35
The following dayI kept busy cleaning, my eyes constantly drifting to the clock in whatever room I was in, the minutes ticking by at a snail’s pace.
My mother woke around noon and I waited to be summoned, discriminated against, and verbally abused. But mercifully, she seemed too tired today to bother with me. I watched as Paulina readied her tray and then cleaned up after she went to serve the lady of the house.
At one forty on the dot I gave Paulina a tentative smile and a brief hug, and then grabbed my bag and hurried to meet Max.
I was early, but so was he. I slid into the passenger seat and his eyes did a quick assessment of me as he spoke.
“I’m sorry about the safe house,” he said.
“It’s not your fault.”
“Still, that must’ve been terrifying. And not knowing how to get in touch with me...”
“I knew you’d get a message to me.”
He nodded and then asked. “Your sister?”
“Berlin.”
He nodded again and we sat quietly for a moment before the words burst out of me.
“I want to go there.”
“No.”
There was no hesitation.
“Why not?”
“It is unsafe for you here,” he said. “But Berlin is downright dangerous. Do you know what she’s doing there?”
“She works at an office. She’s a secretary.” My voice was low. Sad. Max peered at me.
“For them?” he asked and I nodded.
“Right. Well then, what you’re thinking is basically akin to suicide and I cannot, in good conscience, take you there. I would advise you not to try to go on your own either.”
“I thought you might say that. The only other option I can see then is... I stay.”
“What? No. I cannot allow—”
“It’s not up to you, Max.”
“It’s too dangerous. The Allies are getting closer. They could bomb the area, take you prisoner...”
He was right, of course. And now I knew I was risking so much more than just myself. There was the life growing inside me. And there was the life I wanted to build with William to take into account. By choosing Catrin, I would be putting it all in jeopardy. But how did one choose one life over another? And would I be able to live with myself if I abandoned her again? True, she was an adult making her own decisions. But only because I’d left her behind when she was too young to fend off our parents’ and the government’s teachings. I should’ve fought harder for her to leave when I did. I should’ve refused to go without her. And now that I was back here, I couldn’t just go. I had to at least try to help her see the error of her ways and get her far, far away from here.
“She’s worth the risk,” I whispered.
“Kate. Lena.” He frowned as he uncharacteristically stumbled over the names. Names that weren’t really mine.
“My name is Gisela,” I said, my eyes filling with tears. “And I can’t go. Not until I’ve seen Catrin. Not until I’ve talked to her. I know she is not the same girl I left, but we are sisters and I have loved her since the day she was born. I will not leave her again.”
He stared at me and I stared back, resolute in my decision.
“Your aunt and uncle will never forgive me,” he said.
