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“And you’re okay with losing the love of your life?”
“I never said she was.”
“But it’s so goddamn obvious, man. What’s the hold up?”
I knew he wasn’t going to drop this anytime soon. “You and I aren’t the type of men who can have a wife and a family.”
“Why not?”
“Because of Mom, Dad, and Vanessa. One by one, we’ve been taken out. You think a woman you love would ever be safe? Our enemies would constantly look for a way to hurt us. A wife would be a perfect target.”
“Not if we keep them safe.”
“How did that go last time?” I snapped. “Vanessa is buried in the funeral home along with Mom and Dad. How many more bodies will we add?”
“Let me get this straight.” He held up both hands, growing enthused. “The only reason why you’re pushing her away is to protect her? So you do love her? You just can’t risk telling her that?”
“Yes, I’m pushing her away to protect her. But no, I don’t love her.”
He narrowed his eyes. “Crow.”
“I don’t. I don’t do love. I told her that from the beginning. It’s not my fault she didn’t believe me.”
“I’ve seen you with her,” he snapped. “Maybe you can lie to yourself but you can’t lie to me.”
“Cane, just drop it. I’m embarrassed we’ve had this conversation at all.”
“I’m not. You’re my brother and I want you to be happy. I think you need her in order to be happy.”
I stared at my bookshelf, avoiding the determined look on his face. “I’ll never be happy.” It was a fate I accepted a long time ago. With Button, small jolts of joy erupted through my body at random times. She made me laugh and made me smile. But those feelings were only temporary. The depression would swallow me up again shortly afterward.
“Maybe you should stop being so dramatic and just give it a shot.”
“Maybe you should shut your mouth.”
“Look, I’m just trying to help. If you don’t want to lose her you need to change gears. That’s all I’m saying.”
“I’ve already let her go.” I would never return her feelings or give her the life she wanted. I would never keep her safe. My heart no longer worked and I was void of any emotion except violence. She deserved a man far better than me.
He sighed in defeat. “Alright. I had to give it a shot.”
At least the conversation was over.
“So, when are we taking him out?”
“Not sure. When do you think you’ll be ready?”
“When it comes to taking down that asshole I’m always ready.”
“Alright,” I said. “We’ll make the plans.”
Chapter Seventeen
Pearl
I started training again.
I ran every day after Crow went to work. The path around the vineyards was over a mile, so I ran around that a few times before I used Crow’s weight room in the basement. I wasn’t trying to drop a few pounds or gain muscle. I was just trying to get back into shape.
I needed to be strong when I went toe-to-toe with Bones. He probably wouldn’t have the opportunity to harm me since Crow and Cane were on the lookout. But it was better to be safe than sorry.
Crow came home at his usual time, and he was quiet and brooding. Ever since that awkward night neither one of us had been the same. We talked it out, but in the end it didn’t change anything.
It was tense as hell.
He rapped his knuckles against my door before he stepped inside. “Lars tells me you’ve been a working machine lately.”
“Yeah. Just been exercising.” A book was open in my hands. Reading was the only thing strong enough to distract me from my agony. I tried to forget the way Crow cruelly rejected me but I couldn’t. Despite the way he hurt me my heart still beat for him. I still felt the exact same way as I did before.
And that only made me feel pathetic.
“Any reason?” he asked.
“Just preparing for our mission. Wanted to get back into shape.”
He came further into the room, his suit fitting him perfectly. His sculpted shoulders looked powerful, and his thin hips led to muscled thighs. He was still a wet dream. “You think you’re ready for that?”
“I know I am.” There were two things I wanted desperately. The first was to get away from Crow. And the second was to get my vengeance on Bones. Even if I died in the process it would be worth it. I had to do something. Running back to America to leave other women to their fate wasn’t an option for me.
He sat on the couch beside me but kept his hands to himself. He hadn’t made a move toward me since that terrible night. He asked me to sleep with him a few times but I always refused. “Cane is ready too.”
