“Nope. Or dairy.”
“By choice?”
“Yes and no, but mostly no.”
“Are you diabetic? Shit. I’m sorry. That was rude. It’s none of my business.”
“Cole, it’s fine,” I chuckled. “You remember our deal. I knee you in the face, you get to ask me questions.”
He smiled and absentmindedly stroked the bridge of his nose with his pointer and middle fingers.
"I'm not diabetic, but I have a medical condition that throws my hormones out of whack and affects my insulin levels. It's manageable, but I have to watch what I eat."
“Got it. Can I ask you another question?”
“Sure.”
“What did I say to you the first night we met?”
I felt my face fall, and Cole's expression changed. Over two months had passed since that night, and it felt like Cole and I were completely different people. His words still stung, not because they were his words, but because deep down inside, it was how I felt about myself. For years I'd felt like I was being punished—for what, I didn't know. That maybe the universe was telling me that I didn't deserve to be a mother. Therapy helped me work through those feelings. Those words didn't feel like they belonged to him anymore, and if I told him what he said, then I’d have to explain why they were so hurtful, and I wasn't ready for that conversation.
“I thought we agreed to let it go.”
"What if I accidentally repeated it?"
"You wouldn't," I said in a clipped voice.
“It was that bad, huh?”
I didn't answer him. Instead, I put my hand over his and gave him a small smile.
"Do you remember what happened the last time you did that?" He raised an eyebrow, and one corner of his mouth curled into a mischievous smile. I withdrew my hand.
"So, what are you going to do about a daycare?" I said to break the tension and also to keep myself from crawling across the couch towards him like Freida Pinto in a Bruno Mars video.
“I don’t know.” Cole heaved a deep sigh. “I guess the best thing to do is to check out the list of daycares near my job.”
“Okay.” I clapped my hands. “Let’s do it.”
Cole raised his eyebrows.
“The list, goofball.” I chuckled. “Let’s go through the list of daycares.”
“Are you sure I’m not keeping you from anything more important?”
"I offered, didn't I? I have dinner with friends later, but I'm all yours until then."
He raised his eyebrows again.
“I’m leaving.” I chuckled and pushed myself off of the couch. Cole captured my wrist and tugged me back down. It didn’t take a lot of force because I didn’t really want to leave.
“I’m kidding. Let me grab my computer.”
It tookus two hours to figure out that none of the daycares near Cole's job would be a good fit. They were either way too expensive, the hours didn't fit, or they didn't have any openings.
"What about a full-time nanny?"
"A stranger living in my house? No. And…" He began typing on his laptop before turning it to face me. "I can't afford a full-time nanny." He tilted the screen toward me. Cole had Googled the average salary for a nanny living in Manhattan.
