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“You don’t want to leave,” he whispered, boxing her in with his body.
“Yes. I do.”
“Liar.”
He was unbearable. Challenging him was like swimming upstream in a lead vest. She simply didn’t have the energy. Her body slackened. “I don’t understand you.”
“I’m very complicated,” he whispered almost humorously.
“You’re beyond complicated. I’ve never met anyone as frustrating as you. You can’t expect me to be what you want if you constantly change your expectations.”
“I told you what I want.”
She scoffed. “You told me to be on time, dress appropriately, provide company, and stay away from lower Folsom. Other than that I’m flying blind.”
The corner of his mouth quirked up. “Don’t go.”
“Why should I stay?”
“Because you like me.”
She did like him, the big jerk. The jury was still out on whether or not that was a good thing, but that didn’t make it any less true. She liked the way he made her laugh and distracted her from all the terrible things she was used to coping with, but at the same time he somehow had the ability to make her feel terrible about herself. She never second-guessed herself until she was around Lucian.
“This isn’t going to work.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t know what it is you want!”
He suddenly pulled away and dragged her toward the bed. He sat down and tugged her until she sat beside him. He wouldn’t let go of her hand.
“I’m fucked-up, Evelyn. I need to have things a certain way and if I’m ever going to care about someone again I need to know I have complete control.”
“Again?”
“Yes. Again. I don’t usually share my past with others and I don’t intend on changing. Suffice it to say I lost someone very important to me once and she’d still be here if she had listened to me and done as I said.”
“Lucian, you can’t control everything. What good would it be to have a relationship with someone who’s had every bit of individuality stripped from them?”
“I want you to be an individual. That’s not what I’m saying.”
“Then explain to me what it is you want,” she said, truly wanting to understand.
“I want your submission.”
“My submission?”
“Yes. I want to possess you in a way no one else can or will. I want to own your body and I want you to surrender it to me willingly. I want to be able to spoil you and treat you, all in return for the comfort of knowing you’ll be there waiting at the end of my day. I want to take care of you, but I also want you to take care of my needs in a way no one else can. I want you to trust me, Evelyn, to make the right choices for you.”
She swallowed and tried to find her voice. That was a whole lot of expectations.
“Why me?”
“Because I like you. You’re feisty, but also a natural submissive—”
She knew what submissive meant. And she wasn’t that. She’d been running her own life since she could walk. “Lucian, I am not submissive. You have no idea what I’m like outside of your world.”
“But you are, Evelyn. I recognized it the first time I saw you at my desk. You don’t even have to try, and when you do surrender to my will, you do so with absolute grace.”
She shook her head, her gaze climbing over the enormous stack of boxes at the wall. “I don’t know you well enough to trust you that way. I don’t trust anyone.”
“Give it time. I promise I’ll never do anything that puts you in danger. I’m a good protector, Evelyn, of that I’m certain.”
If only he realized how much she wanted a protector, how badly she wanted to agree to everything he proposed. In time, if she could give Lucian what he needed, he could help her save Pearl and maybe even help Parker get back on his feet.
But the emotional surrender he was looking for wasn’t something she could command. It was a useless negotiation chip because she had no control over her trust for others. It either existed or didn’t. And all of her life, with every person she ever allowed herself to get mildly close to, it never had existed. Maybe she wasn’t capable of such complete trust. Maybe she could fake it, use willpower to agree to the things he wanted no matter how it tore her up inside. If it wasn’t real, then she wouldn’t lose her head like some romantic fool. She’d know exactly what she was agreeing to at all times.
“Lucian, what you said in the limo about telling you no—”
“In bed. I do not accept being told no in bed,” he clarified.
“But what if you do something I don’t like.”
“I’d never hurt you, Evelyn.”
She rubbed her head wearily. “Physically maybe, but you can’t take away my right to say no. I could never submit to that level. I just don’t have it in me.”
