"Hi." She got closer, and CJ leaned forward, reaching out for her, wiggling and kicking himself out of my arms. Lisa grabbed him and pressed him to her chest, giggling. "Well, hello to you too, cutie."
"You flat leaver." I chuckled at CJ, and Lisa grinned.
“Flat leaver?” She was wearing a bemused expression, but still smiling.
“Yeah, someone that leaves you flat. You’ve never heard that expression?”
“No, it must be a New York thing.” She laughed, and I was so mesmerized by her smile that I barely noticed CJ grab one of her AirPods, and shove it in his mouth. "Shit! Spit it out, buddy. " I dove forward, and dug the earphone out of his mouth before he had a chance to choke. I clutched the drool-covered piece of plastic and reached for the one still in her ear. I paused. "Do you mind?"
"Oh, no. Go for it," Lisa chuckled and turned her head. I gently pulled the AirPod from her ear, barely grazing the shell of it with my fingertips. My chest constricted, and my brain flashed the memory of my lips caressing that same ear when she was sprawled on my kitchen island.
"Got it. I'm so sorry. This kid puts everything in his mouth." I shook my head. Lisa was still smiling. "The other day, I found a quarter in his diaper, and I don't know if he swallowed it or if he put it in there for me as a tip."
Lisa bit her bottom lip and chuckled. Our gazes met and lingered. She averted her eyes first.
“Hey, if you’re not busy now, why don’t you come over and hang out.”
Her face was impassive as she continued bouncing CJ on her hip.
"You haven't come over in a couple days, and this guy obviously missed you."
No response.
“We could have lunch.”
“You cook?” she finally said.
"No. I mean, I definitely know how to cook, but I'm not the best," I answered. "But, I'm really good at ordering burritos."
She laughed again. Raising my eyebrows, I waited for her response. She looked from me to CJ and back. I could tell she was considering it.
"I really shouldn't. I'm all sweaty, and I have a lot of stuff to get done today. I should go."
I was barely aware that we'd started walking again until we stopped at her gate. She kissed CJ on the forehead and handed him to me. He pouted, and his bottom lip quivered. I knew exactly how he felt.
“Hey,” I called to her as she walked to the door of her apartment. She turned to face me. “Did I do something—something else—to offend you?”
“No,” she answered. “It’s not you. I just need to set some boundaries and respect them. Is that okay?”
“Of course. I just wish I had a better understanding of what was going on here. I mean, I’m not proposing. I like hanging out with you. CJ is crazy about you. You live twenty feet away. I don’t get it.”
"Look, I'm sorry. I think you're great. I mean, there's obviously something…and I adore CJ. How could you not?" She glanced at him, curled up in my arms. "But I don't want this to turn into something I'm not ready for. I don't want to get too attached."
Holy fuck. You would think I’d be used to getting rejected by pint-sized women with long brown hair, but I suddenly felt like I’d been kicked in the chest.
“Okay.” I tried to think of something else to say, but nothing sprang to mind. “Okay.”
She went into her apartment, letting the door close softly behind her as CJ and I stood at the gate.
The following weekat work flew by. I should've felt better, but I didn't. Mom came over every night and helped with CJ. I was getting seven uninterrupted hours of sleep. I even got another shout-out from Smith in Wednesday's meeting. There was no word from Dev about Crystal's case, but I took that as a blessing. Little man was thriving at daycare and had expanded his palate to include ravioli. Lisa made good on her promise to leave the contact information for her co-worker in my mailbox, but I haven't worked up the nerve to call her yet. I was going to have to pull the trigger soon. I only had one more week with Mom.
It was stupid to get so focused on Lisa when I had so much other shit going on. I hadn't talked to her since that Saturday, and there were definitely no more late-night visits. I missed talking to her and watching her dote on CJ. I loved trying to make her smile and those rare small moments when her mask would slip, and she'd reveal something personal about herself.
But she shut me down. She didn't want a relationship, and neither did I, but why did that mean we couldn't be friends? Maybe it was because she knew that we couldn't be friends. There was something electric between us. It was like some invisible tether that drew us together. If we let it go unchecked, it would definitely turn into something neither of us was ready for.
She was right. She was trying to save us from a lot of unnecessary pain. And there was CJ to think about. I couldn’t let him get attached to someone just to lose them again. I thought of how upset he was when Lisa handed him back to me. I had to stop thinking about myself.
I pulled Theresa’s number out of my wallet and dialed.
