and it’s nothealthy, Alice.”
