Fear sizzles through my veins like a potent drug and when Vesper’s hand clamps down around my thigh, I know that Death is coming to claim him. He draws a crude letterSon my thigh, and I nod.
“I’ll tell Sarah you love her,” I promise Vesper. “I’ll tell your girls that you love them, too. They love you. They’re proud of you.”
When his hand falls from my leg, I know he’s gone.
Reaching up, I close his eyelids, fighting the pain gripping my chest, but there’s no time to mourn my friends now. Grief has no place in this desert. We’re exposed and vulnerable as we sit here waiting on the chopper.
Looking through the back window, I watch as Drake raises his rifle just as the window of the backseat rolls down a few inches. I hold my breath, expecting to see a barrel shoved into the gap, but nothing happens.
Slowly, the car rolls away, leaving Drake standing there with his rifle in the air. When the little car passes our Humvee, I commit the faces within to memory, just in case.
When the car disappears from view, Drake jogs back over to the Humvee, and I shake my head when our eyes connect.
“Motherfucker,”he shouts, kicking the dirt the way I want. Of the two of us, he’s the one far more prone to displays of emotion. The longer I’m here, the more I find myself locking things away in tight little boxes in my mind.
This place is changing me. If I’m not careful, I’ll become someone new entirely, someone I no longer recognize.
It’s another week before I’m able to check my messages again. But now that I’m staring at @dc_d0ll’s latest message, I’m filled with regret that I’ve left her hanging. She clearly needed me, and I couldn’t be there for her. I didn’t answer her call for help.
@dc_d0ll: I should’ve listened to you and listened to my gut. I’m developing a nasty habit of trusting the wrong people.
I close my eyes, resting my elbows on the table as my head falls in my hands. I’m a week away from meeting this girl, but what if a broken soldier isn’t the man she envisioned being with?
This place, this war, has fucked me up. I think my grandfather ispicking up on the change in me, too. When I called home this afternoon, he asked me three times if I was alright. Whether or not I’m okay is irrelevant until I get home. It’s kill or be killed here. There’s no place in Hell for my goddamn feelings. My only goal is to survive until I step foot in Logan Circle, and I’ll figure out the rest later.
“You good?” Drake’s voice sweeps through the room, and I lift my head to find him sinking into the chair next to me.
He’s the only other person who knows about the girl who’s stolen my attention and my fucking affection. I shrug, explaining, “I can’t shake the feeling that she’s in trouble, but she won’t tell me what the threat is.”
Both of his eyebrows raise as he settles back in the seat. “Maybe she thinks you’ll be tempted toeliminate the threat.”
I snort, lifting a shoulder. “I could protect her, if she’d let me. It’s like she won’t let me all the way in.”
“Have you ever considered that she’s holding herself at arm’s length until she meets you. It’s hard to go all in with someone you’ve never even met.” I’m surprised he’s not calling her theCatfish Queen, but his next words explain his solemnity. “Fuck, after everything we’ve seen and the guys we’ve lost, you should tell her how you feel. We could die tomorrow. It’s stupid to hide that shit.”
I stare at the screen, the blinking cursor at the bottom taunting me in a cadence that somehow echoes Drake’s statement in my mind.
Eventually, I find my own words and start typing.
@livingh3ll: It’s not a nasty habit since you can trust me. I promise that I’ll protect you.
Genevieve
My cheek stings with the force of the slap, Leo’s signet ring bruising me. His next blow comes in the form of a closed fist, the force of which has my eye socket swelling immediately.
Marcus steps forward out of the corner of the room, but I pin him in place with my gaze. I need him to stay out of this. He doesn’t know what’s coming, but I do. I’ve known for weeks.
Leo grabs me by the hair, yanking me to the floor. Adrenaline buzzes through me, stinging me from the inside out like a hoard of a thousand insects.
“You, bitch,” he spits, the glob of saliva landing on my puffy cheek, and sliding down my skin until it falls onto the collar of my red blouse. “You cost me twenty-five fucking grand for missing those three sessions with Grady Blandon. You owe me interest on that.” He kicks me, his boot landing directly into my ribcage, and I let out a grunt as the breath is knocked from my lungs.
I’ve spent the last week on the run from Leo after refusing to return to Grady’s place. Corinne and I plotted and planned, organizing and deconstructing our lives in preparation of this very moment, staying underground as much as possible. We wanted to include Marcus, but decided it was safer for everyone if only the two of us knew what was to happen, and now that it’s here, I have to fight the urge to smile.
“You’ll have to spend the rest of your pathetic life working for me to make up for the money you’ve stolen from me, too.”
When his hand cracks across my face again, my eyes water and my lip splits, the taste of rusted iron trickling into my mouth. My eyes flick up to Leo’s then, meeting his narrowed gaze. I will not cower in fear. This ismylife, not his. He’ll no longer have dominion over me.
No one will.
