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She wrapped her arms around my neck and buried her face in my chest. Nothing was sad as we held each other in front of the door. Our heartbeats measured the passing time, and slowly our connection was slipping away.
We were out of time.
When she pulled away her eyes were wet again. “I never got the chance to say thank you…”
“For what?” I kidnapped her and kept her as a prisoner in my home. Instead of giving her freedom like I should have, I made her work for it. I made her sleep with me in exchange for something she already had the right to have—her freedom.
“After what happened with Bones…I was really messed up. You put me back together, Crow. If it weren’t for you…I’d be so fucked up in the head. You made me feel strong when I pitied myself. You made me feel beautiful when I thought of myself as damaged goods. For that, I’ll always be grateful.”
My eyes slowly started to mirror hers and I blinked to hide it. “Button…” I tried to find the words to say but my mouth was dry. She was thanking me for something that I didn’t realize I did. “You’re the strongest woman I know. You never needed me. And you don’t need any man to make you feel beautiful—because you’re the most beautiful on this earth.”
Her bottom lip quivered.
I couldn’t stay her for another instant. I was about to crack and spill everything onto the floor. Up until that moment I didn’t think I was capable of feeling anything but lust and violence. And now I was trying to hold back tears. When my sister died in my arms I didn’t shed a single tear. When my parents died, I didn’t feel anything. But now that I was walking away from her I was about to collapse.
I didn’t say goodbye because the word was too harsh. Even if I wanted to I couldn’t say it. I cupped her face and gave her one final kiss. It was wet from her tears and soon it would be wet from mine. Our lips hardly moved together because we were both numb from the pain. I moved my lips to her forehead and gave one final kiss goodbye before I opened the door and walked out.
I wanted to turn back and look at her one last time but I didn’t. I grabbed the door and shut it behind me, keeping my face averted so I wouldn’t catch a glimpse of her. I pressed my back against it and dragged my hands down my face, wiping away the tears that managed to break the surface.
I looked down at my hands and saw the drops smeared across my skin. My fingertips rubbed together to make sure they were real. The last time I cried I was five years old and Cane burned my stuffed teddy bear. I felt so pathetic and weak that I vowed I would never allow myself to break down like that again.
But Button broke me.
Chapter Thirteen
Pearl
When he was gone I returned to bed and closed my eyes. The tears began deep inside my chest, shaking my frame as they tried to get out. For the past two months I kept busy so I wouldn’t think about the man who didn’t just steal my freedom, but my heart. But now there was nothing to steady my mind from the heartbreaking truth. Crow was gone and I would never see him again.
The tears broke the surface and dripped down my nose. They streaked down my face until they formed a large droplet and fell to the sheets below me. Crow’s scent was still all over the bed and it would take weeks before it faded away. Every time I smelled it, it was painful. But I knew the instant it was gone it would be far worse.
Eventually, I began to sob. When he came to New York I did a fantastic job of seeming indifferent but it didn’t take long for that act to disappear. My true emotions got the best of me, and I couldn’t pretend this man wasn’t my whole world.
Because he was.
He wasn’t just my lover, but my closest friend in the world. Not a single person understood me the way he did. He knew exactly what I had been through, and he never allowed my past to change my future. He looked at me and saw the woman I was underneath the scars. He just saw me—Button.
And now he was gone.
I took a deep breath and forced the tears to stop. Sobbing into my bed wasn’t going to fix the heartache and it certainly didn’t make me feel better. If anything, it just made everything worse. I wanted him to come back just to hold me and kiss my tears away.
