I see Emmeric putting something into my cup of silkmallow as I sit in the Great Hall.
“Never say never,” he sneered.
And I drank the tea.
The tea that he’d filled with poison because he knew what my designation was.
I remember the day when I was fourteen or so, and he tried to kiss me. I said I would never want him. He told me I should be honored than an Alpha wanted me. He had his face right up against my throat and then he must have smelled my scent. My newly emerging Omega scent that must have been so faint.
Emmeric knew that Stesha and I were meant for each other, even before we could discover it for ourselves, and he hated it. He poisoned me that day in the Great Hall, and he has been laughing at us ever since.
There are so many memories of Stesha and me that it’s as though we were all the prince saw. He was obsessed with us. He thought he was owed what we had, but what he wanted was twisted and cruel. A woman who was subservient to all his wants and needs, like poor Queen Magritte was to King Aylard.
As all these memories pour through me in what must be a matter of seconds, I see what I never saw before. I wasn’t the dragonmaster’s pet, as everyone liked to tease me. I wasn’t his ward whom he protected because of an oath he made to my father. I was everything to Stesha, and I always have been. Emmeric ruined my designation emerging, but Stesha was still mine, and he was the only man I cherished in my heart. Emmeric didn’t win. This thing didn’t win.
We won.
“You’ve given me a gift,” I say, laughing through all the pain and the tears in my eyes, though I don’t know if I’m crying and speaking aloud, or if this is all happening in my head. “I had forgotten what we had back then. We were devoted to one another. We never took a breath without thinking of the other. You really thought you could devastate me with this?”
The lich is still furiously searching through my memories, and I hear it shout in triumph. It seizes upon something and gleefully shows it to me.Devoted, were you? What LIES.
It’s one of my memories. The most painful memory of all. I’m sitting atop Minta, desperately trying to draw breath into my ruined lungs. My body, emaciated from lavish sickness is racked with pain, and my heart is hollow as I look down from my dragon, and tell Stesha, “You have a heart of ice. You are frozen from the inside out.”
It was the worst moment of my life. Worse even than the day my parents were killed. The day Minta was killed. It was the day that all hope ended.
I want to turn my face away and hide from all that pain. I fear it. I am terrified that one day Stesha will turn away from me again, and this time, I won’t survive. But the lich wants me to fear this memory, and so, stubbornly, I look.
As I gaze upon the memory, I see something that I didn’t notice at the time. I see how much Stesha is devastated by my words. The sorrow that fills his pale blue eyes. He knew that he’d destroyed everything good between us and nearly killed me, and he wanted to die.
My heart aches for both of us. I wish I could reach through time to hold him, tell him that one day it would be all right, and hear him whisper the same to me. For us to hold each other through the blizzard of pain until we understood that all the hurt and anger wasn’t our fault. My need for him and his duty toward me were being wielded against us, to punish us, because we made a spiteful prince jealous.
Gods, it hurts to learn to trust Stesha again, but I have endured far worse pain, and this shall not kill me.
You are useless, the lich rages.USELESS. You are pathetic and forgiving. You are WEAK and TALENTLESS.I will show you how strong I am and weak you are.
With the lich’s final words ringing in my ears, it vanishes from my head. I’m left gasping and blinking as my head and vision clears. When I look around, I see that we are on the dragongrounds. The air is filled with smoke and shouting. Stesha is gripping my upper arms, and I hear my name echoing in my ears, as though he’s been frantically calling out again and again.
The panic on his face slowly fades into relief. “Your eyes have returned to their usual color. You can hear me, can’t you? Zen—”
But what he was about to say is cut off by a cry of pain. He falls to his knees, clutching his head, and his whole body shakes with tremors that rack him from head to toe. I reach out and take hold of his shoulders, desperately calling his name. He shows no sign that he’s heard me.
Nilak raises her head, and it takes me a moment to realize there’s something wrong with her. Her eyes are flaming green, and I am fixed in her hungry gaze as her tail lashes from side to side.
My mouth goes dry. The lich promised to show me how strong it is, and I am witnessing its demonstration. I turn frantically back to my mate. “Stesha, can you hear me? Stesha, whatever that thing tells you, remember that we’re stronger than it is. Remember how much we’ve endured and still found each other again.”
My mate goes completely still. Then he slowly raises his head and gets to his feet. His face is twisted in fury and pain, and his blue eyes are filled with green flames. Is this what he saw in my eyes just a moment ago? The sight is terrifying.
As he looms over me, he grins and starts to laugh. A maniacal, unhinged laugh, that makes the hair stand up on the nape of my neck. Stesha draws his sword, the blade glinting in the light.
I stumble backward in fear. Stesha can’t possibly allow it to kill me. Stesha would never hurt me.
But it’s not me who’s in danger. Stesha grasps his sword in both hands and holds the point against his stomach, ready to thrust it through his midsection.
32
Stesha
The lich inside my head is pain like I’ve never known. The thing’s fury is agony, as though it’s punching, stabbing, and ripping at everything in my skull. Memories from long ago bubble up. The sad, gray memories of an orphan, cold and hungry and forgotten. Memories thick with loneliness and despair. Loneliness that I’ve always feared will overtake me again. No family. No one to cherish. No one to protect.
