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Her pregnancy test had been confirmed as positive and it was Joel who insisted on driving her to the surgery and waiting with her until Dr Soames had seen her.
The doctor was reassuringly matter of fact. ‘I don’t envisage that you’ll have any problems. The sickness should start to wear off after the third month.’ She went on to discuss various aspects of pregnancy inviting Lissa to ask her as many questions as she cared to. The birth would take place in the small local hospital which had its own maternity wing. ‘You’ll see round that later,’ Dr Soames told Lissa as she ushered her towards the door. ‘D
on’t forget, any problems … give me a ring.’
‘I’d thought about taking you out to lunch—by way of a small celebration,’ Joel commented when Lissa gave him the news, ‘but somehow I didn’t think it would be what you wanted.’
Remembering how acutely nauseous she seemed to be almost every time she ate, Lissa agreed, surprised by the sudden withdrawal of his hand from her arm, and the shuttered withdrawn expression on his face throughout the drive back to Winterly.
It had been decided that the girls were too young as yet to be told of her pregnancy at this early stage—plenty of time for that later, Lissa suggested, wondering if now was a good opportunity to ask Joel about redecorating the nursery, but he forestalled her by saying as he parked the car, ‘I’ve been thinking that now you might want your own bedroom.’
He said it abruptly, and Lissa was conscious of a fierce stab of pain. No one knew better than she the loneliness of a double bed when both parties kept strictly to their own side, but to be banished to another room. She felt helplessly bereft, and said unsteadily, ‘Don’t you think it might seem rather odd …? Mrs Fuller …’
Joel shrugged. ‘It’s your decision Lissa, I was only thinking of you.’
She took a deep breath and without looking at him said quietly, ‘Then I would prefer to continue as we are,’ and before he could say anything she hurried past him and into the house, glad of the noisy attentions of the girls which put a stop to any further intimate conversation.
March died into April and April into May. Louisa had started playschool two mornings a week and Lissa drove her there. She had got to know a couple of the other mothers by sight and life seemed to have settled down into an uneventful routine. Joel was punctilious about returning home for dinner, and about spending most of the evening with her, but Lissa was finding herself increasingly tired at night, only too happy to go to bed early. What Joel did once she had, she daredn’t even think about. If he went to Marisa, then she didn’t want to know. She knew she was behaving like a coward, but she couldn’t help it. To live with Joel as his wife knowing he didn’t really love her was agony it was true, but to live without him … that would be sheer hell.
On the mornings she took Louise to playschool, Lissa normally also did whatever shopping was needed and then picked up the little girl in time to take her home for lunch. This particular Tuesday they were running a little late, as she had got involved in conversation with another mother.
As she walked into the house Lissa heard the telephone ringing, its sharp sound cut off as Mrs Fuller obviously answered it. As Lissa opened the kitchen door she heard Mrs Fuller saying, ‘Mrs … Oh I’m afraid she’s out at the moment.’ She caught sight of Lissa and then corrected herself, ‘No … she’s just walked in.’
‘Who is it?’ Lissa mouthed as she took the receiver.
‘A Mrs Andrews.’
The shock was so great that Lissa almost dropped the receiver. Since the night of the dinner party she had had no contact at all with Marisa. A cold finger of dread touched her heart. Had Joel told Marisa that she was pregnant? It was something she hadn’t been able to bring herself to ask him.
Forcing herself to appear calm, she smiled into the receiver. ‘Marisa?’
‘Ah, Lissa. Good. Is Joel there?’
Lissa’s fear grew. ‘No, I’m afraid he’s not.’
‘Oh dear. I need to speak to him rather urgently. I’ve left Peter … It’s been on the cards for quite some time of course. I should never have married him … never. But then one does such foolish things when one is young … Joel has always understood.’
A feeling of sick dismay was spreading through Lissa’s body. Marisa had left Peter … and she was making it clear that she now wanted Joel … Shivering with reaction and sick misery, Lissa managed to say that she would pass her message on to Joel when he came in. The soft satisfaction purring through Marisa’s voice tormented her, even when she had replaced the receiver.
‘Lissa, are you all right?’ Mrs Fuller’s voice cut through her pain.
She managed to shake off the terrible feeling of pain consuming her, long enough to smile and fib, ‘Yes … yes … fine … Just a little bit tired, I think I’ll go upstairs and lie down for a while. If Joel comes in could you ask him to ring Mrs Andrews. She wants to speak to him.’
Sleep was impossible, her thoughts a plunging chaos of pain and misery. She had little doubt in her heart that Joel would want to go to Marisa. How could he not do? But he was tied to her. She would have to let him go. How could she keep him married to her when she knew he loved and wanted someone else? While Marisa had been married their relationship might have stood some chance, but now … How could she face herself when she knew that she was the only thing standing between Joel and happiness?
But she was having his child. Her hand cupped her gently curved stomach protectively and deep shudders of anguish racked through her.
She heard Joel’s car drive up and forced herself into the bathroom to wash the tear stains off her skin and make herself look presentable. Sooner or later she would have to face Joel, and it might just as well be sooner.
When she went downstairs the study door was open. Joel was standing behind his desk, just replacing his telephone receiver.
‘Did you get the message from Marisa?’
How empty and toneless her voice sounded, completely in contrast with the wild fever of emotions inside her.
‘Yes, I’ve just rung her. I’m going to see her this afternoon.’ He was frowning, and in the midst of her own anguish Lissa could still feel pain for him. How much he must be regretting now that he had ever married her … ever made love to her.
‘Mrs Fuller said you weren’t feeling well?’
