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Ariel smiles at me and gives me a wink as she shoves a handful of bills at the cashier.
“I swear, you’d lose your own head if it wasn’t attached to your body.” Ariel laughs like it is the funniest thing she’s ever said.
“I don’t need your money,” I whisper as the cashier takes the money from Ariel’s hand and cashes out my order.
I actually do need her money, but it’s humiliating to admit that out loud, especially to her. A woman who slept with my husband and knows all of my secrets.
“Quit your bitching,” Ariel says under her breath with a huge smile on her face aimed at the cashier.
The woman hands Ariel her change, and she shoves me toward the exit, grabbing my bags and telling the cashier to have a good day.
As soon as we get outside, Ariel hands the bags over to me and I do whatever I can to look anywhere but at her face. I have never felt such shame in my entire life. I want to run to my car and lock myself inside so I can sit there and cry, but I can’t make my feet move.
“Why did you do that?” I whisper, sniffling as I juggle the bags in my arms and stare down at my feet.
Ariel is the last person I would ever expect to do something so nice for me, especially after the way I’ve treated her since she moved in, and the way I behaved when she was in my home last night.
“He took everything when he left, didn’t he?” she asks quietly.
I want to hate this woman, considering she slept with my husband, but if what she said last night was true, he deceived her as well. Maybe not as much as he hurt and betrayed me, but as much as I hate admitting it, that means we have something in common.
I nod my head instead of speaking, afraid that if I open my mouth I’ll break down in tears right here in front of the store.
Ariel sighs, crossing her arms in front of her, kicking a rock off the edge of the curb with the toe of her flip-flops.
“I’m sorry. And I’m also sorry for that shit I said last night about how you wouldn’t know anything about real problems.” she tells me with a shrug.
She nervously shifts from one foot to the other while I stare out into the parking lot, watching an elderly woman try and back into a handicapped parking space six times without hitting the cart-return next to the spot like it is the most fascinating thing I’ve ever seen.
“I don’t know what to say,” I mutter, feeling uncomfortable and awkward that this woman and I are having a moment while the weight of all the grocery bags hanging from my wrists make the muscles in my arms burn.
“Just say thank you like a good little girl. Come on, you can do it,” she jokes with a laugh.
“Thank you,” I reply with a roll of my eyes. “I’ll pay you back.”
I don’t know how exactly I’ll pay her back, but I will.
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll see you tonight at the Halloween party. I’m bringing moonshine, so make sure you’re ready to get white-girl wasted!”
Ariel gives me a small wave as she heads out into the parking lot, leaving me standing on the curb with my armful of groceries. My first instinct is to tell her that she wasn’t invited to the Halloween party tonight, but I quickly clamp my mouth closed before I can yell out to her as she hustles toward her car. I don’t want to be the person she accused me of anymore—someone who sits up in her home judging people.
* * *
Fairytale Lane has been closed off from traffic with a few barricades blocking the entrance to the street. Caroline and I spent all afternoon setting up tables down the center of the street, covering them in orange tablecloths and putting up decorations. The street looks amazing, with orange and white lights hanging from every tree along the sidewalk and luminarias with flickering candles in them lining the curb all the way down the street on both sides.
Neighbors and their families are milling about, laughing, eating, and having a good time as I make my way down the tables. I straighten plates heaping with baked goods, reposition containers filled with potato chips and line up Crock Pots warming everything from chili and rigatoni to nacho dips and chocolate lava cake, making sure the signs I made noting which items are not gluten free are in front of the appropriate dishes.
I smile and wave at my neighbors, feigning a happiness I certainly don’t feel. After getting home from the grocery store and making a quick call to my credit card companies, I found out Brian had canceled all of my credit cards. I wanted to lock myself in my bedroom and curl up into a ball on my bed and cry, but I couldn’t do that. The party must go on, and I just have to keep smiling and nodding, hoping I can get through this thing without losing it completely. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t know how I’m going to pay my mortgage, and I certainly don’t know how I’m going to pay Ariel back for the money she lent me, let alone buy more groceries when I run out of the things I bought today.
