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They can’t contain it anymore and burst out laughing. Pushing myself up from the couch, I stalk over to Derrick Alfredo, scoop him up in my arms, and stomp towards the hallway.
“Where are you going with my cat?!” Eric calls after me.
“Fuck off!” I yell over my shoulder.
“Just promise to be nice to him. He won’t like it if you call him a douchebag!”
Eric laughs, my father joining right in with him as I take Derrick into the bedroom and slam the door behind me to let those two idiots get all the hilarity out of their systems before I murder both of them.
Chapter 16: Cat Scratch Fever
“So, then the guy asks if he can book another party with me, but it would be a party of one, and he would supply the ball gag and strap-on,” Cindy tells me.
“Eeew, that’s disgusting,” I mutter, propping my phone between my chin and shoulder and turning on the faucet to wash my hands. “What did you do?”
I hear a muffled car horn through the phone line, followed Cindy screaming.
“TURN SIGNALS WERE INVENTED FOR A REASON, JACKASS! Sorry, what did you say?”
I laugh, turning off the water and drying my hands on a towel.
“I asked what you did when he said that to you,” I repeat, moving through Eric’s kitchen to sit at the island.
“I didn’t do anything. Our bouncer called in sick so PJ filled in for him. And PJ punched him in the face. Obviously we’ll need to add this guy to the banned-customer list.”
Surprisingly, this would only be the second guy we’ve had to add to our banned-customer list. The first guy was added when he whipped out his dick in the corner of the living room while Belle was giving someone a lap dance and proceeded to jerk himself off. When Cindy and Belle first started dancing, PJ and Vincent always accompanied to parties as bodyguards. Once we started making more money, we hired one of the bouncers from Charming’s, who wanted a side gig to make some extra money. Unfortunately, during this particular party, the dick jerker positioned himself behind the bouncer, and the poor guy didn’t know what was happening until the dude started moaning loudly. He was tossed out on his ass before he could finish, with his dick still hanging out of his pants and his friends refusing to ever speak to him again.
“So, what are you doing today?” Cindy asks.
“I just finished scooping Derrick Alfredo’s litter box,” I tell her as the cat in question jumps up onto the island and sits down right in front of me.
After my dad came over the other night and I locked myself in the bedroom, Derrick and I shared a moment. I was curled up in the middle of the bed with him lying next to me. I tentatively patted his back and realized touching him didn’t feel like fondling a lizard with scaly skin, despite what he looked like. It actually felt like petting a warm peach.
“I’m sorry, what did you just say?” Cindy asks.
“It’s not that big of a deal,” I mutter.
“It sounds very domestic to me.” I can hear the smile in her voice through the line.
“It’s not domestic. It’s just easier for me to keep an eye on his damn cat, since I work from home. I’m just helping Eric out while he’s at work.”
“You mean you’re helping your boyfriend out,” she laughs.
“Whatever. Shut up.”
She continues laughing and I roll my eyes. Yes, I’ve been wondering what the hell Eric and I are to each other ever since the dry humping session the other night. She’s right, even though I’ll never admit it. We’ve been acting very domestic.
I take care of his cat every day, we text each other constantly, and we’ve had dinner together every night since the humping. This, I’m happy to say, has included some wonderful heavy petting for dessert, minus the voyeuristic ball licking from Derrick, since I’m pretty sure he’s bored with us at this point. Eric even surprised me when I ran to the grocery store the other day and came home to find that all of the Flounders had been evenly distributed back into ten fish tanks, five of which Eric demanded to keep on his boat because he wanted joint custody.
I even bought his fucking cat three sweaters from Amazon two days ago. One just arrived this morning, and I immediately put it on him. It’s black with grey trim around the collar and armholes. Across his back, in grey stitching, it says “This guy loves balls.” As soon as I showed Derrick what he looked like in the mirror, he gave me a look that clearly said, “I will shit on everything you love,” but I think he’s fine now.
“According to Cosmo, if you’ve shared a meal together, swapped bodily fluids more than once, met family members, taken care of each other, met each other’s friends, help each other with household chores, and you don’t even bother asking the other person what they’re doing because it’s a given you’ll be together, it’s affirmative that you are boyfriend and girlfriend,” Belle says.
