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“Call Ezo.”
I wait while the inter-planetary connection is made.
Ezo’s voice comes through after several long moments. “Shak? Is something wrong?”
“It is an emergency. I have need of your knowledge.”
“Okay but make it quick. I have another treatment session soon. The webbing is gone from my hands and my human skin covers most of my scales now!”
I smile at the enthusiasm in my friend’s voice. “Soon you will join me then. In the meantime, I need to know how humans quit a relationship.”
“Quit? But I thought you were—”
“Not me. It is my female. I have rid myself of a male competitor but she does not know he is gone from the board. I cannot pursue her while she still believes him to be a player.”
Ezo makes a thoughtful noise. “According to human customs, he must break up with her.”
“Break up?” What does he mean? “I do not understand.”
“That is the terminology they use. A male asks a female to go out with him. If she says yes, then he is her boy friend. To no longer be her boy friend, he must break up with her.”
“Go out and break up?” I furrow my brow. “That is it? Mere words are exchanged? No battle? No blood oaths?”
“No. If you wish to be truly rid of this male competitor, he must break up with her.”
I growl. “That might be difficult considering he is dead.”
“Perhaps you could send a communication and pretend it is from him.”
I pause, then my head snaps up. “By the ancients, Ezo, you are a genius! Before I burned his body, I confiscated his communication device.”
“You have his cell phone? What does it look like?” Ezo sounds all but giddy. “Is it true they use tiny parts of metal instead of plasma to power their technology?”
I spin the pilot’s chair around and then rustle through some junk I have gathered since I’ve come to this planet. And there it is. The male’s phone.
I pushed the buttons on the side but nothing happens. It does not light up like I have seen when other humans use their phones.
“It is broken,” I growl in frustration.
“Human technology is weak,” Ezo reminds me. “It may have no charge. Hook it up to the plasma.”
Again my friend is thinking more clearly than I.
I hurry back to the plasma console and hold the phone over the glowing interface rectangle. “Interface with human technology,” I tell the computer.
A small spindle of plasma rises and covers the phone. Within moments, the phone’s screen is glowing with life.
“Yes! It is working. Computer, message Juliet via human technology.”
On the small phone screen, Juliet’s name pops up along with a string of messages back and forth between her and Robbie. I do not read them, suspecting they will likely only infuriate me.
“Computer, start message: Juliet, I am breaking up with you. I am no longer your boyfriend.”
Ezo’s voice comes over the com link. “No, man, you’ve got to make it sound more human than that.”
“What do you mean?”
“You never got the hang of contractions, did you?”
“I find them unnecessary for communication.”
Ezo sighs. “Well, to humans you sound like a computer.”
“I do not,” I object. “Juliet has never indicated there is a problem with my speech patterns.”
“Computer,” Ezo says, “delete message to Juliet. New message: Juliet, babe, this isn’t working for me anymore. I wanna see other people. So I’m breaking up with you.”
I frown, not sure the message needs all those extra words. “Computer, add the following words: You will never see me again.”
I look at the final message on the screen of the phone. Juliet, babe, this isn’t working for me anymore. I wanna see other people. So I’m breaking up with you. You will never see me again.
I nod. It is acceptable. “Computer, send message.”
A little noise comes from the phone and then the message appears in a bubble and ‘sent’ shows up underneath it. Moments later it changes to ‘read.’
“Ezo, I believe she has read the message.” I cannot keep the excitement out of my voice.
“Has she sent anything back?”
“Not yet. But now there are three dots blinking on the screen.”
“That means she’s typing.”
“Now the three dots have disappeared. What does that mean?”
“She has stopped typing.”
I watch the little screen anxiously. “The three dots are back!”
A noise pings from the phone and then Juliet’s message appears: Okay.
I read it to Ezo. “What does that mean?”
“I think it means that she did not really like this boy friend very much. Either that, or she is extremely hurt and does not want to show it.”
“Well which is it? This is important!”
“We cannot know from a message. You will have to find out by talking to her.”
“I cannot ask her about a boy friend I am not supposed to know about.”
“Hmm. This is all so much more complicated than I imagined. I can’t wait to get to earth and experience it for myself.” Ezo can obviously barely contain his excitement.
