I wiped my hands on my skirt and hurried to the pantry for my bag where I pulled my German identification from the small purse inside.
Silently, I handed it over and watched as he opened it, took a long look, stared up at me, and then snapped it closed.
“Lena Klein,” he said and I nodded. He gazed at me a moment more and then handed the ID back. “Your assessment of Mrs. Holländer?”
I glanced at Paulina, who had busied herself at the stove as if unworried about my interaction with the young solider. Remembering what she’d said about his visits, his obvious interest in the estate’s many expensive items, I gave him an answer I knew he would like.
“She is gravely ill,” I said. “I don’t expect her to last more than a month.”
I commended him for trying to keep the smile off his face. It was a valiant effort.
“Well,” he said, clearing his throat as he strode to the other side of the room. “I am sorry to hear that. It is good of you both to take such care in her comfort these last days of her life.”
“It is our honor,” Paulina said.
“I shall return in a couple of days,” he said and then gave us a curt nod and disappeared out the kitchen door. A moment later, the front door shut.
“Is he gone?” I mouthed.
Paulina held up a finger and hurried from the room. When she returned, her face was filled with relief. I picked up the knife and resumed chopping while she set a pot of stock on to boil.
36
By December,Paulina and I had fallen into an easy routine. We met in the mornings, bundled against the cold, in the kitchen. She’d put the kettle on while I lit fires in the two downstairs fireplaces to begin warming the house. After that, the two of us would begin preparations for breakfast.
We ate together at the kitchen table, sometimes talking, sometimes saying nothing at all, the long day ahead stretching before us and our minds preparing to find ways to pass the time until we could sleep again.
My mother was barely conscious most of the day, making my interactions with her few and far between, though that didn’t lessen the ferocity of her words to me when she was awake. If anything, it made them worse.
Clothing began to be an issue for me, my own meager belongings, as well as what Paulina had pulled from my mother’s extensive closet becoming too tight around my chest and waist. The only things I could fit in well were nightgowns, dressing gowns, and a few billowy dresses my mother used to wear in warmer weather, which meant the fabric was thin and did nothing to fight against the cold of winter.
The time had come to tell Paulina.
“You’re sure?” she asked, her eyes worriedly sweeping over me.
“I’m sick nearly every morning now,” I said, and then pressed a hand to my breasts. “They hurt and feel heavy. Swollen. And the waistbands of my pants and skirts are tight. I’m sure.”
“Well,” she said, clasping her hands in front of her. “Okay. We will just...figure it out, yes? You are a nurse. You are trained for such things?”
“Not babies. Gunshots and severed limbs. But...yes. We’ll figure it out.”
I smiled gratefully and she pulled me to her and kissed my forehead.
“Do not fret, fräulein.”
The next morning before I came down for breakfast, she knocked on my bedroom door.
“Here,” she said, a pile of clothes in her arms. “These were your father’s. You can belt the pants and I can hem them so they are not too long. Everything else will be big, but you will grow into them.”
I nodded, trying not to balk at the familiar smell of his cologne still clinging to the fabrics.
“If you want something a bit more feminine to wear,” Paulina said. “I can alter some of it.”
“I’m not particularly worried about looking feminine,” I said, running my hand over a gray wool sweater. “But thank you. I’m sure these will be just fine as they are.”
“Should you see a doctor?” she asked. “There’s one I can call to the house. He used to treat your mother, but when it became clear there was nothing to be done, we agreed there was no point in him coming anymore and he armed me with pain medication to keep her comfortable.”
“I don’t think so,” I said. “After I see Catrin, I will try to get us out of here as quickly as possible. It’s been three weeks now. She should come again soon, right?”
