I hadn’t noticed the tone in Paulina’s voice when she spoke to my sister. But I did now. It was formal. Tense. And wary.
“It has been good, thank you, Paulina,” Catrin said. “How is my mother?”
“She is the same.”
“I should go see her. Does she need fresh water?”
“Gisela just brought her some.”
There was silence in the room and I could feel my sister’s gaze on me. I set down the knife I was using and turned, meeting her gaze across the room, taking in the small smile on her face that didn’t quite reach her eyes.
“And how was your day, sister?” Catrin asked, the words friendly, the undertone laced with something that made me feel ill at ease.
“Busy,” I said. “Dinner should be done soon. Shall we eat in the kitchen again?”
“The dining room,” she said, and then left to see our mother.
I didn’t bother to look at Paulina. I could feel her fear from across the room.
Paulina set the table for two while I washed up and changed into a fresh sweater. Another of my father’s, its bulk easily hiding my growing belly. When I returned downstairs, water had been poured in the crystal glasses, a bottle of wine opened, and my sister sat in the seat she’d occupied as a girl.
“This looks lovely, Paulina,” I said as I took my seat. “Thank you.”
“Of course,” she said. “If you two need anything, I’ll be in the kitchen.”
We were quiet as we dug into our meal, and while I marveled at the succulent chicken and roasted potatoes Paulina had made for the occasion, our usual meals much sparer, Catrin seemed unimpressed by it all. She was clearly used to such luxuries still, the war seemingly having no impact on her life whatsoever.
“Why have you come really?” Catrin said finally, her voice curious. Measured.
“I told you,” I said, frowning across the table at her. “For you.”
“To see me? To...what? Pick up where we left off? Me at the front door, crying as you promised to return?”
I could hear the bitterness creep in, but I was prepared for that. I knew she would need more from me to truly believe that what had happened could not be controlled. But as I opened my mouth to explain further, she began to talk again.
“Have you come for their fortune? Because it’s mine. They’ve left it all to me. And I cannot wait to see that smug lieutenant’s face when he realizes it’s not up for grabs.”
I caught myself as my mouth dropped open, closing it quick and shaking my head.
“Of course not,” I said. “I’ve never cared about any of that. I came to make things right and bring you back with me.”
“Back? Back where?”
“To New York. To the life you should’ve been living with me. Your sister.”
I watched Catrin sit back in her chair and delicately set down her fork. She lifted her chin, and when her gaze met mine again, it wasn’t my sister’s eyes I was looking into, but our father’s.
“I have no sister,” she said, her voice flat. “She died ten years ago. A car accident, I was told.”
“Cat—” I shook my head and reached across the table for her hand, but she drew it back, her eyes still glued to mine.
“You didn’t have to go, Gisela. That was a choiceyoumade. Foryou. Those wereyourbeliefs. I have my own.” Her voice was hard now. “This world needs to be cleansed. The weak and undesirables must go. On top of their bones we will build a stronger world. A better world. And you would do well to forget the lies our aunt and uncle brainwashed you with as a child. You are too old to believe those stories now. If you want to be my sister again, then you will forsake those ideologies and remember who you are. A Holländer. A German. You will be a soldier for the Third Reich and do your duty. Or I will have no choice but to reveal you for what you are. A traitor.”
Ice filled my veins as I stared into Catrin’s eyes, searching desperately for some clue that the girl I once knew was somewhere inside. That what she said was merely the bluster of a young woman carrying years of pain and needed to let it out in the vilest way she could before we turned the page and began to heal together.
But there was no such girl. If she had ever existed, she was long gone now, buried deep beneath years of her indoctrination into Nazism.
A tear slid down my cheek. Then another, my hand drifting down protectively to my belly. At the last moment I caught myself, remembering Paulina’s words.Don’t let Catrin know about the baby.I understood now.
