The shower curtain rustles, and a rush of cold air hits my ass as Luca steps in behind me. I don’t turn around, letting the water do its work and relax my tight muscles. With my eyes squeezed shut, I hear Luca lathering his hands before placing them on my shoulders.
He massages them, slowly increasing the pressure until I want to cry and scream with agony and relief. By the time Luca turns me to face him, I’m more string-limbed marionette than ferocious fighting angel. He kisses my forehead, my cheeks, the left cornerof my mouth, and the swell of my right breast where the worst of the bruising is.
Tears burn behind my eyes. I refuse to let them fall.
“Would it be so bad to let yourself hurt, baby?” Luca asks. His lips move against my skin, softer than butterfly wings. “You’re the toughest person I know; you don’t have to prove anything to me.”
I open my mouth to respond, to tell him why that’s dangerous, but a hiccup comes out instead of my carefully workshopped argument.
Oh gods, I think I’m going to cry.
I cover my mouth and stare into Luca’s warm hazel eyes in horror.
His expression doesn’t change: compassion—without a whisper of judgment—and a sturdy support that makes me feel as if he would take care of me for as long as I need him to and never complain.
It’s terrible.
“Some things are too heavy to carry alone,” Luca whispers.
He kisses my forehead and leaves his mouth there. Tiny rivulets of water divert at every point where our bodies touch, their downward progress distorted by our connection.
Will my fate be like this water—changed because of Luca’s support—or will his future be wrecked because of my love? It’s the truth that plagues me most; one my magic is useless in uncovering.
A sob rips free from somewhere deep inside me, careening up my throat, then ricocheting out of my mouth violently.
It’s guttural.
My shoulders shake.
This pain doesn’t have a godsdamned thing to do with my bruised lung.
My wings shoot from my back. They wrap around me and Luca, creating their own tears. Chilly drips run along the edges of the feathers and drop to the shower floor to mix with the hot water. The drain can’t keep up with the influx of liquid, and tepid water swirls around our toes before it’s sucked through the grate and carried away.
Gods, I’m crying hard enough to give Imani a submersion panic attack. Where did all these tears even come from?
“It hurts,” I admit, the sound of my voice thick and unfamiliar to me.
“I know, baby,” Luca says. “Let it out. Tell me what hurts.”
Can I? This burden is mine to carry. I’ve held it alone for as long as I can remember. Even when Mom was alive, I couldn’t unload on her. She couldn’t, or wouldn’t, leave him, and there was no point begging for something I couldn’t have.
“The fights hurt,” I say, starting in the shallow end to test things out.
“Of course they do. Your opponents are brutal.”
“And Alistair.” I hiccup. “He thinks I’m a slut.”And I miss him.I’m not brave enough to say that part out loud, but Luca isn’t dumb. He knew about my feelings for Alistair before I did.
I can still picture the feral expression on Alistair’s face as he tore into me for stripping. I’ve been on guard against guys like him for years, but he acted different. I’m still having a hard time believing the things he said.
“You have to take your power back,” Luca says. “Later, though. Keep venting, Celine. I’m here.” His words trigger a flashback to Ciprian’s rampage ramble, and the next sob out of my mouth is so ragged it hurts my bruised chest.
“C-Ciprian,” I sputter, lifting my head to meet Luca’s eyes through my blurry vision. “He was a liar. I gave him my trust and my fear, but he was part of the enclave all along.”
Luca holds me tighter. “You feel betrayed.”
I pause. Do I feel betrayed? I’m mad. Ciprian stomped all over my sense of justice, but for someone to betray you, they must firstbe a part of you—someone you’ve allowed to weave themselves into the fabric of who you are. If I allowed Ciprian that far beneath my skin... I’ll have no choice but to cut him out and make myself bleed in the process.
Which is exactly what this feels like.
