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“How was work?”
“It was alright. But you know, it’s work.” He stood beside me in front of the stove and looked down into the pot. “Italian food. Awesome.”
It was the diet I was used to eating. “It’s almost ready.”
“Alright. I’m going to change.” He walked into his bedroom and shut the door.
I served the dishes and set them on the table. I didn’t buy any wine because I didn’t know what was good. And I also thought that would be too romantic. Water would work.
He walked out in his jeans and a t-shirt and sat across from me. “Thanks.”
“Sure.”
He dug into his food and ate quietly, his eyes always looking at something other than me.
I suspected he did that on purpose so I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable. He rarely touched me and when he came close to me he still put feet between us. And he never hugged me unless he had my explicit permission. “I applied for a few jobs today.”
He swallowed his food quickly and it went down the wrong way. He coughed into his napkin until his throat was clear. “Already? There’s really no rush to get back to work. This apartment is big enough for two people.”
“Actually, I’d like to go back to work. I liked my job.”
“Don’t you think they would give it back to you? Under the circumstances?”
“I already tried. They hired a new person a year ago. They can’t just let her go. That wouldn’t be fair.”
“That’s too bad. But I’m sure there will be something else.”
“I know there will be.”
“But there’s really no pressure to get a job and find a new place. I’m not just saying that to be nice. There’s no reason to stress out.”
“I know, Jason. But the quicker I return to normal, the more I’ll feel normal.”
He averted his gaze again, his eyes on his food. “You went shopping today.”
“Yeah.” I glanced down at my blouse. “Desperately needed new clothes.”
“You look nice. I like that color on you.”
“Thanks.”
He finished his dinner and wiped his mouth with a napkin. “Well, that was great. Thanks for cooking.”
“Of course.” I hadn’t cooked anything in a year. I was surprised I remembered how.
“Want to watch TV? Or would you like to go out and do something?”
I didn’t want to be around people. When I lived with Crow I never saw other humans. Ironically, I actually liked it that way. I used to love the interesting people of the city but now I just wanted to be alone. “TV sounds nice.”
“Okay.”
***
Two weeks came and went. Jason and I developed a routine together. I always had dinner on the table when he came home from work, and he always did the dishes before he went to bed. We spent our evenings watching TV or playing board games. He always kept his distance from me, usually sitting on the opposite couch.
I went on a few interviews but hadn’t gotten a call back. Hopefully, something good would pop up. I was eager to get back to work so I would have some normalcy in my life. Right now, I didn’t have a purpose.
By the beginning of the third week, the withdrawals kicked in. I went from having amazing sex on a daily basis to quitting cold turkey. I didn’t think it would affect me at all because Crow hurt me so deeply.
But it did.
The area between my legs burned with pent up aggression and my lips ached for his kiss. My mind always drifted to fantasies of him pounding into me from above. His hand fisted my hair and crushed my mouth with his.
I missed it.
While Jason was at work, I borrowed his laptop and watched porn. I tried touching myself to the videos I watched but nothing worked for me. All I kept thinking about was how artificial it felt.
I gave up on the idea altogether and didn’t know what to do. I could sleep with Jason but I didn’t want to cross that line. Right now, we were companionable friends and roommates. I didn’t want to tamper with it. Maybe one day we could start dating again but right now wasn’t the time. As much as I hated to admit, Crow was still on mind.
In time I would stop thinking about him. Eventually, it would be hard for me to picture his face. And one day I would stop thinking about him and I wouldn’t even realize I stopped. Then I could move on with my life. Maybe I could settle down with a husband and have some kids one day.
Maybe.
I tried touching myself while using my own imagination. I pictured a random hot guy with a perfect body. I tried to keep it purely physical just so I could get off. But by sheer force, Crow broke into mind and stole the show. He pleased me just the way he used to, and I rubbed my clit harder as I came, whispering his name.
