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They must’ve just gotten in. He didn’t even shower before stopping by to see me. Something about that fact spreads warmth through my chest that I’d rather not acknowledge. Batting the elation away, I scurry around a table, putting some space between us.
“I’ve got a lot to do around here, so I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I can feel his eyes scouring the spotless clinic as I duck to unload one of the cabinets and rearrange the contents.
His reply drips with sarcasm. “I can see you’re swamped.”
I bite my lips to stifle a laugh while still hiding myself from his scrutiny.
“See you in the morning.” The creak of the door and his farewell has me letting out a shaky breath. “Oh, and Scottie?” he calls, peeking his head back inside just as I tilt mine and get a clear view of his boot holding the door. From the tip of that boot to the top of his head, he is solid man: etched muscles and endless amounts of testosterone. Briefly, I let myself drink in his tousled hair, watered-down whiskey eyes, and full lips. Briggs isn’t the type of man you pass over; he’s a double take that makes ‘tall, dark, and handsome’ seem like an understatement.
“Yeah?”
“Knew ya wanted me,” he quips quickly, shutting the door before I have time to respond.
I shake my head with a laugh before I go to find Mullins. I’m not wasting a single minute before securing those spots on the mission. Apparently, spending too much time on the base has been screwing with my head.
Noah reads to me as Gavin and I share a smile across the monitor. I’m having a hard time not tearing up, but I’ve never been so proud. Noah closes his book. “Was that a good story, Mommy?”
“It was perfect. You did so good.”
“I know.” We both laugh as Noah addresses me seriously. “Miss you.”
“Miss you too.”
“You coming home tomorrow?”
“No baby, not tomorrow.”
His features scrunch with distaste. “This is diculous.”
Surprised laughter bursts out of me. “Ridiculous, huh?”
“Yeah,” he squeaks, “You should be home by now. Mikey’s mommy is home every night.”
Gavin sighs and turns to Noah. “We talked about this, buddy. Mommy has a very important job.”
“I know. I’m sorry, Mommy.”
“It’s okay, Son, I miss you too. I wish I was home.”
Noah absently nods. “Daddy, can I watch TV?”
Gavin looks down at him, incredulous. “Don’t you want to talk to Mommy?”
“For how long do I have to? I already told her a story!” He’s agitated, and I can’t help but laugh.
Reluctantly I give him permission. “Go ahead, but brush your teeth first.”
“Bye, Mommy.”
“Bye, baby. Talk to you soon.”
Gavin smiles at me across the screen, and my fingers itch to touch his face.
“You look tired.”
I wrinkle my nose. “What a polite way of saying I look like shit.”
“You look beautiful.”
“You can’t take it back now. But I am tired. We’ve been getting a lot of bodies in the clinic the last few days.”
“It’s getting worse?”
“It’s war; it’s unpredictable. Let’s talk about something else.”
“I wish I could sneak you out…remember those days?” His voice turns husky while his eyes heat.
“Jesus, me too.”
“I wish I could kiss those lips.”
“Careful, Captain.”
“Let’s make another baby when you get home.”
Rearing back, I tilt my head, eyes wide. “You’re serious?”
“Why not?”
His sincerity has my heart swelling as I take in the warmth of his eyes.
“I—just, we haven’t talked about it in a while.” We beam at each other. “I like the idea.”
“Fuck, how long do you have left?” He runs his hands through his thick blond hair, and I sigh, wishing I could get lost in his emerald eyes. “Remember when we made the first one? You wore a pink sweater with nothing underneath. I made sure of it when I tore your panties away. I’d give anything to press into you right now and hear that moan.”
“Gavin…” My eyes dart around the com tent to see if anyone overheard.
“Sorry.”
“Don’t be. I want that too.”
“This is torture,” he groans. “I just miss you so much, Katy.”
“The feeling’s mutual, Captain.”
“How’s morale around there?” he asks, straightening his back in his desk chair. He gives me a half smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes.
“Great. I mean, as good as it can be. There are the clowns, the GI Joes, people I love working with and people I loathe, but we’re all doing it. It’s different but the same, if that makes sense. And Mullins is screwing around with one of the grunts.”
Gavin smiles. “She’s not wasting any time.”
“Nope. Business as usual.”
He lifts his finger and slowly traces the lines of my face on the screen. “Fuck, I’d give anything to touch you,” he whispers.
“I’d give anything to be touched by you,” I whisper back. “I’m aching…everywhere.”
“Jesus, baby.” Gavin licks his lips, stoking my low-lying fire. Hazel eyes study my every move as I clench my thighs together.
“Do you have everything you need?”
“Not quite.”
He closes his eyes painfully. “Why did I have to go and fall in love with a soldier?”
“My sentiments exactly, pot. I’ve been in your shoes, Captain. Don’t forget that.”
“Just come back to me safely and in one piece, Katy.”
“Trust me?” I whisper.
“Always.”
“Still love me?”
“Forever.”
Chapter Eight
Katy
Later that night, I walk around camp, more restless than I’ve been in two months of being here. I can’t stop replaying my conversation with Gavin. He’s thinking about another child while I’m spending my days piecing other people’s children back together. For the first time in our marriage, I feel a strange sort of distance between us. It’s nothing alarming, and I know I’m mostly to blame. I wasn’t honest with him. In a way, I feel like the life I’m living entails so much more than I’ve shared with him. He asked me for details, and I changed the subject as if I was trying to protect him from the truth. I suppose that’s the way of it. Most soldiers don’t report the daily horrors of what they deal with to their spouses. It doesn’t make for good conversation, especially when those conversations are few and far between. But Gavin is a soldier. If there was ever anyone to vent to, it’s him.
Why didn’t I come clean with what was bothering me?
I needed him to show me the semblance of our reality back home so I could compare it to my current one. I needed that confirmation from him, of what I had to look forward to. This life is a lie. It’s a job, and it’s temporary. Texas and my life with my family is the truth, my future. It’s becoming more apparent than ever that re-enlisting was a mistake. I’m no longer in love with the job. Maybe that’s why. I was ashamed to admit to my husband, a man I respect and a fellow soldier, that I was weary of my sworn duty. I vow the next time I talk to Gavin, to be honest. I’ll tell him I’m done with the United States Army. I’ll take pride in being his wife, a mother, and a part-time nurse, and that will be more than enough for me. Until then, I have to embrace the suck and make the best of my time in Baghdad. To help as many as I can until I get home to where my true life waits.
“You’re thinking awfully hard,” Briggs says from the fence a few feet away. Looking up, I can barely make out his face as he crushes a cigarette under his boot.
“You need to cut that habit, Briggs.”
“I’m more likely to die from a bullet right now, Scottie, let’s not preach.”
