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“Jesus, Ariel! Don’t you get it? I’m poor!” he wails.
The pitiful look on his face just makes me laugh, which makes Eric glare at me before he bend at the waist and presses his hands against his knees.
“Fuck. I think I’m having a heart attack. Call 9-1-1,” he says, wheezing a little as he speaks.
“Oh, for the love of God.” I roll my eyes, patting him on the back. “You’re not poor. You’re just . . . not a multimillionaire anymore.”
“THAT’S THE VERY DEFINITION OF POOR!” he shouts in a panic, still breathing heavily, until I start to worry that he really will give himself a heart attack.
Grabbing his arm, I pull him back up and slide my arms around his waist.
“Stop being a baby. I just got a big fat check from my piece-of-shit, now I happily say, ex-husband. And now that the Naughty Princess Club is back in business, we’ll be raking in the cash. Don’t worry, boo. I’ll take care of you.” I smile up at him as he presses his hands to either side of my face.
“Excellent. Can I call you my sugar momma?” he asks, slowly lowering his face towards mine.
“Not if you want to wake up tomorrow with your balls still attached to your body.”
“Can I kiss the girl now?” he whispers.
“You’re so cheesy. And no, you can’t kiss me. I’m in charge here. I’ll kiss you.”
Eric laughs and I push up onto my toes, cutting off his laughter with my lips.
Epilogue
Cindy
Three months later . . .
“PJ! I CAN’T FIND MY SHOE!” I shout, digging through the pile of shoes I dumped all over the floor of our walk-in closet. “HAVE YOU SEEN MY SPARKLY SHOE? YOU KNOW, THAT ONE I WORE TO THE BENEFIT THAT NIGHT YOU PUNCHED BRIAN IN THE FACE? THE ONE THAT FELL OFF MY FOOT AND YOU THOUGHT YOU’D BE ALL STUPID AND CUTE AND GET DOWN ON ONE KNEE JUST TO HELP ME PUT IT BACK ON?!”
I let out a huff when I can’t find the damn shoe, standing up and limp-turning around in the doorway of the closet, since I’m currently wearing only one damn sparkly shoe.
“You mean this shoe?”
My hand flies up to my mouth with a gasp when I see PJ kneeling in front of me in the bedroom, holding up the missing sparkly shoe. I take a step towards him and gasp again when I see a gorgeous, princess-cut diamond solitaire sitting inside the shoe.
“Oh, my God,” I mutter, tears filling my eyes as I drop my hand from my mouth.
“Cynthia, I love you. More than I thought I would ever love anyone. I loved you from the moment I caught you when you passed out on your front lawn, and even when you showed up at my strip club in a PTA-mom wool business suit,” he tells me with a smile.
“Shut up. That suit was from Ann Taylor and was very becoming,” I mutter through my tears.
“I have loved every moment of watching you turn into the fierce, sexy, amazing businesswoman you are today, and I love that I get to benefit from your business when you come home to me at night,” he says with a wink.
“Ewwww, too much information,” Anastasia complains.
I glance over PJ’s shoulder to see her sitting on the edge of our bed with her face in her phone. I roll my eyes at her and then look back down at PJ.
“Marry me. Let me spend the rest of my life proving to you that fairy tales really do come true.”
“If I say yes, will you call me Mrs. Prince Charming?” I ask as he pulls the ring out of the shoe and tosses the shoe to the side.
“Whatever you say, dear.” He laughs as he slides the ring on my finger.
“Look at that. You’re already acting like a husband.”
I lean down to kiss him, and he brings his finger up in front of my lips.
“Hold that thought. And that kiss,” he tells me, reaching into his front pocket as he turns around on his knee and shuffles over to Anastasia.
“Anastasia, will you do me the honor of allowing me to be your stepfather?” he asks her, holding a ring up for her to see.
“Dude. Is that a black jewel?” she asks in awe, staring down at the ring as she tosses her phone to the bed.
“It’s a black onyx,” PJ confirms with a nod.
“Like my soul.” She sighs happily.
“Will you promise to let me get a shotgun and threaten any boy who knocks on the door to take you out on a date? Will you promise to talk to me if you ever have a problem that you can’t tell your mom? Will you let me ground you if you ever make stupid choices, as long as your mother is in agreement with the punishment, which I will then go back on roughly two hours after I hand out the punishment because I don’t want you to hate me? Will you let me kick the ass of any boy who breaks your heart? Will you promise not to laugh at me when you leave for college and I cry like a baby? If you promise all of these things, then I promise I will be the best stepdad in the world, and take the best care of you and your mother,” PJ finishes.
