“Amy Smith?” I asked.
“Yes, were you aware that your mother changed her name?”
I shook my head again.
“We weren’t able to identify any next of kin until two days later when a woman fitting the deceased’s description—”
“Her name was Crystal,” my mother interjected. “May we address her by her name going forward?”
"Yes, ma'am." Detective Tan cleared his throat and nodded. "My apologies. A woman fitting Crystal's description was reported missing by her landlady, a”—he checked his notes—“Cecilia Buckley. Ms. Buckley was caring for the child and grew concerned when she hadn't heard from…Crystal in a couple days. After interviewing Ms. Buckley, we were able to gain access to the residence and find your contact information. I believe I spoke to you on the phone yesterday?" He made eye contact with Mom.
“Yes,” she confirmed.
“How can you be sure it’s her?” I asked.
"Well, we will need you to identify the body, but based on our interview with Ms. Buckley, the description of Crystal, the vehicle, and the photographs we discovered in her apartment, we're pretty confident that we've got a positive ID."
I deflated and leaned back in the chair. The final shred of hope I had vanished. Crystal was really gone.
“Where is the baby now?” my mother asked. I’d almost forgotten about the baby.
"We notified the Children's Division of Social Services. They opted to let the child stay with Ms. Buckley for the time being. The department is already stretched thin, so it made more sense than putting him in foster care for only a day or two. We're already working on having him brought to the local Children's Division office so you can head on over there when you're all finished up here."
“How did the accident happen?” I asked.
"Well, as far as we can tell, Crystal ended up on the wrong mountain road. Lost control of her car. It happens, unfortunately.
“I’m gonna leave you in the capable hands of Dr. Burrows. Here’s my direct line if you need to reach me.” He slid a business card across the table. “I’m sorry for your loss.” He exited the room.
Dr. Burrows stood. “If you’ll follow me, I’ll take you to view the b— Crystal.” He gave me a tight smile.
We followed him into an elevator that led to the morgue. I felt myself taking slow labored breaths like my chest was in a vise. We were walking, but I wasn't consciously aware of making the necessary movements to propel my body forward. The only thing that felt tangible and real was my mother's hand squeezing mine as we walked down the hall.
We stopped in front of a large windowpane revealing a gurney covered by a sheet.
“You have a couple of options. We can show you the face of the deceased on a monitor. We could have someone pull back the sheet while you stay here, or you can enter the room and identify her.”
I looked at my mom. I knew she wasn't going to tell me what to do, but this time I wished she would. I squeezed her hand.
“Sweetie, are you still planning to have her cremated?”
I swallowed the lump in my throat and whispered, “It’s what she wanted.” Crystal always hated the idea of her body rotting in the ground and getting eaten by bugs and worms.
“Well, this might be the only chance you have to say goodbye. If that’s what you want.”
I nodded. “Will you come in with me?”
"No." She shook her head. "You and Crystal were together for a long time, and she did her best to take care of you. And just like always, I'll be right here if you need me, but you need to do this alone."
I nodded to Dr. Burrows and followed him inside.
It was definitely Crystal under the sheet. She had a large bruise on her forehead, and her skin was paler than I'd ever seen, but I was looking at the face of the woman who gave birth to me.
I couldn't think of anything to say, so I just stared at her. Dr. Burrows’ voice stopped me when I reached out to touch her.
“Just be aware, she’ll be cold to the touch. A lot of folks aren’t prepared for that.”
I withdrew my hand and nodded. The doctor was right. I wasn't prepared for that. I wasn't prepared for any of this.
