We’re marched into a group shower, where we’re told that we have to shower in cold water for ten minutes as punishment for the food fight. I didn’t throw any food, but I don’t argue. The water is so cold it shocks words away anyway. No one says anything for the first five minutes. A few girls are crying.
Finally I glance at the girl beside me, the young blonde girl. “Who owns this place?” I mutter to the wall.
For a second, I’m not sure she heard me over the sound of the water. Then she says, almost as quiet, “I don’t know if he owns it, but Dr. Augustine runs it.”
“Is there a girl here named Eternity?”
She shakes her head but doesn’t answer, so I stop talking, since I don’t know the rules and I don’t want to get her in trouble. I notice a few girls giving me funny looks, but I try to ignore them. I don’t know why until we’re drying off on threadbare towels, teeth chattering, and Emily calls to one of the attendants.
“Miss Sarah,” she says. “Mercy’s not shaved. It’s unsanitary.”
I glance down at my body, surprised. The guys have mentioned it before, but they seemed to get used to it after a while. It’s the last thing that’s been on my mind lately, and I realize that even though she’s obviously attempting to shame me, I feel only pride when I look at myself. I’ve lost weight in the last week, but I was still strong enough to knock out two guys at the dock. I almost got away. Like Father Salvatore always says, there’s nothing shameful about my body. It’s natural, both its desires and its defenses.
More than that, it’s beautiful, hair or no hair. It survived days without food, with barely any water, and carried me here.I’m still fighting, and with a few more meals, I’ll be able to show them exactly what I can do.
I just need to rack up four more infractions before they send me to Dr. Augustine.
seven
The Heathen
“Mom, you gotta convince them to let me out of here,” I beg. “I’m going crazy!”
“It’s just a few more days,” she says. “For observation.”
“For the last time, I didn’t try to kill myself,” I say through a groan. “Though I might if I have to sit here one more day. Think I could throw myself out the window?”
“That’s not something to joke about,” she says, frowning at me. “And don’t even try to have Charlie sneak you in another bottle of alcohol. The last thing you need is something making your blood thinner. That was extremely irresponsible of her.”
“Okay, but she probably saved my life,” I point out. “Since I’d already have jumped if she and Frankie hadn’t brought me something to break up the monotony.”
“What did Frankie bring you?” she demands.
“Boehner’s Burgers,” I admit, then add, “A man cannot live on Jell-O alone.”
“I’m sorry, honey,” Mom says, sinking onto the edge of the bed and smoothing the tangle of hair back from my forehead. “I know this is tough. But it’s not up to me. It’s up to your doctors. I’d rather have you at home, where I can take care of you.”
“On second thought, I’m better off here,” I say, turning my head away. “Enough with the hovering already. I promise, I don’t want to die.”
She nods, her eyes going shiny with tears, magnified and, as Dad always says, bright as the Irish Sea. “I hope not,” she says.“I know this year has been tough. With Mercy coming back, the memories must be a lot.”
“The memories were already a lot,” I point out. “And Mercy’s not a problem. We patched things up. I told you that.”
She draws back. “You didn’t tell me that.”
“Oh,” I say. “Sorry. I thought I did. Maybe it was Frankie or Charlie. I just assume y’all all tell each other everything.”
“I’m going to have to have a word with them,” she says, but she smiles despite trying to maintain a stern expression. “Anyway, I’ve got to get going. I’ll be back on the air tomorrow. Your father’s on his way in, though, so you won’t be alone for long.”
“Trust me, I’m not lonely,” I say. “The nurses are obsessed with me.”
“I’m sure they are,” she says with a little eyeroll. She leans down and plants a kiss on my forehead before I can turn away. “I love you, my sweet boy. I’ll be in tomorrow right after the broadcast.”
“Okay, Mom,” I say. “Love you too. Haven’t been your sweet boy in a while though.”
“To me, you always will be,” she says, picking up her bag. “But don’t feel like you have to get in more trouble to prove me wrong.”
When she’s gone, I pick up my phone, but I’m bored of everything on it. I’m about to drive myself crazy. I pick up my wallet and flip it open, slipping my finger into the compartment behind the cards. I stroke the two coarse hairs inside, feeling the little kinks in them. My cock starts stirring right away. I dump them into my palm, one dark and one coppery. I lift them to my nose, close my eyes and inhale, imagining I can smell them on the hairs, Mercy’s sweet scent and Saint’s earthy, musky one. I hold them between my finger and thumb and push them between my lips, then slide them out, feeling their rough butsilky texture. I do it again, letting my tongue linger on them this time, searching for a trace of their taste on the hairs.
