“No, but I would be a liar if I said I didn’t want to.”
Cole snaked his arms around my waist, pulled me as close to him as possible.
“Can I fall asleep in your arms?” I said with tears in my eyes. “I don’t want to watch you leave.”
Cole planted a kiss on the top of my head. "Will you sing to me first?" he asked, and I knew which song he wanted to hear.
“Will you sing with me?” I asked.
He didn't answer me, but when I started singing, he joined in the chorus of "Tonight You Belong to Me" and pulled me closer when we sang about him being gone with the dawn. Tears streamed down my face I sang the final words, "just to little old me" and burrowed myself into Cole's chest sobbing where I drifted off, listening to his heartbeat.
lisa
thirty-one
I woke up alone.There was no video of CJ on my phone, but there was a note letting me know I could leave whenever I wanted and another gluten-free, dairy-free buffet was delivered to the room.
My hand kept going to my necklace and fingering the scrolling pattern, symbolizing the two most important people in my life that were now hundreds of miles away fighting for their lives together. And, I was here, missing them, missing everything.
I stopped by my room on the way to rehearsal. Michelle was sitting on the floor, leaning forward in a 180-degree split, watching reruns ofPoseand eating a giant salad.
“Hey, how well do you know my part?” I asked her. She sat up and stared at me.
"I know it very well. I'm your understudy. What's going on? Are you leaving?" She seemed a little too excited at this news, and I wondered if I should have waited before telling her.
“I’m not sure. I’m just gathering information.”
"Does this have anything to do with why you're always depressed and mopey before you disappear for the night and come back in the morning looking like a new woman?" She raised an eyebrow at me. "Nice necklace, by the way."
I blushed, and my hand flew to my chest to stroke the pendant again.
"Yes, I know Sonia very well. I was Sonia before they offered the part to you." She said this without a trace of bitterness. "I didn't want it. I think it's cursed. You're the third person to get cast as Sonia for this leg of the tour." She laughed.
"Seriously?" I asked, and she nodded. "Could you do me a favor and not say anything about this conversation? I'm just exploring my options."
“Sure.” She shrugged and went back to eating her salad.
At the end of rehearsal,the director asked to speak to me.
“Hey, Dan. What’s up?”
"I heard you're thinking about leaving us." His face was serious, but he didn't sound upset. I whipped around to search the rehearsal room for Michelle. She was stretching with one leg up on the ballet barre. She caught me glaring at her in the mirror's reflection and shrugged.
“I was thinking about it, yeah.”
"I'm not surprised. You're great, but the tour life isn't for everybody. How much time are we talking here?"
I could feel eyes on me, but when I turned to look at the rest of the cast and crew, everyone was suddenly looking at something else.
“I was thinking that tonight would be my last show,” I said in what I hoped was a confident voice, gripping my pendant for strength.
“Shit. You know you have eight weeks left in your contract?”
“I know, but I have to go.” I didn’t realize that I was going to really leave until I said it. Once the words left my lips, I knew it was the obvious choice. The only choice. I had to get home to my boys. They needed me.
“Well, this is not a good look for you, Lisa. I’ll let legal sort out your contract. I have a show to run.” He wiped a hand over his face and shouted to the rehearsal room. “Michelle! You’re back to Sonia, starting in Rhode Island.”
Michelle's facial expression didn't change, but instead, she looked at me. She removed her leg from the barre, did one deep plié, before jogging over to me.
