I pushed myself up to my knees, but Astraea wouldn’t move from her locked position on all fours, shivering violently, and I could hear her teeth bashing together.
“Here,” I said, pulling her upright.
My instinct was to begin removing her clothing and mine; body heat would help while she came out of her shock and became able to reach her magick to warm herself.
Astraea’s eyes were so distant, staring at nothing at all, and she didn’t respond or react to what I was doing. Her body was shutting down; her mind became unresponsive. It tore me apart.
I spied an old tapestry that was as treasured as a fur blanket in our condition. Ripping it from the wall, I returned, stripping out of my own clothing before kneeling again. Astraea hugged her hands to her naked chest.
“I’ve got you,” I said, panic slithering in my chest.
I sat, pulling her between my legs, where she curled into herself against my chest, and the tapestry was big enough to wrap us both. I hugged her as tightly as I could but it wasn’t enough. I was fucking helpless right now, but I could ease some of her pain at least.
Slipping into her mind, I soothed every sharp and icy edge that was hurting her, and I thought she was starting to calm.
“Talk to me, please,” I whispered, pressing my lips to her head.
Her hand moved, flattening on my side and slipping around to hug me back. It relaxed a fraction of my body.
“That was awful,” she whispered.
“That’s putting it lightly. Drowning is one of the worst ways to die.”
“You’ve d-drowned before?” she chittered.
“Once.”
“When?”
I didn’t know how to respond to that, what she would think if I confessed the truth. It was something I hoped to never have to admit aloud.
“When you were gone,” I said tightly.
“W-what happened?”
At least she was engaging, and I didn’t want her to stop if I refused to answer.
“I told you I’ve died many times. There are very few people who hold an assassination number for me.”
I didn’t know how else to say it when shame started to shrink me. Astraea took a few seconds to contemplate. I could tell she understood my meaning when her fingers added pressure against me.
“You… you tried to…” she couldn’t bring herself to say it.
Neither could I. Not outright.
“I wanted to follow you the moment you left,” I said.
“There’s so much more to living than just me,” she said, her voice croaking now, and that fucking cut me deep.
“Not to me. You know that.”
“You have Drystan. You could have found love again. Oh, Nyte.”
She wept, and it fucking destroyed me.
“I was born to be a weapon, or to be yours. If you’d seen all I became in your absence… there was no living, only pain. To me and to the world I inflicted it upon.”
Astraea lifted her head to look at me. Her lips were still faintly blue and her eyes glistened. Her palm reached to my cheek with such sorrow written on her face.
