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“Just listen to me—”
I turned off my phone and threw it across the room. Instead of drinking out of the glass like I should, I threw it against the wall and listened to it shatter into tiny pieces of glass. Then I started drinking right out of the bottle.
***
I was about to break the lock on her door when I changed my mind. I stepped back until I reached the opposite wall then crossed my arms over my chest, waiting out in the hallway like a normal person. At least that’s what she would call me.
She was supposed to get off work soon, and I spent most of my morning recovering from a severe hangover. I drank that entire bottle of scotch alone and got carried away. Cane left me ten voicemails but I didn’t listen to them.
A little after five she came down the hallway with her hair pulled back into a ponytail. Her prominent cheekbones were visible under the florescent lights, and even though she wore no make up her face was beautiful. Her eyes still stood out like lights against the fog, and her full lips always contained some form of expression.
She snaked her keys out of her purse as she approached the door, her head down. If I were a burglar she wouldn’t even notice. When she finally looked up her eyes showed her surprise. She eyed the door before she eyed me. “Is someone already waiting in there…?”
I didn’t laugh because it wasn’t funny. “I’m trying to be normal.”
“Normal…I don’t think it’s possible for Crow Barsetti to be normal.” She got the door unlocked and walked inside.
I followed her even though I wasn’t invited. I didn’t break into her apartment like all the other times, so she should appreciate my politeness.
Like every other day she threw her purse on the kitchen island and immediately eyed the contents of her fridge. “I don’t know why I look in here. I never go grocery shopping.”
“I can always take you out to eat.”
She rolled her eyes. “I can get my own food. I’m just too lazy to go to the store.”
“If you lived with me you’d never have to go to the store.” If there was anything that could change her mind, I would use it against her. I’d pay her off if she would accept it. I wanted her in that mansion with me every single day. I wanted to wake up to her face every morning. If she didn’t agree to come with me I’d have to walk away. And the idea of doing that terrified me because it hurt so much.
“Or maybe I could live inside a grocery story so I wouldn’t have to go either.”
Her smartass comments used to annoy me but now I enjoyed them. They were an innate part of who she was. I missed all the little things she did once she was gone. The estate was never the same when her presence disappeared.
“What do you want, Crow?” Her walls were fully erected once more. She hardly looked me in the eye because she couldn’t stand the intimacy. Just last night we were connected one very level, and now she acted like she hardly knew me.
“I wanted to see if you would reconsider.” But it was painfully clear she wouldn’t.
She bowed her head before she shook it. “No.”
Now I had to go back to that estate without her. Her ghost would always haunt me. When I started seeing someone else I would always compare her to Button. The idea was so depressing I lost the will to live.
“I’m sorry, Crow. But I think going our separate ways is the best.”
“I don’t agree with that.” Not in the slightest. We were both fucked up on so many levels, but together we seemed to fit. My darkness complemented her light. And her fierceness complemented my rage. We both knew we would never find anyone to replace each other.
“Well…” She finally looked at me with green eyes full of sadness. They weren’t fiery like they used to be. They were dead like old moss on a tree. “Sometimes things don’t work out the way you want them to.”
“Button, just think about it. You would be much happier with me than you would ever be here alone.”
“I know,” she admitted. “But that will only last for so long. Crow, I don’t want to have this conversation again. It was depressing enough the first time. Again, I told you how I felt and you didn’t say it back. A girl can only take that kind of rejection so many times.”
I started to feel like shit all over again. “Maybe I didn’t say that. But I did say a lot of things to you that I’ve never said to anyone else. You’ve earned my respect, my affection, and my loyalty. No woman has ever done that before. So don’t focus on what I didn’t say. Remember what I did say.”
