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“Lucian . . . no.” How could he think such a thing?
“Then why?”
“I don’t know why. I was worried about him. That’s all. I swear it. I don’t see him that way. Please, believe me. I haven’t seen or talked to him since we had that fight last fall. It’s been months. The man at the shelter said he’s been gone for a while.” Her voice broke as she cried. “I’m worried he’s . . . what if something bad happened?”
Lucian turned on her, his face haggard, but his eyes again narrowed on her. “And what if something did happen? What if you found him and he said he needed you? What would you do then, Evelyn? Would you go to him?”
“That’s not a fair question.”
“Would you?”
“I’d want to help him if I could, but only because he’s my friend.”
“And what if he was just fine? What if he somehow made it off the street just like you did? Would that change your feelings?”
She shook her head. “Parker has no one. I don’t think that’s what happened. Lucian, I swear, I only went because I can’t shake this feeling that he’s in trouble, like something bad happened to him.”
“Do you intend to continue to look for him?”
He seemed to hold his breath, as did she. There was no right answer to that question. She couldn’t look at him. Lowering her gaze to her hands fisted in her lap, she whispered, “I need to know he’s okay.”
There was no sound. No reaction to her words. Minutes passed. They seemed to reach a stalemate. Finally, Lucian sunk into the chair across from her.
She peeked at him from under her lashes. She was completely unprepared for the desolate look in his eyes. Instinctively, she went to him, but as she reached for his hands, he flinched away from her touch. “I need you to not touch me right now, Evelyn. Please go away.”
Pain crushed down on her chest. Air choked off as an agonized whimper left her throat. Her hands began to shake so violently even her shoulders trembled. Tears fell unchecked from her eyes, skittering down her cheeks and dropping onto her knee to mark and soak the fabric there. She wiped at her suddenly runny nose with her cold fingers and sat back, nodding.
When she found the strength, she stood and awkwardly walked to their bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed, unsure of what to do.
Should she pack her things? Move her belongings to the guest room? She’d never known such an ugly, unwanted worthlessness. Her voice spilled past her lips in a sharp, gasping sob. She didn’t know what to do.
Thinking things couldn’t get any worse, she realized just how stupid she was. The sound of the front door opening and slamming closed echoed through the empty condo. She had finally pushed too hard. He hated her. And he’d left.
Chapter 9
Uncertainty
It was after two in the morning when Lucian finally came home. Evelyn’s eyes opened, the only light a green glow coming from the digital clock on the nightstand. Her lashes felt glued together with dried tears, and her nose had run so much she could barely breathe through it. As she heard him moving around in the common area, there was a thud and he cursed.
She peeled her tear-dampened cheek off the pillow, forced herself out of bed and quietly walked to the hall. Standing at the edge of the hall in the dark, she saw Lucian examining his sock-covered foot. She squinted into the shadows and saw that the antique lamp he had knocked off the desk lay shattered. He must have stepped on it. Wanting to help, she stepped forward.
“Go back to bed, Evelyn.”
Her steps faltered and her jaw trembled. “Are you hurt?”
He placed his foot on the ground and grimaced. “I’m fine. Go back to sleep.”
“I was awake.”
He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. She waited for him to look at her. When he said nothing she asked, “Do you want me to leave?”
In an exasperated tone, he said, “The last thing I want you to do is leave. Now, please, go back to bed. I’m tired and I can’t do this right now.”
This? As in her? “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
He started cleaning up the papers around his desk and tossing the shattered pieces of the lamp into the canister on the floor. She was clearly dismissed.
Evelyn returned to bed and waited. Her ears clung to every sound, trying to imagine where he was and exactly what he was doing out there. The condo grew quiet for several minutes and she assumed he was finished cleaning up the mess. Then she heard the guest room door click shut and something inside of her broke. Turning her face into the pillow, she wailed silently. Her fists balled in the covers. She couldn’t take any more.
