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Of course I have, I’m about to say, but the words choke up inside me.
She speaks, and her voice quivers with anger. “Why did you bring me? From the Palace into the metropolis? You say it was because you needed help. That’s not true, is it?” Her eyes pierce into mine. “Because in the metropolis, I’m a liability. You would have been better off without me. ”
She folds her arms in front of her chest, then unfolds them, stuffing her hands into her pockets. She doesn’t know what to do with them. They are like her emotions, her thoughts, unable to find a place to alight. “At first, I thought it was because you just wanted us to be together. Because you wanted me. But then yesterday, when you didn’t take the shot, you hung me out to dry. You just about killed me. ”
“No, Sissy, I—”
“Stop, Gene. ” And she turns away, walks out of the shade and into the sunlight.
I follow after her. No words. Just my feet, taking me toward her. She spins to face me before I reach her. She’s standing in the white purity of day; I’m in the shadows.
“I know why you brought me with you. ” Her eyes shimmer with angry, pained tears. “You need my blood. It’s not me you want. Just my blood. ”
“Sissy—”
“I suspected all along. But I decided to give you the benefit of the doubt. Held out believing, hoping that you’d actually take down Ashley June and kill off my suspicions. ”
“Sissy, please—”
“And you know what, Gene?” Her voice hitches with a raw intensity that can only be honesty. “I would have come with you. Even if you’d told me you only wanted me for my blood, that you only needed me for Ashley June, I still would have come. ”
All I can do is stare into the sun. Directly into it, wanting the intense whiteness to burn holes into my corneas, wanting pain, needing the punishment.
“I’m sorry, Sissy,” I finally say, my voice strangled and raspy.
She wipes her nose with her fist, her chin tilting up. “I know she gave her life up to save yours. I get it. ” Tears glimmer but don’t overflow. “And I would have been fine with it, you wanting to do the same for her. Even if it meant I came second to her. Even then, Gene. But only if you were truthful about that. ” She winces. “Because what I can’t live with is dishonesty. Deceit. ”
“You’re not second, Sissy. ”
“Stop. ”
“I was there yesterday to kill her. Please believe me. ” I take a step toward Sissy, my hands spread open before me, pleading. “Yes, you’re right. When we left the Palace, my initial plan was to try to re-turn her. Yes, I didn’t tell you because I didn’t know how to make you understand. I’m sorry. But I couldn’t take it anymore after a while. The deceiving, the putting you at risk. So I changed my mind. Believe me, Sissy, it became every bit my intent to kill her. You’re not second. ”
Her eyes search mine. “So you say. And yet still. You couldn’t take the shot last night,” she says, but softly, without recrimination. I was expecting more anger, reproach, not this sudden gentleness. “You had her in your crosshairs, but you couldn’t pull the trigger. ”
I stare down at the ground, unable to look into Sissy’s probing eyes.
“I don’t hate you, Gene, for that. I understand. Because if it were you in her shoes, I wouldn’t have been able to do it, either. ” She stares off into the distance, then at the horses. “But it’s the dishonesty. That’s what does me in. ” Then her next words. “I can’t trust you anymore. ”
“Sissy,” I say. I step toward her. “I’m going to prove it to you. That you’re not second. Somehow, someway, I’m going to show you. ”
“You already had your chance,” she says. “You’ve already shown me. ”
“Sissy. Please. ”
She turns, walks to the carriage.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m going back to the Palace for David. There’re two horses. I’ll take one. You take the other, go wherever you want. To the metropolis. Or with me to get David. Or head east alone. It’s your choice. But as for me, I’m going back for David. ”
“Sissy, don’t—”
“I can’t desert him, I can’t betray his trust. ” Her next words, they sting. “Loyalty is the proof of love. ” I know she didn’t say it viciously. But her words hurt all the more for that.
She starts untethering a horse from its collars and traces. Not once does she look at me or say anything. I only know she’s working quickly, will be saddled up and galloping away within a minute.
“Sissy. Come on. Let’s think this through. ”
She doesn’t stop, doesn’t even lift her head to me. Her fingers work the straps, unwinding the leather with loud snaps. The horse is almost completely untethered when she stops. But not with indecision. With surprise, with confusion. Her head tilts to the side.
And that’s when I hear it, too.
Hm-m-m-m. Hm-m-m-m.
Coming from just behind me.
Hm-m-m-m. Hm-m-m-m.
On the ground, still sitting in a splash of sunlight where I’d placed it.
The TextTrans. It’s buzzing, shaking the blades of grass around it.
Thirty-six
FOR A FEW seconds, all we can do is stare. Then I’m jumping on the TextTrans, picking it up. It vibrates along the digits of my fingers, along my bones, jolting my whole body. But on the screen are only scrambled characters.
“Is it Epap?” Sissy says, running to me.
“I can’t tell. ” I shake the TextTrans as if that might help. “The screen’s all messed up. ”
“Try to send something back,” Sissy says.
With shaking fingers, I type EPAP, but it comes out as:
There’s nothing I can do about the garbled letters. I hit SEND. And as if I’ve just hit the OFF button, the TextTrans dies on me. It stops vibrating. The screen powers off.
