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‘I was such a fool to let you go…’ He dragged the pad of his thumb over her plump lower lip, sensing heat inflame him as he saw it quiver. ‘I had my reasons…but in the cold light of day they seemed preposterous when I started to examine them. But before I tell you about that, I need to ask you something.’
‘What is it?’
‘Will you marry me?’
Her expression was genuinely shocked, as if that was the very last thing she’d expected Blaise to ask her. He could only blame himself for that, he mused bitterly.
‘But you’re not a man who wants commitment.’ She was looking distinctly puzzled. ‘You adore women but haven’t found one yet that you want to spend the rest of your life with. You made it clear that the possibility of us staying together long-term wasn’t even on the cards…that we could enjoy a brief affair but nothing more—least of all marriage.’
‘I was wrong. I was wrong because I did meet someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with…you, Maya. I used to trot out that rubbish because I couldn’t get past the fear that if I committed to a woman I would turn out like my father…become bitter and resentful and harm her in some way.’
‘Harm her? Why would you believe that?’
‘Because that’s what my father did to my mother, and I seem to have inherited his propensity to lose my temper.’ He dropped his head for a moment, acutely uncomfortable at finally admitting what he’d been most afraid of.
‘Everyone has a temper, Blaise. Even the most seemingly docile people…It’s normal…human.’ Gently, Maya touched her hand to his cheek and made him look at her. ‘It doesn’t mean that they’re going to be violent.’
‘My mother said to me once that she prayed I wouldn’t turn out like my father. She loved him passionately, but she was afraid of him too. He’d always been hell to live with. Growing up with such a volatile man was a nightmare sometimes. I never forgot what she said to me. Every time I sensed rage in me I’d wonder—was that a sign? Was I going the same way as him? I even started to jeopardise the new play I’ve been writing because I wasn’t fully exploring the lead character’s motivation for leaving home. It wasn’t just about him trying to make a dream of happiness come true—his father was violent too. That’s what ultimately drove him away.’
‘It must have been very painful for you all these years—not being able to tell anyone how you felt. I’ve learned that keeping our fears to ourselves is never the answer, Blaise. They just get bigger and bigger if we don’t bring them out into the open and see them for what they really are. They’re just ideas we get about ourselves because of something that happens. They’re not the truth. I thought similarly to you. I thought because my father behaved like he did, and put all his friends before me, that must mean I was unlovable. When Sean deceived me with another woman it confirmed that view. I felt totally rejected and worthless. I thought our whole relationship had been a lie, based on my fantasies about a happy future together. But then I met you, Blaise, and for the first time I really and truly fell for someone.’
‘Well, let me tell you now, the notion that you must be unlovable is totally ludicrous!’
Fastening his hands either side of her curvaceous hips, Blaise gave her a brief, hungry, hard kiss on the mouth. When he lifted his head again he was beaming.
‘You are the most lovable woman I’ve ever known…that’s ultimately why I couldn’t resist you. And I’m going to spend the rest of my life showing you that it’s true…It was my own stupid fault, but you broke my heart when you left, Maya.’ Lightly he swept back a stray ebony strand of hair where it glanced against her cheek. ‘I haven’t been able to work, eat or sleep since you went. I’m sure everyone in New York thought I was a miserable git!’
‘No…’ Softly but emphatically the word left Maya’s lips. Incredibly, she was regarding him just as Jane had described the way her husband looked at her—as if he’d hung the moon.
‘You’re not morose or violent or any of those dark things, Blaise…You’re just a man who’s been hurt. That’s hardly a crime.’
‘Well, I’m certainly no hero—not the one you deserve. But I am a man who loves you very much and can’t live without you.’
‘I didn’t mean to break your heart.’ Maya sighed. ‘I only wanted to try and help mend it.’
‘Marry me,’ he said again, dropping a tender kiss at the side of her mouth. ‘Marry me and put me out of my misery once and for all.’
