Tonight, I’ll meet his darkness. And tonight, I’ll be his light.
Remedy
For the first time in my entire life, I expose my cruel past to the only person that ever mattered. I’m convinced she’ll leave me and will confirm my rules as I hit her with the somber truth. My father forcing me to watch while he fucked my mother, punishing her for cheating. My mother, who couldn’t love me more than she loved money. The years that came after that. My father beat me to lower myself under his ruling. Owning me by my love for him. Forcing me to watch when he handled women like objects.
I tell her what happened on the day of my brother’s death. André came back into my life that same day, and had threatened to destroy my career, shaming me publicly on the track. I was weak and angry, and those fuckers heard us. I fought them. Six against one. I kicked the shit out of them. But that wasn’t enough. I needed revenge. I was consumed by my anger. Ashamed of what they witnessed. That led me to speed racing and killing my brother in the car crash. Elle keeps listening to the darkness of my past, without blinking, without reaching for me, without any emotions.
So, I continue. My nightmares. I didn’t do anything to help my mother. A coward. I fear that he has twisted my mind and I’m afraid to hurt Elle. Bruise her. To treat her the same way my father treated women. It was worse than hard sex, it was ownership. I’m afraid to lose control. To be like him. To have the impulses André created in me. With the other women I never lost control—it was fucking, and I was emotionless. But her, she awakens my heart and also my demons. I can’t hide anything about me. If I’m meant to lose her, she’ll destroy me and I’ll probably transform myself into a soulless monster.
When I finish telling her about my gloomy past, my voice is trembling and I’ve never felt so weak and vulnerable. I’m fucking ashamed. How could she love me? Love someone like me? A coward. A villain. A heartless man. I stare at her as she shakes her head no, her pure eyes aghast and appalled. I was right. I scared her away. I need to leave. I can’t bear the look on her face. I’m disgusting her. She proved that she couldn’t love me fully, just the lighter part. With her gaze switching between me and the floor, I rise up from the bed and head toward the door.
“I’m sorry, you deserve better.”
But then out of surprise, she explodes in tears and rushes toward me, capturing me into a hug. “I’m the one who is sorry.”Sorry?She shouldn’t be sorry for not being able to love me. I want the best for her, and if I’m not it, so be it.
She erases her tears with her long feminine fingers, opening her sultry mouth as if she’s about to say something. But instead, she exits her bedroom, leaving me alone. I’m terrorizing her. She can’t stand the sight of me. I ignore my ripping bloody heart, the fact I’ve lost the most precious—
“I’ve made this weeks ago.” She came back. She’s here. With a one by one meter canvas.
My eyebrows knit together, not understanding where she’s going with this. She holds the painting close to her chest, her hands trembling as if she’s hesitant to reveal it to me. Her eyes are begging, tarnished by the darkness I shared with her. She finally uncovers the strength to show the art she’s holding and…
Shit. She painted me. Fucking me.
She painted me as if she knew me all along.
The real me. No mask. No game. Just me.
My eyes, between conflict, pain, and determination. Birds, her trademark. I look haunted and yet there is light. A promise of the possibility of happiness. Her. She’s my light. Everything she touches, she’s healing it, illuminated it. I have no words. Where was she all this time? I can’t let her go. I need her. I can’t give up on the best part of me.
She poses the painting on the ground, positioning her hands on my chest, my jaw still open. “That’s the man I—”
Her eyes rise to mine, full of tenderness, before she caresses my face. “I love you.”
I stare at her in shock as a wave of emotions reaches me. I feel a pain in my chest, my heart waking up after all this time. She loves me. She said it. The word that means everything to her, the word she couldn’t say. The word meaning her soul belongs to me. The word allowing her to be mine. And tonight, she said it twice. With her painting, and with her words. Two declarations. She’s the best thing that has ever happened to me, and…
She loves me.
She loves me, knowing the darkest part of my soul.
And I love her, too. But I can’t tell her yet.
“I love you.”
I admitted it to him. There is no return. Aaron needs me, and I can’t live without him. His father broke him, he witnessed so much darkness, more than a human being could handle, and yet he turned out to be a sweet and caring man with me. I know what this word means to us. That I give him my soul, that he could rip me apart, that I’m his. But I trust him. Not all men are the same. I’ve given him the key to my heart, and the secret of my inspiration. Him. It’s always been him. The one I was waiting for during all those years. He’s damaged but beautiful. Painful but healing. Together, we’re Yin and Yang, opposite but whole.
He stares at me in shock, and Aaron—who’s known to hide his emotions—pains to do so. His face softens, his eyes wild and filled with tenderness.
“How could you love me?” He shakes his head, his tongue wetting his mouth, scanning me.
“For everything that you are. I love you, Aaron.” I pull him closer, my hands cupping his cheeks, while I’m standing on my tiptoes to reach his face. “I love you for your darkness and your light. For everything, Aaron. I’m yours.” He clutches my hips, separating the remaining space between our bodies, before pulling me in for a heated kiss. “And you’re not your father, Aaron. You’re everything he isn’t.”
“You’re the only one seeing the best in me.” I know this isn’t true. Thomas seems to care for Aaron like his son. Monica loves him like a brother. But I’m the only person he opened entirely to. The one person he gave his soul almost fully.
The look in his eyes betrays the fact he wants to say something but can’t. Instead, he pulls me back for an intoxicating kiss, my heart hammering in my chest. “I need you,” he drops, hot and desperate.
“My heart is yours, but don’t break it please.” I manage a simper, trying to joke while I’m scared to death. I love him, and yet now I’m fearing to lose him. My insecurities are still crushing me. “I can’t bear to see you getting bored with me. You know my body by heart, maybe you’ll need another woman,” I add.
“There is only you, Elle.” His thumb pulls up my face for my gaze to meet his. “Only you.” His lips seal mine, silencing my insecurities, promising there is only us. “You’re the most gorgeous woman I know. You’re driving me crazy like no one else has.” I make a small laugh when I notice his hardness pressing on my stomach. “I adore your laugh. Everything about you is perfection to me. And that painting you did, you have so much talent.”
