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I study Ariel for a few seconds, knowing the two of us will probably kill each other if we live together, but I literally have no other option. She doesn’t need to know that Cindy was my first choice. That’s a secret I will take to my grave.
Tell them you have no place to live. Tell them you have no place to live. Tell Ariel you’ll do all the dishes and all her laundry for as long as it takes you to save up enough money for a place of your own.
“While we’re on the subject of new house guests,” Ariel continues, making me clamp my mouth closed once again. “I’ve decided I’m going to get a roommate. And you can just shut your mouth right now, Cindy. I’m not taking more money from you right now either. You go out there and shake your ass every night and earn every cent you make. I posted the application on Facebook and told people to spread the word, and I am happy to announce I’ve already gotten a few inquiries. One woman in particular offered to pay twice what I was asking if I agreed to cook dinner every night, so she’s looking like the front-runner right now.”
And just like that, my prospects for living somewhere other than the library disappear in a flash. Ariel is in need of money as much as I am. I know if I told her my situation, she’d immediately cancel her plans to get a paying roommate and take me in, even if that meant she couldn’t pay her electric bill or afford to put gas in her car. She’s barely making ends meet as it is, even with the money Cindy pays us. After having to close her antique business, she’s been selling off pieces that she spent most of her life collecting to pay bills, and each time she sells something else, I can practically see her heart breaking in half. There’s no way I’d mess up her chance of not having to sell any more of the things she loves so much.
“You know, you wouldn’t need a roommate if you finally let me schedule a night for you to strip at Charming’s so you can start booking your own parties,” Cindy reminds her.
“If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a hundred times: As soon as I get up on that stage, I will put you to shame with my sweet dance moves. I’m letting you enjoy your moment and your newfound sexuality,” Ariel says with a cheeky smile.
Ariel has been giving us this same excuse for weeks now. Out of the three of us, she is what you would call a bombshell. With her gorgeous long red hair, bright green eyes, and curves that even Marilyn Monroe would have envied, she would clearly be a natural at stripping and most likely make more money than Cindy and I combined. I’m starting to wonder if there’s more to her excuse than she’s letting on, but I don’t want to push her. She’ll tell us the truth when she’s ready.
“I guess that leaves me, then. Cindy, go ahead and book me for this Friday night.”
There’s a moment of silence before Ariel and Cindy share a look, then throw their heads back and laugh. They laugh so hard that they both have to wipe tears from their cheeks. I roll my eyes at them when their laughter finally quiets down.
“I don’t know why you’re both laughing. Obviously if Ariel isn’t ready, it’s my turn,” I tell them.
“Clearly it’s your turn, but do you honestly think you’re ready to take your clothes off in front of a hundred strangers in four days?!” Ariel asks.
“I work best under pressure. It will be fine. Four days is plenty of time to study and take notes.”
“Fine is not a word you want to use when discussing being half naked in front of a bunch of horny men you hope will empty their wallets and make it rain all around your feet,” Ariel says. “Sexy, bold, erotic, hot . . . those are the words you use. And this isn’t the SATs, for fuck’s sake! Studying and taking notes is not going to help you imitate sex on stage. You’re a virgin librarian who dresses like a disheveled schoolmarm, and you still live in your dad’s basement.”
“I’m not a virgin librarian,” I mutter in frustration, leaving out the part about how I’m not living in my dad’s basement either.
The last thing I need is for either one of them to feel sorry for me and make them go through any more upheaval in their lives.
“The sexy nerd look is totally in right now,” Cindy says. “She’s got such gorgeous, long, chestnut-colored hair. I think it would really work for her to start off like that on stage, pull her hair out of her usual messy bun and let it flutter all down her back, then rip her glasses off and toss them into the audience. We just need to get her past the whole virgin thing.”
