I shook my head as I reached into my pocket for the piece of paper. For a moment I just held it, but then, as Paulina watched, I unfolded it and stared down at the hastily written address.
“Berlin,” I whispered.
“She is one of them,” she said. “Indoctrinated with their ideologies. A child of the Hitler Youth.”
My stomach turned over as the shock washed over me.
“No,” I whispered, tears welling in my eyes. “No no no...”
I covered my face with my hands, images of Catrin as a little girl filling my mind. Sweet, sunny Catrin, her rosebud lips burbling with laughter, big blue eyes filled with mirth, tiny fingers intertwined with mine.
“I’m sorry,” Paulina said, rubbing my back softly. “I failed you. I failed both of you.”
I shook my head.
It wasn’t her fault. It was my parents’.
“That’s why she was smirking at me,” I said.
“Who?”
“My mother. She is giddy at the thought of me finding out Catrin is no longer mine, but hers.”
Paulina nodded.
“She has always been cruel, your mother. And the only person she has ever served was herself. The onlythingshe served was a lifestyle. When your father died she insisted on a funeral, no expense spared. It was winter. The ground was frozen. But she made them dig. Requested flowers. Had me hire whoever I could find to help clean the house for guests to come and mourn. Some stayed for weeks. I was expected to cook grand meals for them all. We had more than most, of course. The Holländers were above the rest. And I’ll admit, I welcomed the food, knowing how so many others were suffering. But the way they wasted... The way they mocked those with less than them... Of course she is finding joy in your pain. In your ignorance. If you allow her, she’ll rub your nose in it. Don’t let her. Now that you know about Catrin, ignore her barbs.”
There was a warning in her voice.
“Why?”
“Because I fear if you rile her, she won’t be able to help herself. She’ll tell that nosy little soldier that comes by exactly who you are.”
A shiver ran down my spine.
“Keep your distance while you’re here. I’ll lie as much as I can if she asks for you, but if you are in this house, she will want to see you. She will expect it if you are under her roof and the protection of her name.”
“I don’t want you to lie,” I said. “Not for me. Not anymore. If she wants to see me...if she wants to torture me...I will let her. I will do whatever it takes to see Catrin again. And that means not getting sent to jail or killed.”
I stood then and wandered the room, touching my old things. A dollhouse, complete with a family of four, a lamp, a jewelry box, a silver-handled mirror.
“Your bureau is still filled with clothes,” Paulina said. “But I doubt any of them fit you anymore. I’ll bring you one of your mother’s nightgowns.”
“Thank you.”
“Is there anything else you need?”
I stared at her and she gave me a sad smile, understanding that there was only one thing I needed.
Catrin.
“I know,kleiner Hase,” she said, reaching out and pressing her palm to my cheek.
As she turned toward the door, I reached for her hand.
“Thank you, Paulina.”
“For what, Gisela?”
