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“Margaux cheated on you four years ago. How much longer are you going to let someone else’s actions control you?”
And there it was. The stinging truth I still hated to face.
“This has nothing to do with Margaux. Why would you even bring her into this?”
“This has everything to do with her, Noah. Come on! You’ve spent years getting over what she did. Enough wasting time.”
“I’m not wasting time.” But now I regretted calling my sister. “Look, I didn’t call for a lecture.”
“No, you called because a woman caught your eye and you want to know how to keep it superficial when your nature insists you find something with depth. You’re not some philandering bachelor. Once you accept that, you’ll be happy again.”
“Laurel,” I spoke slowly so there could be no misunderstanding. “I’m not looking for a relationship.”
“Why not?” Her sharp tone gave me pause.
“Because I’m not.” My debating skills were taking a hit today.
She rolled her eyes. “Fine. But I can’t help you.”
Irritated I brought Laurel into this, I quickly shut it down. “I don’t want help. I just wanted a distraction—”
“Well, keep looking for one, Noah. If you find one big enough to get this girl out of your head, I’ll believe it was just a casual sex thing. But if you can’t, then you have to admit it might be time you move on and put the past behind you. You’ve always been a serial monogamist. Sleeping around isn’t your style. That’s why you’re bored.”
When I got off the phone, I made dinner. My sister’s final warning lingered in my thoughts. We were close in age, but she always seemed so much wiser when it came to relationship things. Maybe she was right.
No, I knew she was right. Random hook-ups had always bored me, but the thought of trusting someone again deterred me from anything long term.
One-night stands were fun but redundant. The same old meaningless conversations, the getting to know you and knowing there was never going to be more than a few frisky fucks…
After a year it got tiresome. I’d fucked my way through several women, obliterating all traces of the girl I was supposed to marry.
Once I could hardly remember Margaux’s scent or the sounds she made when she came, I kept going, working to erase her face and laughter from my memory. I still knew what she looked like, but there were several other women stacked on top of my memories of her now, so it kept her away from my surface thoughts.
There was only one memory I couldn’t erase. Margaux and Shane, my ex-best friend. They were married now. She finally got the spring wedding she’d always dreamed of. Who the fuck knew who Shane’s best man was? We always assumed we’d be up there with each other. But I also assumed he would never be the sort of guy to stab me in the back. Lesson learned.
And why was I still thinking of this?
After a quick shower, I shoved all thoughts of my past away and hit the sac. I needed to focus on the future, not the past.
Even if Laurel was right, and I was ready to move on and start dating again, I highly doubted Avery was the girl. Something about her struck me as unattainable, purposely out of reach. She didn’t seem like the dating type. Or maybe she was still playing the field. She was definitely a few years younger, so that made sense.
The fact that she didn't seem into anything serious worked to my advantage. We could have something casual and fun. No need for things to get awkward.
And despite her objections, there was something there, something that made her breathing shift in my presence and her cheeks flush. We had chemistry, and I’d make sure she couldn’t ignore it.
We were neighbors. There were certain neighborly rules I could use to my advantage. Even if I had to borrow a cup of sugar to get her to open that door, I’d do it. And eventually, she’d open up as well.
My sister was wrong. I could do casual. Casual was fun. The hunt was fun. And Avery was a competitor.
Staring at my ceiling, I imagined all the ways I could have her. And as I closed my eyes, my sleepy brain filled with visions of Avery.
The longer I pictured her, the easier it became to note subtle details I’d overlooked, such as the cheap jewelry. The few times I’d spotted her began to add up. Was she a student? Students didn’t live in this section of the city, at least not in this building.
Her age, I decided, had to be around twenty-two, so I likely had her beat in life experience. Remembering her vulnerable eyes, my fantasy shifted from seducing her to simply comforting her.
These men were way too old for her. She should know better. I imagined kissing her and holding her, and never once would she look to me with such uncertainty because I had nothing but decent intentions. Okay, I had filthy intentions, but I’d make sure she had fun too. With all those other men, there didn’t seem to be any balance. The scales were tipped in their favor, and I wasn’t sure how, but with me, Avery would understand how dating could be fun.
