"The CPAP is not a permanent solution, and you'll find that you need it less and less if you keep progressing the way you have, but you should be using it regularly."
I nodded again. It was clear that Dr. Douglas knew that I wasn’t using the machine every night, but had decided she’d filled her patient lecture quota for one visit.
“With the one exception, have you been sexually active in the past six months?”
"No." I shook my head. I immediately flashed back to Cole's powerful jaw, working between my legs and feeling his tongue caress my most sensitive areas. But that didn't count. Dr. Douglas did a small head tilt and narrowed her eyes slightly.
“Do you plan to become sexually active in the near future?”
My mind flashed to the feel of Cole’s erection cradled between my ass cheeks as we cuddled in his bed with his giant arm wrapped around me, and his warm breath tickling my neck.
“No.”
"You hesitated…" She trailed off with the hint of an unprofessional smile curling the corners of her mouth. I didn't answer her. "I'm asking because you are responding really well to this protocol. Before you started seeing me, you hadn't had a menstrual cycle in two years, now you've had two in the last six months. I know you weren't a fan of the birth control pills you were prescribed by your other physicians. Still, as your cycle regulates, you may want to consider some birth control methods."
I stared at her for a moment before I started laughing. It was a knee-jerk maniacal laughter. "My ex and I spent years and lots of money for smart people to tell us that I would never need to use birth control. Ever."
"I know, but circumstances change. Just because you have a period doesn't necessarily mean you can get pregnant. Still, I want you to consider every possible outcome."
“Thank you.” I nodded. “And, sorry for laughing at you.”
She huffed out a small chuckle and nodded. "It's fine. Lisa, you should be really proud of yourself."
I thanked her again.
“Okay, I’m gonna let you get dressed. Make sure you stop by the front desk to make your next appointment. See you in six months.”
I steppedout of the subway station on 125thStreet wholly absorbed in the cosmic joke that was my life. My therapist's appointment wasn't until next week. I'd have to make a note to schedule future therapy sessions on the same day as my gynecology appointments because I had a lot of shit to unpack.
I'd spent years living in a fairy tale. I'd had a handsome prince, a big castle and all the money I'd ever need. The only thing that was missing was children. My body wouldn't give them to me, and it destroyed my life. Now that I was divorced, single, living alone in a small apartment and in debt, Dr. Douglas said,“Hey! Guess what? You should take birth control because you might get pregnant, you know, by accident.”
What the actual fuck?
I was so distracted that I almost made it all the way to my house before I realized I’d forgotten to go to the grocery store, which was one block away from the train station. I was just about to turn around when I saw Theresa pacing in front of my house with CJ in her arms. I wasn’t aware until I stopped in front of them, panting and out of breath, that I had run to close the distance.
"Theresa?" I put my arms out, and CJ leaned forward, reaching for me. "What happened? What's going on?" I pulled him into my arms and pressed my lips to his forehead.
“Lisa! Thank God! I am so happy to see you.”
“What’s going on?” I repeated. CJ, who was tangling his fingers in my hair, looked fine, but Theresa looked panicked.
“I have to go. I tried calling Cole, but he didn’t answer—”
“Because he works at a busy freaking law firm.”
"Then," she didn't seem to hear me and kept talking, "I tried to give the baby to his mom and dad—they live on the corner—but when I got there, some lady answered the door and said they weren't home. I think she was a housekeeper or something, and she wouldn't take the baby—"
“Because she’s a housekeeper, not CJ’s nanny.” I was getting furious and switched CJ to the hip furthest from Theresa.
"I tried his sister"—she pointed to the main entrance of the house—"but no one answered." I knew Kimberly worked and traveled a lot, but none of that explained why Theresa was trying togiveCJ to someone. “Then I thought I was going to have to take him with me, but then I saw you—”
"Take him where, Theresa?" If this were a slapstick comedy, I would've shaken her by the shoulders and started slapping her.
“I got a callback!” she squealed.
I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. Was this bitch serious? She was going to ditch an eighteen-month-old baby who she was being paid to take care of to go on an audition or, worse, take him with her? Now, I really wanted to slap her.
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
